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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the man to pay?

131 replies

ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 17:12

I have recently started seeing a wonderful man. He has asked me if I would like to go away for a weekend with him. A wonderful idea, as it means we can spend some time getting to know each other away from children etc... Except, I think he wants me to pay for the hotel - surely that is not right

OP posts:
Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 17:33

DaddyJ, we are definitely still in the 'courtship' stage, its only a month in.

OP posts:
needahand · 28/04/2008 17:34

Hi Chequers!

Excuseme I would really not be comfortable with this. It was his suggestion. He decided on a hotel without really checking if you can afford it (and the question of whether you can or not is irrelevant, he should have checked). I think it would be slighlty unreasonable to then present you with the bill (unless you can contribute whatever you can afford). In any events I just don't think it is very thoughtful.

If he can afford it and just won't I would be supra wary

I don't think the issue is whether you have to pay something or not as you probably would anyway or offer. I really think it depends on how it is presented to you.

pagwatch · 28/04/2008 17:34

Only a month !
well as a prep school mum I have to say ....floosie !

FreddysTeddy · 28/04/2008 17:34

Is "getting to know each other away from children etc" a euphemism for first time sex?

Sorry, I'm not part of the prep-school set so don't know.

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:35

oh i dont know old school rules lol

my bf and i share costs and i never thought otherwise

the first time we stayed in ahotel he booked it on his card but we were both sat at the computer..it was our third date

in fact at the end of the weekend we just letr the money ride to the next time and we just do tallying up roughly at intervals just to make sure neither of us are out of pocket

Original poster
ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 17:36

sorry, 'prep school set' perhaps a more pc way of saying that we are both from well-to-do families

OP posts:
Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:36

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:37

Message withdrawn

tissy · 28/04/2008 17:37

in which case, I would DEFINITELY offer to pay half, or it will appear that if you shag, he has paid for it, or, alternatively, if he pays he expects to get his leg over!

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:38

so do you think well to do folk have different rules then

from us hoi polloi

kerryk · 28/04/2008 17:38

imagine how awkward it will be when you fart in your sleep or stink out the bathroom

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:38

Message withdrawn

spicemonster · 28/04/2008 17:39

If I were expected to pay half (or thought I might be), at the point where he said 'let's stay in a hotel not a b&b', I'd have said 'ooh not sure if I can afford that this month'. Then he could have either said 'I'm paying' or suggest an alternative. That way you'd know. But it's a bit late for that now. Is the place you booked really pricey on the grounds that you were expecting him to fork out?

And what does prep school set mean?!

zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:39

prep school set is a hilarious expression i hope you dont say it out loud

FreddysTeddy · 28/04/2008 17:39

LOLOLOL kerry

Kathyis6incheshigh · 28/04/2008 17:40

LOL - it's not a more PC way of saying it, believe me

BTW, I agree with Zippi. You should be going halves and if you can't talk about who pays what on earth are you doing shagging him?

NotABanana · 28/04/2008 17:40

I always thought if someone invited you somewhere it was up to them to pay.

This is a bit different as it will cost more than dinner and I think you should go halves.

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:40

Message withdrawn

pagwatch · 28/04/2008 17:42

EEM

you personal financial positions are neither here nor there in this instance. You need to find out what he intends to do beacsue it is another aspect of his personality that you need to understand. And you don't need the tension of wondering if you will be expected to pay.
I booked a spa weekend for myself and equally financially comfortable friend but we sorted out how we would pay well in advance because it is good manners to do so.

where are you going?
Get him to agree to pay and book the Astor Suite at Cliveden the beds are spectacular

Original poster
ErmExcuseMe · 28/04/2008 17:42

I am not sure what his expectations of the weekend are, but I would presume sex is on the cards. Perhaps this does make me a floozy, if that offends you pag, I have nothing to offer in my defence. But, your opinions are welcome on the issue of who pays.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 28/04/2008 17:42

omg i hope not i said to bf on saturday id like to go on holiday with you

i certainly didnt mean i was paying

WilfSell · 28/04/2008 17:43

Of course you should split it, whatever 'set' you're from.

pagwatch · 28/04/2008 17:44

I like that euphimism now. I shall always refer to myself in th future as Equally Financially Comfortable. Because it sounds snotty but actually could mean absoloutely anything

must fly darlings. Mwah

Chequers · 28/04/2008 17:44

Message withdrawn