To ask why older women constantly ask if I have children, as opposed to if I have a partner?

[ThisLoudBeaker]

I’m single and in my early 30s. Older women who are mums constantly ask me if I have children, as opposed to if I have a partner. This makes no sense to me. One surely comes before the other, so why not ask the appropriate question if you must ask?

These same women also become extremely awkward when you say you don’t have children and follow up with condescending comments like “your time will come,” or if they ask if I have a partner after I say I don’t have kids, they’ll say “give it time/your time will come. No rush.” These comments are so unnecessary.

Most of the women that ask these questions and make these comments don’t even seem content themselves.

No you're wrong. She is allowed to talk about older women asking her questions.

A lot of us have had older women say the exact same thing to us. I have.

By OP's measure I'd be classed as an older woman.

I work with a younger woman who I know is a very private person. I generally either don't talk to her, talk about work, or talk about exceptionally benign topics of I find myself alone with her. We were discussing favourite foods in a group at work a few weeks ago and during that conversation because of a food she said she liked, I asked was she a vegetarian.

She replied that she was, but then very quickly said, 'That's it now! I've told you too much!! I'm a very private person and I don't talk about myself at work!!'.

I was baffled!

Love people scrabbling round to justify their dismissal of older women. Of course it's ageism. Of course people feel they can say anything they like to or about older people. So depressing.

I don't think anyone except you have said that its ageism.

Are you feeling bad about getting older or something?

Someone could call me old , and I wouldn't give a shit!

You're talking a load of absolute rubbish.

People are always going to say that people are older or younger than them.

I'm 40. I work with a 22 year old. He says that I am older than him. Which is correct

I say that 60 year old women are older than me. Which is correct.

No. I said it as well!

If someone called me old I’d be fuming. If someone said people your age often say… I’d call ageism.

Honestly, your age does not mean people get to judge you.

Yes, it’s the assumption that you MUST want to have children at some point. And saying “your time will come” can be incredibly insensitive and cruel to someone who is struggling with fertility and unsure whether they’ll ever have a child.

Asking if you have a partner feels much more intrusive and potentially insensitive than asking if someone has children. Having children is a neutral topic but having a partner and whether someone is single/divorced/separated is more likely not to be.

Having children is not a neutral topic if you are struggling with fertility or want children but for whatever reason are not in a position to have any.

True, I guess it's just more of an opener into conversation topics than whether or not you have a partner. I would just find that quite a weird question.

I would find it a bit odd to be asked if I had a partner. I wouldn't think being asked if I had children quite as odd.