Aibu to only want DD to participate in one showing of the school nativity??

[HulaHoopz]

DD is in Year one. School nativity is on twice in the day, once in the day and once after school. Separated from DDs dad not sure he'll even attend as he usually doesn't bother to attend school events.

DD has another performance the following week for her drama club and has to attend all rehearsals up to the show. If she participates in evening show of school nativity then she'll miss the last rehearsal before the show.

Its not unreasonable for me to say to school she can't do the later showing? I feel unreasonable and I don't know why.. its probably because if her dad did come it would always be the evening performance as he'd never take time off. We have very little communication and school won't communication anything extra outside what they already do.

I also do prioritise her after school activities as she enjoys them so much.

DD wants to attend her rehearsal and is happy only participating in one showing.

Its ok isn't it? I'm not depriving her am I??

School trumps hobby in school time - not outside school time imho.

This is exactly it. DDs drama show is a performance with costumes etc. An email was sent out to all to say kids have to attend all rehearsals up to the show. I'd never deprive DD of anything. She'll be participating in her school nativity but just the earliest showing. I can and will send her father a message to let him know she'll be participating in the earlier showing only but he is extremely argumentative and controlling and has prioritised himself over DD many times. He's asked me to remove her from performances before which took place on his weekend. He doesn't take her to any activities or does anything with her so I expect in doing so he'll demand I make her available to participate in the later showing as that's the one he can make.

Second performance is way way out of school time.

Exactly. Schools can't force kids to attend events at half seven in the evening - it's bonkers that so many parents support it, imo.

We often have children that don't come back for the evening performance at our school. As long as you tell the teachers it will be fine. She hasn't got a speaking part so it won't matter.

I reckon that’s fine then, it’s not going to make much difference having one less in the choir, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

As she’s just part of the chorus/choir, I think it’s fine. Let school know, though.

I hope she has a great time in both productions 🎄

Some strange comments on here, for no reason!

OP has said she’s in the choir not playing Mary! It will be fine for her to miss the second performance. But something to keep in mind for next year, to ensure she only has a group role incase it happens again!

Ignore the comments about your ex. There is obviously something in the air tonight x

Is there anyway your ex could cause issues? You say he's abusive and I can see this being potential ammunition for him. If her drama club is something like stagecoach, just go through her lines with her and rehearse, rehearse rehearse at home with when she comes in and how she delivers her lines.
If you don't think it will cause any issues with your ex, then absolutely pull her out of the evening performance as she's only in the chorus.

It doesn't matter. Either way, once she's reached legendary status and is a household name she'll sell you down the river as how you tried to thwart her showbiz ambitions at the start of her career, or were a pushy stage mum working her relentlessly in morning and evening shows... neither will be true but so long as it gets her column inches and a spot on Graham Norton, she won't care...

The reason schools do 2 performances is to accommodate all the parents who want to see the show. There is usually not enough space in a school hall for everyone. Supporting roles such as singing are just as important as the main parts to make a production run smoothly. Losing a few confident singers in the evening could throw all the children.
Schools often keep a note of children who don't turn up for performances and then don't give them speaking roles the following year in case they do it again. It is of course your choice but you wouldn't have posted if you weren't in doubt.

You are not being unreasonable.
I have never expected mine to go to school events that are scheduled outside of school time.

So if that's the case, they should do two performances on two different days, or one morning and one afternoon show instead.

There are so many reasons why children may not be able to come back in the evenings - other organised activities, parents who are working, lack of transport, younger siblings etc. - it's a daft system.

Drama rehearsals close to show time for a drama club are a really big deal. Our kids drama group stresses that being in the show means committing to final rehearsals as well as the actual shows. I would definitely have her just do the day time if it’s being part of the singing choir.

This is why the same kids /PTA mums' kids/teachers' kids get the important parts in school plays. Because they have parents that the class teacher can rely on to actually get their kids there on the night.

It's all very well saying 'if she's not got a speaking part it doesn't matter'. Because if 50% of the chorus and bit part kids don't turn up, it becomes a pretty crap performance.
You might think you're the only one not sending them, but that's what half the class parents think.

Tbh I think it's pretty poor and if other parents have similar attitude the school may well decide to only do one showing and may also wonder why they are bothering to organise this. The nativity is put on purely for the benefit of the parents. They could do a much more low key version if it was just for the children to learn about putting on a play or learning the Xmas story. It is for you. You literally can't be bothered to prioritise it because you are going to the other showing.

Yabvu. You're coming at this from the point of view that you're alright because you've seen her show. No sense of how it affects the rest of the class.

If she doesn't know her stuff by the last rehearsal, she doesn't know it well enough.

Then the parents who work and can't get time off, don't get to see their kids perform. And moan about that.

Schools can't win.

Have a word with her teacher, either in person, phone call or email as that may be easier for both of you. Explain the situation and as your dd is in a group to perform it won’t matter if they’re one voice short.

Performance trumps rehearsal, school trumps hobby.
I don't agree with this. I don't believe that school should always trump a hobby and nor should a performance where the child has a minor part necessarily trump a rehearsal for something.

I wouldn't e.g. insist that DD takes part in an out of hours school match and miss the last training of her hobby before a major competition.

There's nothing wrong with asking the child which they'd rather do either. The child made a commitment to her hobby so the parent should facilitate that.

The only thing I think I disagree with OP is not planning to inform her DC's dad she won't be at one of the performances. I think you need to do that. Not in an "is it ok , did you want to see her." tone but in an "DD will not be there on this date. She is rehearsing for X, performances are ...." Don't ask. Make your decision and stick to it.

I would assume the "tell your partner" recommendations comes about as a result.of "tell him she won't be in the evening one" (if you do this), not necessarily tell him about the event altogether. Schools are not social secretaries either, they're not going to run around informing separated partners of the other person's plans. In terms of the event itself he should know himself, fair enough, but turning up and finding out you've decided to withdraw her without warning him would be unfair. It does complicate the situation if there has been abuse (and would be a derail to get into)

Assuming he's not coming or comes to the day one, I do feel a little that withdrawing is letting down the class, but can understand the balance of responsibilities here. If it was a class play she had opted into, I would say she had more of an obligation to attend (chorus part or not). Entire class play has slightly more grey area.

I think in that case it will be fine.

It’s fine, the responses you’re getting from a lot of people are way over the top
it’s fairly normal for some kids not to be able to make the evening one for whatever reason

Oh, if it's a case of the whole class singing, and not her having an individual part, then I think it's fine for her not to take part in the evening show.

I would, but I would also email the ex to say she won't be there. He then has a choice to be there or not - he also can't accuse you of hiding anything from him.

Experienced single mum!