Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the man to pay?

131 replies

ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 17:12

I have recently started seeing a wonderful man. He has asked me if I would like to go away for a weekend with him. A wonderful idea, as it means we can spend some time getting to know each other away from children etc... Except, I think he wants me to pay for the hotel - surely that is not right

OP posts:
ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 28/04/2008 17:45

I agree with the old-fashioned manners aspect here. If he is courteous and respectful to you, he would never think that you should pay half of a trip that HE suggested!!

When a couple is established then the woman paying half of the cost of their weekend away is completely different.

But don't shag a man who shows meanness at THIS early stage!!

pagwatch · 28/04/2008 17:46

oh EEM - not offended. mildly jealous perhaps. I haven't been a floosie for decades

( you did get that the flosie was a joke didn't you?
The grin was a clue. Plus that no one has used floosie since about 1953 )

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:48

well in one end street where i come from if anything i would expect to split 50/50 when you dont know each other rather than when you do

Original poster
ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 17:48

Oh, gosh zippi, no! I don't mean that at all! I mean that he and I have been brought up with great social conventions, and by not following them it suggests (to me) that he doesn't give a fig. From which I might conclude that the weekend is only about sex for him, in which case I am not interested. But, would I be jumping to conclusions in coming to that decision?

OP posts:
glaskham · 28/04/2008 17:48

three dates?.....oops....though in my defence me and Dh had been best friends for 6mths prior!!! haha!! I think you should split costs, we always did!!

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:49

someone has to suggest where you go for a date tho

if men thought they had to pay theyd never ask surely

neither would i

rookiemater · 28/04/2008 17:49

Agree with notabanana. Its exceptionally bad manners to ask someone to go somewhere and then for them to pay for it. If he said half then maybe but to pay for it no, must go whinging infant

DaddyJ · 28/04/2008 17:51

By prep-school set I understood EEM to mean that the chap is wealthy enough
to afford to be old-school in his manners, too.

Which he isn't, hence EEM's quite reasonable surprised reaction.

He might be a 'modern' man or just very tight.
Good idea to find out now.

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:51

Message withdrawn

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 28/04/2008 17:52

I'd just come right out and say something like "if you just want sex I have to warn you you're dating the wrong girl! I'm a classy bird, ha ha". You may see skid marks, but it'll sort the wheat from the chaff.

Is there an e on the end of chaff?

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:52

i think normal sociasl conventions would be 50/50

needahand · 28/04/2008 17:53

Excuse me. Can you see him before that weekend or is the weekend this weekend. I think I would try to get to the bottom of this before I get myself more involved. Or perhaps I would just postpone the weekend and have a few more dates beforehand. That way you can have more information and also test his reaction at the postponing of the weekend.

Gosh I am so glad I am not dating anymore. What a headache though. But I do agree with other comments about getting involved with someone who is mean. From experience people who are tight with their money are tight with everything else but perhaps I am generalising.

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:53

Message withdrawn

pagwatch · 28/04/2008 17:54

Yes EEm. You have to have an open discussion with him. You need to find the 'cut of his jib'.

You don't want to invest in him at all if he is not really interested. Especially if you move in similar groups. That could be awkward later.
What do you think you will do?

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:54

Message withdrawn

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 28/04/2008 17:54

I went out with a man years ago who expected (demanded actually) that I pay half of everything. I earned a quarter of what he earned, so it was really unfair. I did dump him eventually, because he had other faults. It was only afterwards that I even realised HOW eye-wateringly mean he had been.

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:55

lolol

well school seems a weird measure

is it your self or your kids you are measuring by?

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 28/04/2008 17:55

I say unfair, because he chose expensive places to go on holiday and expensive places to eat.

windygalestoday · 28/04/2008 17:55

i think you should assume its 50/50 my dh is v old school and when we first started dating i found it v hard that he insisted on paying for everything he worked as a doorman so because i refused him to buy me drinks etc etc because he was working he had them run a tab for me - it did make me feel uncomfortable nd i had to ask him to stop almost as if he was prepaying for sex mind you weve been married 16 years now and i have no such inhibitions these days lolol

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 28/04/2008 17:56

I've heard the expression old-school but not prep-school. It just means old-fashioned good manners I think.

pagwatch · 28/04/2008 17:56

Ditto Chequers . although i also think tight usually = selfish - which is just as bad as rude.

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:57

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 18:00

a guy wanted to take me out for a posh dinner in the west end his expression not mine was a banker

i was happy enough he made it pretty clear he was paying

mners may remember this

then he said bring an overnight bag

i said oh no ill make my own arrangements then he said he had a fantastic apartment in st johns wood that i would really like

so i said no ill make my own arrangments

so i bought something to wear etc

checked out where he worked and what he did

a corporate banker for an arab bank

then he said he really wanted me to stay at his swank apartment

at which point i said no and he blew me out

id rather have the pleb split the cost version than tghe high class hooker one

Original poster
ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 18:00

the hotel is not yet booked, so it is postponable.
Okay, I need to have a long and frank discussion with him. Any suggestions on how to go about it?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 18:01

find a hotel

ring him and say the hotel i like costs blah

are we splitting it 50/50

Swipe left for the next trending thread