He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

The mum job you need to do is get your ducks in a line and file for divorce. This shit doesn't get better, it will carry on reducing you, your sense of self worth and your ability to be the best mother possible.

Does he have a gym bag or his own car? I'd put all the pissy clothes etc in there to stink the place out and for him to deal with. Then he can't keep telling even himself that it didn't happen.

Honey, he’s dragging you down. You’d be better off without him. Seriously. Why are you putting up with this? Hugs. Xx

Dark!

Absolutely disgusting that he didn't immediately start cleaning it up, properly. I would not have allowed him to go to sleep! He's a selfish fucking pig. No drinking or bladder control, no care about your feelings, does not give a shit if he kills someone drink driving. I'm sorry but men can piss into a bottle without even having to get out of bed. Why the fuck do it on the floor and just expect you to deal with it. Seriously if this isn't the final straw I don't know what could be.

It doesn't matter if he acknowledges what he did or not. @Girlmath , you know what happened and can end the relationship for any reason at all.

He should be utterly mortified.
he should be completely apologetic
he should be making changes to quit drinking

If You have any friends or family locally you could confide in I’d really recommend doing that. A group of strangers on the internet can provide amazing support at times, but I think you need someone in real life too. This is a hell of a thing to be dealing with without a proper shoulder to cry on. You have been amazingly strong holding it together for your children. But being able to fall apart discretely with a close friend can also be helpful. You know what you need to do, and it can seem really daunting. Just take one step at a time. Find a friend you can trust and tell them what’s going on. And make an appointment with a solicitor. You don’t need to say anything to your husband about this. He doesn’t deserve any consideration. Do what is right for you and your children, because it is clear he never will.

I like this idea!

It takes sn act of will to stop covering for an alcoholic and exhausting yourself to keep up the perfect front but you have to stop. You are enabling him and, in essence, colluding with him when you do everything to run the household and do the children’s parties seamlessly as though he isn’t fucking up. I know this sounds harsh but you are well down the path to self destructive codependency and your children will pay the price even as you are killing yourself trying to protect them. There can be no real emotional or physical or psychological safety in the home of a drunk who pisses on the floor and because blackout/selfush/deceitful can’t take responsibility for his own shameful behavior.

YANBU OP I’ve only read your first post, as he said “it’s a Mum job” I would leave and he would do “Dad jobs” when his children visit at weekends.

He seems to have zero respect for you simply because you aren’t a man.

I couldn't get past the drunk driving, everything else pales into insignificance.
I couldn't live with someone who cared so little about himself/his family and the poor people he could potentially harm.

This is awful, so many layers of being let down. I would not have done the food shop. I would have taken my family out to eat somewhere and let my (d)h sit at home alone with no food. What a p*ss take - literally.

Balloons be damned. He drove home massively drunk and could have killed someone. Big conversation needed.

I'm definitely on the more tolerant side of the scale usually but this is disgusting behaviour - and in my experience exactly the sort of thing that he is likely to try and either minimise, or make you feel guilty I.e don't you make a fuss and be the one to spoil your little boys birthday. DO NOT LET HIM DO THAT. You are completely not being unreasonable.

OP, your husband clearly has a problem with alcohol, and you're going to have to work hard to drive that home to him. He absolutely must get help for it.

Years ago, my friend's husband came home blind drunk and urinated up the wall of their living room. His drinking never stopped and became worse. Twenty years on, they're divorced, he's had pancreatic cancer, and he still can't stop drinking.

If your husband is able to accept that he has a problem and seeks help, I don't think this has to be the end of the world if he has redeeming qualities. I say that not knowing much about your marriage, of course.

I think he needs to give up the booze, forever. Full stop. He has to be willing to do that, though.

Vile. Well I hope he got up before 10am without a hangover because of course he didn't have much to drink did he 😏 So I'm sure he won't mind loud birthday music.

This made me think of Al Anon, the group for friends and relatives of people living with alcoholism.

Get through the birthday, hope your Ds has a lovely day then really start to decide how you want to live long term.
I stayed with a husband like yours for far far too long, the children will be fine.

You have every right to be upset OP and I feel for you. Is this episode a one off?
Is he showing true remorse?

I don't normally comment on posts like this but I feel so angry for you. You and your children deserve so much more than this. Get beyond today and start making plans. This man doesn't love and respect any of you how you want him to. Don't waste these precious years on him.

My ex used to do this. Get absolutely pissed and behave like an arsehole before the children's birthday, my birthday, christmas, or any other important day.

I would then be blamed for being moody and ruining the special day. When questioned, his answer was always 'so, I has a drink, yeah'.

Honestly pathetic, best thing I ever did was divorce him. You should do the same, you and your kids will be so much happier without that gaslighting waste of space literally pissing on everything.

Hugs to you @Girlmath, I know how it feels. I hope you managed to find some joy in today, despite being married to a prick who doesn't deserve you x

One of the main reasons I left my ex! I did everything, I look back and he never brought the kid's a present, never brought them a cake, or helped with the decorations, or anything in general. Just ruined the day. Was lazy and self absorbed. The weeing is disgusting but I could have forgiven if the rest had been done, and he was up to help and remorseful for it.

Now, their step dad puts balloons up, and banners, buys them gifts, writes them personalised messages inn their card's. My point is, don't settle for someone who is absolutely shit, and treats you like shit.

Don't wash his clothes. Keep it as evidence that he peed on the floor. Get your slipper out of the bin. Ditto. Explain to him that unless he takes responsibility for what he did, apologises profusely and promises that it will never happen again, your marriage is OVER. TBH he sounds like a nasty, selfish dickhead and I would not be confident that your marriage his going to last.

There are no words 🤢 sorry this happened to you.