…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

[Renegader]

Hi MNers,

Unfortunately back in September I was dismissed from my job due to failure of probation. This was the next working day after I took a few hours off which I requested TOIL to go the vet to seek an update on the cat I rescued from outside my workplace. My manager whom was very controlling and acted angrily to any kind of challenging of his ‘authority’ used this as a reason to fail my probation and dismiss me immediately. I sought legal advice and was told as I was in probation there’s not much I can do, even though I wasn’t even on a warning nor did I commit any kind of misconduct.

My weasel of a manager calls me after the charity manager dismisses me saying he was having a stressful day and didn’t think his boss would actually fire me even though he blew the cat situation out of proportion and knows she is very harsh. He said to give him as a reference for any future jobs and that he is so sorry about everything, so that’s what I did.

Fast forward to today and I get an email from a job I was due to start in a few weeks saying they are withdrawing the job offer as my former manager would only provide a basic reference thus raising a red flag for them. This was when he said he would give me a positive reference. I was good at my job and my clients I supported were very happy with me.

I have been in tears for most of the day, feeling completely powerless and hopeless about my future. Am I going to be blacklisted from this sector because I did a good deed and stood my ground about it? I need a job, this cat is expensive and I feel like my former manager and employer are trying to ruin my life. Because of their inept Payroll team I am also having my Universal Credit slashed by 20% as my employer took a Direct Earnings Attachment from my salary for a previous DWP advance then appear to not have actually sent the monies to HMRC as DWP told me they have no record of it despite the deductions being on my payslips. So, in conclusion, they sabotaged my employment with them, my benefits whilst out of work and now my future employment prospects. The most laughable thing is they are supposed to be a mental health charity but are doing everything in their power to push me to despair! Any advice on how to overcome this would be much appreciated, thanks in advance.

Just to add I applied for this new job at the end of September, they have been protracting the process anyway and I have turned down other jobs waiting to start this one so that’s why it feels like such a big blow.

No, not even close but thank you for the kind words, I do appreciate it.

If you've turned down other jobs, I would approach them again and explain that your circumstances have changed and that you can now accept the opportunity if it is still available.

None of them might be but it's worth a try. Even if they have someone in the role, if they leave or don't pass probation then they might contact you if they know you are now available.

Another HR here.

1. Agree the majority of companies now are only allowed to give confirmation of dates of employment. No sabotage here at all.
2. You were absent without leave, part way through your working day. As you didn't wait for the response before you took the time. That is an error on your part, which is disregard to the procedures.
3. I'm unsure how safeguarding comes into it as you would have an enhanced DBS carried out. The new organisation could have asked you to obtain a professional character reference after receiving the basic reference back from your previous organisation. They didn't.

Draw a line under this and take ownership of your actions and learn by them.

took a few hours off which I requested TOIL to go the vet to seek an update on the cat I rescued from outside my workplace

To be honest I think you’re overthinking this.

It is a silly mistake to make but just grow from it. It doesn’t have to hold you back, but there might be an element where you accept you may need to do things differently in the future and it might take some time to secure a new job. Thinking it was unjust and unfair and having a super emotional response won’t help you.

If you’re genuinely scared about your ex employer sabotaging you, just don’t include the job on your CV. 7 months experience isn’t that much.

Hi OP, I hope you're ok, it sounds like you've had a tough time. Starting a new job is a huge deal, especially when you have a poorly relative at home who's mental health is in a bad way.

Very gently, I've read your responses and my senses are querying whether there's a little more to this. I wouldn't say it's common for someone to take in a stray cat at work, tell their boss that they're in debt and have a suicidal family member (Im a manager and have no clue if my colleagues are in debt for example), and then become convinced their manager is trying to ruin their life as they didn't pass their probation due to what is probably lots of complex things going on for you that's detracting from your workplace commitment. Now, he's only willing to provide a basic reference as he's clearly unsure about your work performance, and you're throwing out some really quite worrying accusations.

My advice would be to take a breather and reach out to your GP for some support. You have a lot going on for you and I'm sensing there things you could perhaps work on before taking up your next post.

Think about yours and your colleagues boundaries. Perhaps rethink telling them about your personal situation so early and also think about whether you're able to prioritise work. As a manager, I wouldn't want a new member of staff leaving work having Teams messages me 30mins before and not waiting until I've responded. He was likely in a meeting, on a call, or busy. You can't just take it upon yourself to leave, that's unprofessional and most employers wouldn't take kindly to that.

Like I say, take a breather, perhaps reach out for some in life support. I think you may have your own mental health challenges that are blinding you a little to what's really happened here.

I have always worked and my clients spoke very highly of me and the support I provided them.

That's great OP - but you will also be aware that when you work in a client facing role in mental health settings, it's even more difficult when you just take off, because you're letting clients down if you have to cancel sessions or pushing administrative work on to others.

I've managed counsellors and APs, and unfortunately we have had to not pass probation for people who were good with clients but were not able to provide enough consistency because there was always drama in their personal life of one sort or another that affected their attendance at work or how they were in the team. It was always such a shame when you knew someone was fundamentally good at the job, but they just couldn't sustain the level of consistency and performance. End of the day, we have a responsibility to put clients first, and a responsible employer in this field won't keep someone in a client facing role who has already had quite a bit of absence, which affects the consistency of support, and then walks out of work for a random cat.

