He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

His reaction tells you all you need to know.

Why are you with him Op? Just dump him

Smile and act like nothing happened. Get through tomorrow with the best show girl Mum performance possible.

Book a hotel on his credit card for the following weekend and tell him that you’re suffering from exhaustion from all the Mum jobs and leave him to look after kids.

What good qualities would make up for all that?

And to stop them driving drunk

How can she? I doubt she'd think they'd be safe

What?

Men like your husband is why women kill. You were wrong to baby him when he was pissing on the floor. I just got the ick through mumsnet. He’s revolting. Start to women up.

OP - just dump this absolute pig. He has no redeeming qualities. Pointless being with him.

Who does he think pissed on the clothes/carpet? Is he blaming the dog?

Also even if he did only spend £20 in the pub that's still four/five pints or a bottle of wine and you shouldn't be driving after that anyway.

Shit, low calibre men…

Have you read some kind of Surrendered Wife book? What is this nonsense?

My ex pissed on the floor in a B&B in Bournemouth. My friend's ex pissed on the mucky washing in their laundry basket. Note the words ex.

Ex used to be exactly like this when drunk and was extremely aggressive and emotionally abusive with it to boot. He would goad me by saying the most horrendous things to upset me and get right in my face while leering and talking down to me. He would tell lies and accuse me of doing things I hadn’t done. He told his friends and family that I had assaulted him when I hadn’t touched him. He would call me names and tell me how pathetic and useless I was. Would then laugh at how pathetic I was and tell me how I was lucky I was that he allowed me to be with him. 🙄 Every time I’d fall asleep he would purposely wake me up and accuse me of being a lying bitch for pretending to be asleep.

He also pissed all over the bathroom floor and then would deny being drunk or having drunk anything when he blatantly was shit-faced. I was crazy, jealous of him or was drunk myself etc. The mind games and the wait to see how he would be the next day caused me horrendous anxiety. He was a binge drinker but “didn’t have problem because he didn’t drink every day” but would be every weekend and he had no limit and couldn’t drink socially just drank until he couldn’t drink any more. He was lovely when he was sober, it was like night and day. Literally Jekyll and Hyde. I used to record him after a while because he also couldn't accept believe he had done it and couldn’t be more apologetic the next day but it usually took until the evening hours for him to properly sober up and take any responsibility. Of course it didn’t stop him drinking though.

Eventually it escalated further and the police had to be called and he was removed from the house after he threatened myself and a friend. He came back later on and tried to kick my front door in to get in, (he didn’t live with me thankfully so didn’t have a key). It never ever gets better, only worse. I didn’t press charges although I should have at the time but I was so worn down by it all. It all started just as you described and got worse over time.

Sorry to waffle on but please consider your position in this relationship very carefully especially if you have children.

You see this is the way I used to think, when I was in the midst of the control and coercion.

What I have realised since I dumped my useless, selfish ex is that normal, non-selfish, non-alcoholic, kind and considerate men DONT DO THIS.
And certainly don't wake up the next day and deny it and refuse to take accountability.

Don't settle for the kind of man who is known for pisssing in the wardrobe ... there are better men in the world.

He drove after drinking! Utterly unforgivable. That alone would be enough justification to make him leave for good.

The rest of it is just bloody disgusting. How sad that you and your child have to live with him.

His reaction tells you all you need to know OP. Whats role model for your child.

I hope you start making plans to leave him tomorrow.

I'm so sorry.

(Also, if that's a "papercut", wtf else was he doing?)

Poor you op but you are appearing powerless over it all and he has no consequences - he’s a horrible man - I hope you have real life support - look up al anon - 🌺hope you can enjoy the day with your son.

@Nanny0gg agree, was going to carry on writing but a friend turned up .
I would consider reporting "pub friend" higher up, to his boss or pub co.
I've been out the trade for a while but my arse would have been rightly handed to me if I knowingly behaved like that.
Please note I'm not trying to derail the thread.
Also @PigEyes 🤫

Agree with all of this.
The pissing all over the floor would in itself be hard to get over, but the drunk driving ? Totally and utterly unacceptable.

@Girlmath

Sounds to me as if this isn't a one-off. Maybe the drunken pissing was (or maybe not), but I have a feeling the gaslighting and disrespect ('mum job', indeed!) are probably part and parcel of your married life.

Get through today. That's job one. Tomorrow, try to find some quiet time to think about the totality of your married life. Is this really the way you want to live the next 20-30-40 or even 50 years of your life?

@CloudgazerCat

Thank you.

The other 'papercuts' would make me feel too foolish to admit on a public forum.
I stayed way longer than I should have. I was honestly in a place where I believed I was lucky to have him.
I left 3 months ago ... I fell to little bits and I am starting to rebuild myself ... its fucking hard but I keep telling myself that it will be worth it.

Ignoring the evidence too... Don't wash his pissy clothes.

He's trying to wear you down to shut you up, knowing that you are upset and playing on the fact that you are trying to stay calm to give your son a nice birthday. That's even worse than what he did in the first place. he knows what he did, but there's no remorse whatsoever.

As @SushiSheep says, ignore the moron.

Get on with your day and focus on your lovely DS and your family.

Personally I would tell him to get out of your way and do whatever stupid hobby he has for the day. Otherwise I bet he will make a big production out of taking credit for your son's happiness at the celebration and acting "The Good Dad" as if he had any part at all in making this a special day for your DS.