To have expected more in life from working to reach this salary?

[grethrow]

I’m early forties and earn 75k. I know this isn’t huge money but it’s well above average salaries in the uk. I worked hard to get to this point (I’m not saying people who earn less don’t work hard).

I guess along the way I always thought I would be able to have a really comfortable life on this salary. I have one ds who is 11 but his costs don’t really factor in much as his dad pays for most stuff (ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount).

I assumed going on holiday would be easy but renting a cottage in Devon in a nice area for a week is around 1,500, then there’s travel costs and food etc when you’re there! Going abroad long haul is extortionate. I guess these things are just about doable for me but it’s not easy.

I am having a privileged whinge. I know that. But I do feel sometimes like maybe at 18 I shouldn’t have bothered. My parents had a similar income (taking into account inflation) and me and my brother both went to independent schools, grew up in a large home and parents had very nice cars. It wouldn’t be possible for me to go and buy a nice car outright. I know people have it much worse but I still feel cheated and like it is a slog for very little, fair of me to feel this? Do others feel this?

I think it is worth reflecting on what you get for your mortgage.

We have a group of friends who are 10 years older than us.

When one couple bought a house in the area it cost £200,000. This is a large detached with four bedrooms. New build. They were both earning. He was a middle manager at a large company on a reasonable salary, she was part time in a decent paying job.

That house would now cost £750,000. They wouldn't have been able to have bought it. Not a chance.

£200,000 will just about get you a 1 bed flat now. 2 bed if you are lucky and the right property comes up. A very small 3 bed semi clocks in at £350,000.

To buy the same house as my friends, you'd probably need 2 very well paid high level professionals who either had built up a fair bit of equity or had some inheritence.

Our friends hadn't realised how bad mortgages costs have become and how different their lives would have been if they were ten years younger until we told them a few home truths. They knew it had changed and it was much harder now, but they hadn't realised to what extent.

The problem is acute. Prices have shot up here particularly steeply since covid and theres been a push by Hong Kong Chinese to buy in the area. Since DS started school the number of kids in the area has dropped significantly. They are closing classes in the local schools because the drop has been so steep. Its not just that people are having few kids. Its that, if you have kids you can't afford to buy a house here anymore.

This is not about outgoings or life style. Its simply about the amount the bank will lend you.

What I also do find remarkable, is how this has impacted on relative disposable income. My friendship group has a broad range of wealth in it. A couple live in council houses, are single parents and claim some benefits. One of them, after she has maintainence paid, has more disposable income than some of the couples with two decent incomes because of how much people are having to pay for houses. And while rent has gone up, its not increased at the same rate that house prices have gone up.

I don't think its easy for anyone out there. But I do take the OP's point that she thought for the training shes done and the income she's getting, there is a frustration that its changed so much in such a short period.

It IS unusual that a generation has a lower standard of living than their parents. It shows the degree to which the national economy has stalled. And the issue is still getting worse.

I feel for anyone buying or privately renting now.

They can indeed, and we do in my house. There are also loads of exemptions to the benefit cap. For example, it doesn't apply if you and your partner earn at least £793 per month and receive UC.

www.gov.uk/benefit-cap/when-youre-not-affected

Basically, it's too much of a generalisation to say that someone who isn't entitled to UC must have a lower income than someone who is. That isn't the way the system works.

Exactly.
It is much tougher for the younger generation, today.it’s a shame other posters can’t be as open as you.

You earn £75k a year but can't afford a holiday for 1.5k and spending /travel money

Seriously ???

Can you break down your income and expenses.

I earn half of what you do and I went on three holidays this year.

Actually you might be right on that one.

@grethrow I get this completely. For clarity I was brought up on a council estate, received free school meals and had great aspirations. Felt it was important to add this since other posters suggest that your
expectations are based on your privileged upbringing.. My expectations are I earn a great salary, I want a great life, own a home and not worry about bills etc. Oh, and an annual holiday ;)

I was fortunate and now earn a little less than you, but I’m also disappointed! I thought on this salary I would be loaded, really comfortable, but I’m not.

I don’t live in London, but a major northern city, single parent with two kids and no financial support from their dad. I rent too, which is really expensive at £1350 a month (under market rate and in an okay area), plus childcare fees. My kids also have their activities which I was at pains to retain since the separation.

I don’t claim child benefit as I’d have to pay the majority back, whilst my base is over £70K, I also get a bonus of around 5/10%. Just not worth the time it takes to do a self-assessment for what would amount to probably £100 a year…

My issue is debt. I am paying the debt accrued in my past relationship, if it wasn’t for that I’d be able to save to buy a house. Stupidly had it in my name for various reasons - my advice NEVER do this!!!

You didn’t mention debt in your OP, but maybe that’s a consideration?

Definitely review your outgoings, forensically, and make the necessary changes. I did this, adjusted what and where I was spending and will shortly be moving into a cheaper property (it’s a bit of a dump), but should provide wriggle room whilst I sort this out in 2025.