Honestly, if your OCD is that severe when triggered then you need to be honest with your manager on future occasions when it's like that and say you have to go home on sick leave, as that will be much more understandable to a manager than "I have to go see this cat I rescued off the street".

Op whatever you have going on work on that if you manage to get a new job this victim mentality you have going on will not suddenly make you keep the next job

Yes people can get genuinely sick at times but this endless drama could mean you will be constantly looking for jobs

This .

I’ve only read your posts, OP.

I’m in HR and have worked across several sectors, including voluntary.

Is the role you’ve applied for covered by “safer recruitment”? If so that is why a basic reference has raised alarm bells. It’s also possible that they called the manager who said a lot more over the phone, which you could never prove.

I had this OP (minus the cat drama) - I resigned on threat of dismissal after making a complaint about a colleague, I suddenly had a magical competency issue appear from nowhere. I got offered 3 jobs, which were withdrawn due to a bad reference. Legally there’s nothing you can do.

So I did the only thing I could - when the 4th job offer came, I was honest with them before I gave reference information. I told them circumstances, leaving out names, and how totally mortified I was that I was having to tell a potential new employer but it’s better they hear it from me first so if they do get a bad reference, which they did, they have the facts.
it worked.

Honesty goes a long way and employers don’t like to be on the back foot. Be brave and have the difficult conversation. Best of luck OP

Are you sure it's not anxiety rather than OCD? You were worried about the cat. I can understand that but I can understand why you left work when you were told you shouldn't and then got upset when you didn't get a good reference.

How long was probation and at what point did they ask you to leave?

You mentioned having a few weeks off for illness. Might that have been the real problem.

Raising my eyebrows at "well-being hour"
Seriously, what is the world coming to.

Yeah if you were my employee I'd be showing you the door

All office jobs I have had, have a policy that they will only give basic references - regarding of reason you left. I find this alarming that a job offer has been rescinded because of this.

Don’t worry OP, I failed probation in a previous role. It was worse before I failed probation because I knew it was going to happen, but it was for the best - a new job will come along for you soon. So sorry the reference issue has cropped up, I can’t imagine it will happen again!

I agree it's not your employer's business what you do with your TOIL or annual leave. But you can't expect it to be granted it with 30 minutes notice without a very good reason. If you want leave with basically no notice, then you do need to provide a reason.

Unfortunately in this case, the reason wasn't adequate. The cat situation was sorted, it was safe at the vet. What the OP really needed was leave for her mental health. If she had explained that she was having MH difficulties and would like to take the rest of the day as TOIL, there was a chance that would have been granted.

OP, do you always have difficulty accepting responsibility for your own actions?
No one is trying to ruin your life for their own amusement.
You did the wrong thing and you paid the price. Sounds like it probably wasn't the only reason but a 'last straw' situation.
That's all.

You were let go because you took unauthorised leave, you’ve not accepted that you were wrong to do so and focusing on the cat makes you appear odd. Maybe look at things from your ex employers point of view be willing to explain to interviewers what you’d do differently next time?

Sounds like they’ve given an honest reference on the phone, as PP have said.

I've had a successful managerial role in a charity, would always enable people to take toil when they needed it as long as it could be accommodated. You also mentioned not being allowed to talk. It sounds to me like some power play on your ex managers part, sadly there are poor managers with fragile egos even in charitable roles. I have known a few.

Could you do a little more voluntary work in the sector just to get your foot back in the door? Your most recent references need to be positive or neutral, it is common only to give dates worked.

The financial stuff you may need to take to citizens advise.

I really feel for you OP, I sense the fear, hurt and frustration in your posts when you were only trying to do a good thing, and now it feels everything is against you. I don't work at the moment and have no advice except to say as a catlover myself, thank you for caring about an animal. I think I'll be the first to ask on here; how is the cat?

Reading your posts and putting the information together, I wonder if they have had a chat over the phone and given more information.

Things that stand out to me are a few weeks sick leave, in 7 months, that is a lot of time off in a short period of time (im not sure how this broke down - but lots of days separately would look especially bad).

You have had 2 instances of leaving work, you dont say if the other time was approved but the time for the cat just would not be accepted anywhere - you cant just randomly decide to leave work to chat to a vet.

You sound like you have spent an awful lot of work time focussed on this cat (getting boxes, feeding it, trying to call/email to find a rescue etc) sounds like you have not been focussed on your job.

Sounds like you have bought a lot of personal issues in work for your manager to know about your debt and your suicidal person you are living with.

If you take it as a bigger picture, it sounds like someone who isnt focussed and is very wishy washy about their job and if they have communicated this to the new job, they of course will withdraw the job offer.

I think it sounds like you need to focus on your mental health first if it has affected your job to this level. Maybe look if you can get some additional financial help while you are out of work and hopefully the medical appointments you are waiting for, come through to help your health as it does sound like you have struggled in your job perhaps more than you realise as it has impacted your job enough for you to lose it and you dont seem to notice that these things are not good in the work place. I hope you can get help and support with these things.

I also think you need to speak to the vets and ask them to find a suitable home for the cat, the worst thing you can do both for the cat and your mental health, is take on a cat you cannot afford and that cause struggles.