Aibu to only want DD to participate in one showing of the school nativity??

[HulaHoopz]

DD is in Year one. School nativity is on twice in the day, once in the day and once after school. Separated from DDs dad not sure he'll even attend as he usually doesn't bother to attend school events.

DD has another performance the following week for her drama club and has to attend all rehearsals up to the show. If she participates in evening show of school nativity then she'll miss the last rehearsal before the show.

Its not unreasonable for me to say to school she can't do the later showing? I feel unreasonable and I don't know why.. its probably because if her dad did come it would always be the evening performance as he'd never take time off. We have very little communication and school won't communication anything extra outside what they already do.

I also do prioritise her after school activities as she enjoys them so much.

DD wants to attend her rehearsal and is happy only participating in one showing.

Its ok isn't it? I'm not depriving her am I??

As she’s only choir I think it’s totally reasonable that she can miss it for her other show. If she was Mary or something like that I think it would definitely be I reasonable to miss it.

Evidently in the minority here but I’ve seen so many threads lately where commenters are acting like non attendance of a primary school nativity play is tantamount to not turning up to a lead role on Broadway ffs. Nobody in real life actually gives two hoots.

These clashes are actually the reason DD's drama group is not doing a big Summer or Christmas show anymore.

Too often pupils have school related events and can't drop out. They now do it in March, the last 3 rehearsals are mandatory as they do a full costume and tech run.

I do appreciate schools trying to accomodate everyone's parents and grandparents but out of school hour events are risky.

@reluctantbrit I understand that. But if everything happens within school hours, some kids never have a relative their for them.

Echo all the other points,if a lead/significant role no. If one of 30 singing then yes probably OK but I would explain to teacher.
My daughter is big into Drama and actually attends 2 Drama schools so there can often be clashes and then school plays into the mix. A performance trumps a rehearsal. Always.

If it's out of school hours then I think it's fine.

Nobody in real life actually gives two hoots.

Including the children taking part?

'No need to bother to learn your lines or do your best or even turn up, kids. No-one gives two hoots about your play.'

(And if no-one gives two hoots, why are there multiple threads on MN each year by parents complaining that their kid isn't Mary/hasn't been given a speaking part/all the best parts to go the children of the PTA committee?)

You would be unreasonable to deprive the other parent a chance to see their child in their school play.

You would also be depriving your child of performing in the event and having that quality time with their father.

Time to get over your past issues with the father and co-parent in a way that doesn’t hurt your children.

YABU.

The children work so hard on these shows and so do the school staff. If you think the only performance that counts is the one that you see then you are missing the point.

Depends what she is if she’s a villager or a shepherd then probably fine if she’s Mary then you are being unreasonable as who would play her part.

This time of year in schools sucks jingle balls, they basically want your soul, get used to it and stop being so precious

It's poor form to miss one of the two performances. Also when I was teaching KS1 the teachers would be aware of children whose parents didn't bother to get them there for the evening performance and in year 2 when speaking parts were being allocated those children would not be given a big part as it was too risky that they would not turn up on the night and when you've spent weeks preparing for it that is the last thing you need.

I can guess...

"I wasn't going to go anyway because I am a selfish self centred cunt but now I have a reason to make that YOUR fault!!"

Nah don't tell him.

"Didnt bother"?

I worked evenings when my lot were younger and I could get them there but picking them up was impossible as I would be at work and ex would have the younger ones asleep.

Dont judge people who live a life you have no idea about. Personally I would look at the kids who cant attend the evening performances and those who can and split parts. So A is Mary in the day and B is Mary in the evening and so on. Perhaps you couldnt be bothered.

Some of these responses are so dramatic. It's a year one nativity play, not a bloody graduation ceremony.
Of course if your DD has another performance rehearsal she has to attend, it's completely valid and shouldn't be an issue. It is your child after all!

This!!! It's absolutely ridiculous.

My dd never once attended an evening performance. She had a passionate hatred for school shows. It wasn’t stage fright. She was happy to get up and give a speech. She just did not want to be in a children’s play. I couldn’t do anything about the school day, but I didn’t make her do it again in the evening.

one year she did get out of it entirely. Unimpressed with her lack of enthusiasm, the director threatened her with writing a multi-page research paper instead of performing. My daughter spent the rest of the month in the library happy as a clam writing away.

Definitely not unreasonable then, because she has another commitment. Bring a final rehearsal for another show isn't just a weekly group where missing one week doesn't matter (swimming, guides, sport training etc)

id apologise to her teacher & tell her why she can't be there.

Hope she enjoys the school nativity & her other show!

I think it’s fine to say she can’t attend the nativity out of school hours. Not everyone will be able to and it’s not compulsory considering it’s not in school time. Im sure there will still be plenty who turn up.

Not to sound awful but if she is only singing with the rest of her year then they won’t miss her.

I don't think you read the post carefully enough.

Her daughter is in another show & is required to be at a rehearsal that evening, she has a previous commitment & still wants to do that, she's fine with missing the second show.

as far as the shows go, is less important missing the second performance as a singer than it is to miss her rehearsal. I'm sure the teacher will understand.

if her Ex never goes to school stuff, then he's created thus situation himself.

I am going to go against the grain here and say no. It gives your DD the impression that she can opt in and out of school life as she chooses, can let her classmates and teachers down as she fancies and that she doesn't have to be part of their team events.

You could also argue that she is letting her drama school down by not attending the last rehearsal.

Last rehearsals are important, they are often going through the whole thing in costume, timed to see if something needs fixing. And again, and again. It's often a lot longer than a normal lesson.

Schools and clubs can't win, they often clash. But it's important to communicate with the school why a child is not attending.

I don't think attending an event after school hours as an extra is opting out. If she would have been cast as a speaking role and accepted despite knowing she couldn't attend all performances, then you could argue she is letting people down.

Well she doesn’t outside school hours and as the pp said she would be letting down a different set of equally important people

People are being ridiculous! of course she doesn’t need to do it. it’s outwith school time so no obligation. what about parents who have to schedule childcare around working and can’t change their after school plans and they also in the wrong for their child not performing?