Not dating 25 year olds liivng at home?

[itstheocto]

I am nearly 25, would I be unreasonable to refuse to date men still living at home around my age?I have lived by myself since I was 18, surely most men by their mid 20's live elsewhere?

It's up to you of course. And to be honest it sounds more reasonable to me than women who say things like they wouldn't date a man who wasn't at least 6ft. But it does seem fairly common these days that people stay living at home to save for a house deposit etc. So for me I think it would depend on the circumstances.

Actually, thinking again, I couldn't see my wanting to hang round someone's mum's house on a date! Weird! And I guess high potential for them to be looking for someone to take care of them like their mum. Or to be wanting to slowly edge their way into your place....

Yeah - sack 'em off!

Pick whatever works for you.
However, I don't see any response to the question of how you managed to be a financially independent home owner at 18.

Probably never know, as OP won't be back.

Yeah. Good luck with that.
Personally I think any guy would be lucky to have escaped you seeing as you appear to be very snobby and judgemental.

My son is 23, he still lives at home and enjoys being here. I think he is getting itchy feet though but financially it’s better to be here whilst he finishes his apprenticeship as the money is pretty rubbish until then. He hasn’t had a girlfriend for a while, he’s dated but we live in the town he grew up in, pretty much all his friends still live at home.

I don’t know what the big deal is, he’s able to pay his way, save and will even more when his apprenticeship is done, he’s gone back a year as he moved to a mod position doing something more specific in his field so will be longer for him to finish now. I think staying at home if you can to save and not spend all your money on rent etc isn’t a bad thing. He’s not going to be here forever (younger son coveting his room) but he’s a nice lad, helps me out and looked after our dog and cats whilst I was away, if the only reason you wouldn’t date him is be used he lives at home that’s your loss I guess.

YANBU.
I guess it doesn't give the best feeling.

You’re entitled to any boundary that you want, regardless of what others think. This is your life.

Up to you really. I left home at 16, but i don't think that's a good thing necessarily.

Or the other cliche on here "I married an ambitious, driven (rich) man but now he's distant/work obsessed/we have kids but neither wants to drop hours but we also don't want to pay for childcare and it's so stressful"

I get having standards and being cautious but Jesus do people really write off masses of people just because they don't tick a box? It's a bit depressing to be honest.

It would turn me off too.

There are lots of good reasons to not date people. How about refusing to date people who need validation for perfectly normal opinions from Mumsnet?

Depends whether they’re a potential cocklodger or fully fledged adult. Both types can be living at home at 25.

They didn't say home owner, just financially independent. I assume they rent or house share.

You can date or not date whoever you choose and for whatever reason.

However, these days it's very difficult for people to get on the property ladder or even find an affordable rental and often it makes sense to remain living with parents while saving for the future. You might find that you're very much limiting the pool of people available to date by setting this rigid boundary.

On the other hand, if you own your own property or have a lot of savings you might want to find someone who is in a similar financial position to you to avoid potential cocklodging behaviour, being seen as a meal ticket etc.

My 24 year old DD is dating someone who lives with his parents. It's his house. One of his parents is disabled as a result of an accident many years ago and they have moved in with him for support. Men don't just live with their parents because they are lazy and expect their mum to continue looking after them.

I've never dated anyone who didn't live alone. I couldn't bare the thought of having to hide away in a box room or meet parents. So I didn't!

You're not a bad person for wanting what you want- it's not like you're looking down on them, it's just a preference.

I left home at 16 - but it was, comparative to salaries, cheaper to rent and easier to buy property.
You're probably reducing the available pool, and likely to find someone with less disposable income.
Presumably if someone has been away to university, they're less likely to be an aging teen?

I just don't think that tells you enough about a person. He could be well paid and saving for the deposit to buy his first house in 2025 by moving home for a few years after uni. And if you moved out at 18 have you been paying rent for six years? Are you a homeowner wanting a man to be on an equal footing, or are you wanting him to provide a level of financial security you haven't been able to achieve for yourself?

Basically it is fine to want a man who is solvent and has a life independent of his family. But you need to look a bit closer than "does he currently live at home at 25".

Definitely decreasing your options significantly by doing so...the majority are probably still living at home if not at uni! Arguably the wise thing to live at home to save for a deposit if they don't want to spunk money on rent.

Not unreasonable at all. Just like I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me not to want my sons to date someone like you.

Strange question. You can choose not date someone for any reason at all. You don’t need anyone’s permission. It does seem it’s just yet another thread to have a dig at young adults.

Young adults I know that have moved out young don’t seem to have much cash though. My son is 21 and at uni but plans to live with us again after uni so he can have plenty of money to have fun and save. My nephews, niece and friends kids that have lived at home til late twenties have saved big house deposits and done lots more in terms of having fun, travelling etc with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, than those who have had to pay more bills at a younger age.

With cost of living, people will be living with parents for longer so you may be ruling out a lot men. That’s totally up to you but I wouldn’t rule them out, I’d be be more interested in if they’re contributing to things like cooking, housework etc, being responsible with money. And obviously how they treat you, their family, friends etc.

You can exclude anyone you want from your dating pool for whatever reason you want.

Generally speaking though, I do think it depends on the circumstances and the reasons why they are still with their parents.

James who is saving for a deposit and has good career prospects and a plan is very different from Bob who is working in a NMW job, happy there with no plans of advancing and /or pissing up all his money.

ONS data revealed the most common living arrangements for under 35s or 30s can't remember which is living at home with parents so YABU

It's your decision. Since turning 18, I have never dated a man who still lived at home, but I do think that times have changed and context is everything.

For example, man who left school at 18, has a decent job, and is saving hard for a mortgage - fine. Man who has just finished a masters and is applying for post-grad jobs - also fine. Man who has recently returned form abroad and is sorting things out, sure.

I wouldn't want to date someone who lived at home out of choice, or because they were bad with money, or because they were babied by their parents.