Daughter getting fat in school

[joey197860]

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

Since OP stated day school is possible it is a valid point though. I feel sorry for the children being sent off to boarding school (without valid reasons) because ofcourse they will feel rejected. Filling up with food when in lack of love is not unheard of

I haven't rtft, and am sure others have already asked, but do you think it's an eating disorder? If so, you need to get treatment early on - counselling and dietitians need to be involved. Shame that that school is not helping because she can't be the only girl at the school with issues around food as it is so common.

I'm glad OP is taking her daughter to the GP. I would also ask to see her oncology team.
I think medical checks are the first priority here before blaming the school.(Although it might be necessary to liaise with them at a later stage).
The judgmental language from OP herself and the simple calories in/calories out posts aren't appropriate in this situation.
I also wondered whether steroids had been prescribed at any point.
This girl needs support rather than criticism whatever the reasons for the weight gain.

Is she taking steroids post op? These can cause massive weight gain and stretch marks

The op says she isn't on any medication.

Well, don’t do that until you’ve found out the cause! If it’s a medical issue, then day school or boarding will be irrelevant; if it’s comfort eating, then changing schools might make her worse; and if it’s just her over-eating without realising then that can be sorted without a school move.

It’s difficult to judge given the variables if this is related to her tumour surgery, or it’s the challenge of a new school or easy access to food or a combination. Either way, disordered eating is common in boarding schools whether over or under.

You have a choice whether to leave her there or move her to a day school near you so you can keep an eye on whatever is going on.

Changing schools won’t necessarily make it worse if it’s comfort eating. Potentially bringing her home might help.

Rough calculations say she is eating 1500 calories a day MORE than she needs. Every day. Show her the maths and how it works. Work out her TDEE and show her what she needs to eat to lose the weight steadily. It's science. Show her.

Stretch marks? This is screaming possible Cushings syndrome to me too. May not be but it's worth getting her checked out.

Can I just add a bit of advice from my personal experience?

I remember, as a child/pre-teen, being taken to a doctor by my mother to ask why I was overweight when my brothers weren't. Until then I genuinely didn't know there was anything "wrong" with me but the repercussions of that and my mother trying, with her negligible knowledge of nutrition, trying to restrict my food have stayed with me throughout my life.
I am now in my 60s and have battled demons related to weight and disordered eating ever since.

I know you have your DDs best interests at heart but please tread carefully, teenage girls are very fragile in many ways and, worst case scenario here is that you uproot her from her friends and make her feel inadequate which could have lifelong consequences

I missed where OP said she had cancer?

I didn't post out if lack of love or care. Everything else has been tried. Please do not insult me for caring about my child. There are plenty of other countries where obesity is not a problem. Anything goes is acceptable here. But when it is my child's health, well-being that is at stake.
And boarding school or not, it's a parental choice. Her younger sibling can't wait to go boarding. Boarding school has many advantages over day school for us.

Funny OP

That’s because she didn’t. DD had what sounds like a benign tumour removed - this poster has assumed it was cancer.

3.5 st in 4 months. Id assume either binge eating disorder, or a thyroid/metabolic/hormonal issue.

Does she definitely sneak to eat food at night?
Could she be needing more emotional support than shes getting? Does she do sports?

Having a tumour removed and then back to boarding school, thats got to be tough for a child.

Exact same with me. Sudden intense hunger and sugar cravings, thick body hair and weight gain. Low carb diet resolved it. Did try medication but the side effects outweighed the benefit

Doesn't mean it wont have been very frightening for a child. There would have likely been a period of time where everyone was worried it was cancer, and that can be a traumatic period

Yes exactly, at least a couple of posters keep talking about oncology

Ive had 3 tumours removed over the past 30 years, all benign, no need for oncologists.

Although OP is causing a lot of frustration by not answering questions fully

But at least check out the possibility of a medical reason first ? “Showing her’ needs to be done carefully and sensitively or it will come across as blaming her. And if it is a medical problem it won’t be down to what she’s eating.

It isn't uncommon for teenagers to gain weight at boarding school. The meals are often quite stodgy, choice of fresh foods limited, and the pupils end up plugging the gap with biscuits and toast in the evenings, both of which the boarding house may provide. Depending on her age there may also be an element of her metabolism changing/ a hormonal impact.
But to gain the amount your DD has really is unusual. My youngest who has recently started boarding has filled out a bit because of the availability of stodge but I'd be surprised if it is much more than a kilo. Glad you are taking her to the doctor, OP.

Hence my use of the word “might”… She might miss her friends; she might see it as a punishment for her emotional eating; she might feel she’s failed and now has to go home.