He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

It strikes me that you're concerned about him 'ruining the day' for you and your children when the reality is he's 'ruining your lives' with his behaviour.

I'd be showing him the door with his misogynistic, useless, man-child behaviour.

Mine pissed in the corner of the bedroom while I was pregnant. I slept on the living room floor.

One Christmas Eve he went out with work mates. I struggled bringing bikes down out of the roof space. Finally rolled home in the wee small hours of Christmas morning.

so sorry, OP. I feel for you 😢

It's the drink driving that is the worst part of this . Tell him that next time you will report him and if he goes out drinking again he leaves his car keys at home and uses public transport. This is a deal breaker . Make him grovel at your feet for what he had done .

Drunk driving is an abomination.The rest of the behaviour is deplorable. If this is a one off there may be ways to salvage this relationship. If not it might be time to consider whether you want him in your life.

Wow, the whole thing just gets worse as you read it. And now here you are rushing out early this morning on no sleep as he hasn't helped at all. I couldn't be with a man like this. He obviously brings zero to the table.

Get him out.

I literally cant understand people on here saying " I would forgive the weeing if it was a one off". Like, what? I can sort of understand someone being very drunk and weeing the bed, once, then feeling mortified, cleaning after themselves and never doing it again - but this was deliberate? He was not that drunk if he managed to get home, helped with balloons and then even tried to mop up the piss afterwards. He made a decision to piss on the floor, same as he is made a decision to drive home while drunk.

Well he doesn’t love you OP. Obviously.

I hope you have a lovely birthday with your son 🌟🌟🌟

Fuck.that.You sound like you are doing everything. Honestly? Id seriously consider going it alone. You might as well carry on doing everything, but just for you and your children.One less set of clothes to wash, one less person's mess to clean up. One less meal to cook.

What's he bringing to your life except stress.

Attempting to make you feel bad because you're "in a mood" because he's pissed all over the bedroom and drove home drunk is so far beyond unreasonable behaviour, I don't even know what to say.

You've got one life to live, is this the life you want?

He's one massive ick and you and your children deserve better.

Driving home, pissed, is unacceptable and frankly hard to forgive.

Pissing on the floor as he's so drunk is disgusting. It would be forgivable if he was 19 and hadn't learned to handle his booze yet. But this is a grown man - a husband and a father - presumably at least in his late 20s given the age of your kids, if not older. Vile.

It's not even as if he's a delight when sober. Saying food shopping is a 'mum job' is pathetic. Does he not eat then? Cos if you eat and you're a physically and mentally able adult you need to shop for food.

Worst of all, he's let his kids down by failing to do the things he agreed to for them.

Treat yourself with the respect he fails to, and LTB.

Because he would have been in no physical state to clean up, wouldn't have done it properly, and would have left the bedroom stinking of piss. Of course she had to do it.

But he needs to go OP. I feel like you know that, but there's so much in this post alone, I'm sure there's other things, and you deserve so much better!

I'm sorry no update sooner, I appreciate the messages thank you. It might just be tiredness but I just feel really numb.
I eventually got up at 7 went to Tesco's and got back about 9.20, we live quite rurally so it's a bit of a trek and I didn't want him driving. Though I have huge guilt about leaving the children here asleep with him.
I've been totally gaslit today, the dog woke up early and he got up and was obviously confused by the pile of stuff in front of the washing machine. He woke me to ask what happened and I explained and frankly he didn't believe me. He just kept saying noooo. His logic is that he remembers getting home and putting the presents out and going to bed. He has no recollection of peeing so it was sleepwalking. He was absolutely fine to drive home. He only doesn't £20 at the pub (apparently, but our friend is the manager and doesn't charge him fir everything). He was there however many hours and his body gets rid of x amount of units and hour so he can't have been drunk. I assured him he was a d that he was talking nonsense and trying to blot the pee up with his nice top. I told him to look in the bin at the bag and my slippers but he's not taking any accountability. Then he got mad at me because I had messaged the manager in the night to see if that's where he'd been drinking.
Once I got home from Tesco's he was still in bed, I did the children's breakfast and put the food away. I'm trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave and happy face for my son 💔

What an arsehole. Get through today and tomorrow and then get to work to make some changes.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position, how vile, and to let down your little boy is absolutely unforgivable.

I would do your best to pretend it didn’t happen so it doesn’t mar your day, I can understand how it’s burning away at you. Just focus on your son today and formulate a plan as to how you’re going to deal with him, cool and controlled, whatever you do, do not let this slide.

My husband used to drink a lot before we had kids, he even disappeared for the entire night when I was a week away from my due date, passed out at a friend’s, missing about 20 calls from me. That was the last time, he was so ashamed of himself. He also once got up in the night when we were in our 20’s, thought he was in the toilet, and pissed on my poor dog!! The disbelief on the dogs face was something else, we were shocked! This has never happened since becoming a dad, if he did it would be game over, especially letting down our child on their birthday!

I hope your son has a great day, I’m sure you’ll make sure he does!

Ah, the gaslighting has already begun.

Seriously, OP.

This isn't about him 'ruining the day'. This is about him 'ruining your life' and the lives of your children.

Get rid.

This is all heartbreaking. Sending hugs. I bet your son will have a lovely day - you sound like a great mum.
It reminds me a bit of my ex who poured lager on my beloved sofa at 3am the night before my Aunt's funeral.

This!!!!!⬆️ He was an absolute asshole for doing what he did in the 1st place but he's sunk to a whole new low by not taking any responsibility for it & treating you like he has this morning, in the cold light of day, when he's sober & knows exactly what he's doing & saying. Awful, awful man. Get rid.

He is an alcoholic unfortunately. Noone without serious issues with alcohol drives when very drunk, and denies they were very drunk when all the evidence is there.

Honestly op do you really want that as a role model for your kids?

Bad enough that he drove whilst drunk and then used your carpet as a toilet, but the lack of accountability/ remorse and getting mad at you takes it to a whole other level. He KNOWS he was out of control or he'd be able to remember what happened.

He is a disgusting human.

Hope you are ok op

When you get a moment, call the al-anon helpline and explain what happened last night and what he is saying about it this morning. They will have heard it all before and be able to give practical and emotional support. Good luck

He's an alcoholic and that's a problem of his, you need to decide how much you want in your life.

Sorry you're going through this.

You know what I'd do? Go outside and beat the fucking shit out of his car. Properly bash it in. Then tell him he obviously had a crash he doesn't remember. Scare the shit out of him. Then stick all his stuff in the bag with his pissy clothes and throw it all outside. Lock him out and tell him to fuck off. He has no respect for you or DC or your house. He could do one. I wouldn't continue with someone like that, that would just kill any love dead, being disrespected like that.

Yup great point about the knowing he's out of control being linked to the not remembering, or believing his wife!

My ex had a similar habit of forgetting things he did wrong. Laser sharp memory for all my transgressions, real or imagined!