My DF worked in the same profession and role as my DH does now. My DM was a housewife. They bought their detached 6-bedroom house on one salary in their twenties. DH and I, mid-forties, can't afford to move from our cramped terrace in a far less salubrious area of the same city. We haven't been abroad since before our DD was born 7 years ago whereas by the time I was DD's age, my parents had taken me to every continent in the world. Both my parents have dementia now and are being forced to sell their home to fund care fees. I can't see how I'll ever be able to give my DD anywhere near the level of upbringing and security I took for granted. It's thoroughly shit.

What you can buy has changed massively. I'm older than@grethrow but to compare with my PILs:

FIL was a lecturer at an ancient university. MIL didn't do paid work. So the equivalent household would now have an income of ~£60K. They lived in an enormous Victorian 4 bed house with 3 large reception rooms now worth ~£1M and sent all 3DC to a well known private day school, the fees are now £17,426pa. They mainly holidayed in Europe but had occasional trips to the US. There is no way a 5 person family could have that lifestyle with 1 person doing the same job these days. We both earn more than FIL's modern equivalent would earn and it would be impossible for us.

The main issues are:

1. the taxation system is set up for families with 2 incomes so you need much more on paper as a single parent to have the same standard of living as a two income family
2. Housing is much more expensive vs salaries than it was in the last century
3. Private education is much more expensive vs salaries than it was in the last century
4. Nobody has final salary pensions anymore so we all have to save much more for retirement

We live in a large house in a nice area (in a deprived part of the country so cheap housing) and the DC have gone to outstanding state schools, we can save a lot and go on multiple holidays a year so we're doing very well and I feel very fortunate because I don't really have to think about how we spend our money but DH feels 'poor' because his parents worked less hard and had a much higher standard of living so he feels like a failure. His brother (living in a small flat in a posh part of north London) is the same. It's crazy how they feel and I have to keep reminding him how fortunate we are.

lol. What an idiot you are.

But this thread isn’t about benefits is it ?
it’s about those that work extra bloody hard for their money that have trained and made sacrifices to become successful in their careers.
I am not against benefits and those that receive them at all. But it’s incomparable when people work 60 hour weeks and miss out on their family so they can afford a decent standard of living. And they shouldn’t have to feel grateful for that.

Unfortunately our pension contribution are sliding scale - more you earn the greater percent comes off!
that and student loan still being paid

No, it's nothing to do with benefits, hut, as you mentioned them, please remember that plenty of people on benefits are working similar hours, taking on two or more jobs to survive.

Well you did actually….. you said no holidays….no alcohol…..everything secondhand…..I would say that was ‘feeling the pinch’

You also don't have to spend 1500 pounds for a holiday to the lake district.

Look around for deals.

I just went to Spain. I stayed in a really really nice hotel for five days. It was 400 euro for the hotel. Flights over and back were 120 euro.

Sorry, I misread that as 'shrieking" 😆😳😆 Which, perhaps, is true too...

@RedToothBrush
You said:
My friendship group has a broad range of wealth in it. A couple live in council houses, are single parents and claim some benefits. One of them, after she has maintainence paid, has more disposable income than some of the couples with two decent incomes because of how much people are having to pay for houses.

I appreciate I might be a bit old fashioned in my thinking but I'm surprised you know the personal financial details of your friends, down to how much maintenance one receives, how much all your friends pay for their homes and how much disposable income they have.

I hope the home owners keep in mind that they have a solid asset compared to those who are renting.

Thames Water is bust. Many councils are bust

Victorian sewers......nuff said.

Can’t go during school time…

The average salary in this country is around £35,000, so frankly that is mega bucks.

She doesn't have to go during school time.

I travelled to Spain during the school summer holiday period as well, and it was still cheap.

Thoughts aren't facts though are they! You were wrong, that's on you. How much do you have after tax, you are spending it somewhere. Many years ago 75k would have been a huge salary so perhaps you are still thinking in those terms?

Having said all that, you are free to feel any way you want to. But the I wouldn't have bothered I find odd, so you'd prefer to not work and be on benefits worried to put your heating on?

And two people earning £35000 will have a joint income that is greater than the OP’s. That’s the problem - the fact that she is running a household one one income.

I don't know why anyone goes on holiday in the UK. It's extremely expensive.

You can go on holiday to Spain or Portugal. Much nicer places for a holiday. And also much cheaper!

But you also have two adults to feed, clothe, transport and entertain. Your council tax is more.

The problem is not the tax or benefits system or even the cost of living, we all have to make the best of the hand that is dealt to us. It's simply a case of the OP not knowing where her money is going and probably confusing wants with needs.

She's spending £140 pw in the supermarket for herself and one DC, that's well above average. Which is fine, but needs to be acknowledged that that's where some of the 'nice things' budget is going.

She can't explain why she can't put aside a few hundred pounds a month out of her £4k pm + CM income to pay for a holiday, save for a car, have days/nights out etc despite likely having at least £1k pm that's not committed to essential living costs.

That's what the OP needs to look at, not complain that she's not benefitted from her hard work. Lots of people work hard and do essential jobs and earn half what the OP does. I'll save my sympathy for them, not someone who thinks they've earned the right to never have to think about where their money is going.