To ask why older women constantly ask if I have children, as opposed to if I have a partner?

[ThisLoudBeaker]

I’m single and in my early 30s. Older women who are mums constantly ask me if I have children, as opposed to if I have a partner. This makes no sense to me. One surely comes before the other, so why not ask the appropriate question if you must ask?

These same women also become extremely awkward when you say you don’t have children and follow up with condescending comments like “your time will come,” or if they ask if I have a partner after I say I don’t have kids, they’ll say “give it time/your time will come. No rush.” These comments are so unnecessary.

Most of the women that ask these questions and make these comments don’t even seem content themselves.

Hm. I think do you have DC makes no assumptions about whether you have a partner. It’s an entirely different question. I know many women who have children but no partner, and many who have a partner but no children.

This makes no sense to me. One surely comes before the other, so why not ask the appropriate question if you must ask?

Eh?

You don't need a partner to get pregnant.

These comments usually come from older women I encounter in social settings, work, or even casual conversations - whether it’s at family gatherings, events, or just chatting with acquaintances. It’s not like it happens daily, but it’s often enough to feel noticeable and frustrating. It feels like there’s this assumption that children are the ultimate goal, and if you don’t have them, something must be missing in your life.

I just don’t understand why they jump straight to kids without even asking if I have a partner first - it feels like they’re skipping a step! It’s not malicious, I’m sure, but the condescending follow-up comments make it worse.

Sounds like they are just making conversation, and maybe find children a more interesting topic than partners.

I was going through a lot at the time, understandably. I let her know and the friendship ended. It went the way we all predicted, and the last thing I heard they’re still together. Thank you for asking.

How often are you asked and in what scenarios?

I was rarely asked that question when I was at child rearing age.

Older women??! How horrifying 😱🙄

It’s not really about ‘knowing’ them deeply - it’s more about observing how these interactions play out. Often, the same women making these comments tend to reveal a lot through their own words or demeanor. For example, they might complain about their own situations, relationships, or struggles during the same conversation. It gives off a vibe of discontent, which makes the focus on my life choices feel even more misplaced.

I get that it might seem like an assumption, but it’s hard not to notice patterns when these interactions happen repeatedly. It’s less about them asking the question itself and more about the unnecessary commentary that follows.

Just respond, "If you'll excuse my reluctance to answer your nosey question I'll forgive your rudeness in asking it". Some people have no personal brakes and feel that they can and should ask whatever inane question they have no business asking.

It's just a bonding question. Half of UK women have children by their mid-thirties. Those who have, naturally, find it a fairly consuming topic with plenty to talk about.

Instead of just saying No, ask them about theirs?

YABU they are just making conversation.

Presumably the women who bring this up in conversation are doing so as an extension of a conversation you’re already in about their own children.

For example, they might complain about their own situations, relationships, or struggles during the same conversation.

So the follow-up question is normal.It’s small talk. They’re not asking about whether you have a partner because you can be a parent without being in a relationship with any children’s father.

Older women are just shit, aren't they? No more right to live on God's green earth than a weasel.

Get a grip. Older women exist, just as younger women do. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the term ‘older women,’ nor is there anything ageist about what I said. 🙄

Yeah, some of them are like at least 40 and they need calling out on it

Having children makes a bigger difference to your life than having a partner, that's why it's the first question.
Difference in terms of responsibilities, available time, finances and that's before you get on to things like interests.

You can have children and be single.

I think having children affects your way of life/ way of thinking much more than having a partner. So I can understand why they are asking this. They are just trying to understand you better/ find something in common.

You are overthinking it. I can guarantee these “older women” are not giving you another thought, after trying to engage you in polite conversation 🙄