He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

So sorry to read your update @Girlmath
Just horrendous.
Hope you're OK.
Ignore the useless moron and enjoy your son's birthday.
Tomorrow - start planning.
All the best to you.
MN is the best place for those who are in genuine need of support.

(NOT taking any blame away from your DP at all, but surprised that the manager friend let him drive home knowing how much he'd drunk)

So either he was so drunk he doesn't remember what he did or he wasn't drunk and should remember what he did. It can't be a bit of both.

I hope it's your wake up call to throw him out. I'd not put up with that for a moment. Complete disrepect to you and your children, not to mention being an incredibly stupid and dangerous pratt for drink driving. How would it have affected your family if he'd been caught and loses his licence, or had an accident and you'd have to suffer the huge financial consequences, or if he ended up in prison if he'd killed or seriously injured someone. You CAN do better than this low life waster. You deserve better. You'd be better off without him. Get rid.

He hasn’t even managed to be truly remorseful and apologetic, instead he tells you it is lie. We all know it isn’t including him.

Focus on your son. Leave that festering disgrace in his pit and vow that this time next year you will be free of this contempt and disrespect.

The gas lighting and refusal to just apologise makes it so much worse.

He's utter alcoholic scum.
God help you and your children.

Tell your family the truth.

Well said, the only answer it to get rid.

And spending £20 will still put him way over the limit.

Lady, you do not deserve any of this and it is only going to get worse. Do you want your lovely boy growing up to think that this is what a real man is? You are already taking on the workload of a single parent, time to move on from this and get rid. I am not saying it will be easy - he will make things as difficult as possible for you - but time to get a life of your own without this idiot. NB - I had to do this myself under very similar circumstances and now look back and wonder how I lasted so long under my "everybody's friend party boy" ex-husband's gaslighting regime.

He is f*cking disgusting.

I'd suggest getting your ducks in a row and reporting him to the police for drink driving. He could have killed someone. Make sure you've got evidence of his utter lack of competence to be safely left in charge of children.

@Girlmath this

You tell him he needs to leave your home, put his stuff on boxes and change the locks. This man doesn't want to be there and is waiting for you to kick him out, he just doesn't have the balls to sit and have a chat with you so instead he sabotages the marriage and pisses on your door.

So true, every time I feel a bit down about being on my own I read about the antics of some man on here and feel such a sense of calm and relief. The timeline of his behaviour from the drunk driving through to the pissing on the floor and then the sexist comments and all round lack of family involvement sound shocking and draining for the OP. When you are on your own it is knackering and stressful but at least there is not the strain of waiting and hoping for the other parent to pull their weight and then all they do is create extra stuff to deal with

i know people hate this but: he doesn't enhance your life in any way. Bin him off. you'll still have to do everything but he won't be pissing on your slippers again

Absolutely. This was my point I made upthread. He is not as drunk as he was pretending to be. He just has no respect and possibly even hates OP and wanted her to have a terrible start to her sons special day. This is incredibly sinister. I bets there’s many other things he does to show his utter contempt of her.

The first time any man pissed on my carpet would be the last. And that includes a one off drunken incident.

Nobody accidentally gets that hammered that they end up pissing all over the house, I don’t care if it was a one off - he’d be gone.

But this man isn’t just a one off is he? He’s a prize arsehole, and I would wait until the party’s over and then I’d throw him out.

Whose name is the house in?

Just saw your update.

That’s awful Op, so how is he explaining the slippers and clothes with urine on it then if he is denying it was him?

I think he does remember it very well and he knows it was him. So he is definitely trying to wind you up and avoid taking accountability.

This is who he is and after the celebrations
you'll need to sit down and honestly ask yourself if this is who you want as a partner.

The lack of apology, remorse, self awareness tells you everything you need to know about this man.

I would tell his family and make plans for him to be gone by Christmas. 💐

OP let this be the last time he ruins a special occasion for you and your children. This is not behaviour that you should accept and it isn’t normal. It’s easy for me to say LTB because he isn’t my DH or father of my children but for you and your children’s sakes please start making tracks to leave this awful, awful man.

ETA that I never comment on these threads but yours struck me and your DP sounds exactly like my dad. My mum kicked him out when I was 2 years old and I didn’t see him again until I was 15. When I met him again he’d remarried and when I say his wife a mug believe me. She cleans up his drunken piss (his signature move. He once pissed in her wardrobe) and tolerates his vile, sexist attitude. Meanwhile my mum remarried a lovely lovely man and is so happy now. You deserve better.

@Girlmath The pub manager friend is not your friend , he enables your partner's appealing behaviour and is a massive twat (imo). pub "friend" has a duty of care to the pub patrons to not overserve etc.
I hope your child has a good birthday

Yuck, that is appalling behaviour. Enjoying a few drinks is not the same as getting blind drunk, driving dangerously (he could have killed someone and ended up in prison) and then peeing over your bedroom. He may be a full blown alcoholic who needs treatment. Make DS's birthday as lovely as possible and have a serious talk next week.

When my STBXH came home and drunkenly pissed all over our bedroom, all over my dressing table, all my make up and toiletries, my small chest of drawers ... it was the final papercut of the thousand that made me realise that I deserved better.

So do you OP.

Let him know 270 women so far think he is a pig - see what he makes of that! Enjoy the party!

Your last post makes it worse! If you had been horrified by his behaviour and took accountability then you could maybe salvage the situation. But not with him behaving like this.

I can’t see how you can move forward for this, well I can but there are only 2 options really.

1. you decide that this is what you life is and put up with it, forever plastering a smile of your face. But nothing changes for the better,
2. you separate and move on with your life. Life will be shit and hard at first but then get much better,

You sound fantastic OP. Do not demean yourself by staying with this useless excuse for a partner.