To have expected more in life from working to reach this salary?

[grethrow]

I’m early forties and earn 75k. I know this isn’t huge money but it’s well above average salaries in the uk. I worked hard to get to this point (I’m not saying people who earn less don’t work hard).

I guess along the way I always thought I would be able to have a really comfortable life on this salary. I have one ds who is 11 but his costs don’t really factor in much as his dad pays for most stuff (ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount).

I assumed going on holiday would be easy but renting a cottage in Devon in a nice area for a week is around 1,500, then there’s travel costs and food etc when you’re there! Going abroad long haul is extortionate. I guess these things are just about doable for me but it’s not easy.

I am having a privileged whinge. I know that. But I do feel sometimes like maybe at 18 I shouldn’t have bothered. My parents had a similar income (taking into account inflation) and me and my brother both went to independent schools, grew up in a large home and parents had very nice cars. It wouldn’t be possible for me to go and buy a nice car outright. I know people have it much worse but I still feel cheated and like it is a slog for very little, fair of me to feel this? Do others feel this?

It's cost of living when my DS was a baby and I had an income of about 2.9k per month (net) I was comfortable even with childcare, in London. Now your money goes nowhere. It's very frustrating on your kind of salary when you are no doubt working very hard but still have to watch your money

DH and I have a joint income of £110k and a lowish mortgage of £1300 a month and it's really really hard at the moment.
I went to the shop earlier to buy some laundry tablets, some milk and veg, ham, toilet roll and a few of other things. It came to £45. It was one small a3 sized tote bag full - that's it!
The only exceptional monthly cost we have is £700 on nursery, which will stop ina year but we're absolutely strapped. I'm self employed and haven't paid into a pension for 4 years.
I didn't think on a salary that we're on we'd be struggling for holidays etc.
And like you we are in a v privileged position. The country is hurting. Destitution is a real problem. In London one in 20 children is homelessness, living in emergency accommodation.
Whinge away; this country is in a terrible state. It should be so hard on a good salary and people on much less shouldn't be expected to live a poverty in such a wealthy nation.

Many people forget about the additional tax when it comes to salaries over 50k, I earn double my husband but my take home pay isn't double his!

We do holidays abroad as we find it cheaper but we are very good at finding deals and we don't go in the summer holidays instead we go in October when temperatures are better for us and the kids. Last minute booked in September we always get it for 2k or less for 4 of us AI.

I would say really sit down and go through spending especially the hidden things like top up shops. I found buying an extra loaf and milk and freezing saved me £120 a month as a top up shop always ended up with extras and about £20 minimum! But don't just do it once review it every 3 months and see if you can adjust things.

The first question is are you literally comparing your parents on £75K in the late 1990s with your salary of 75K now? If so that's illogical- the value of money falls over time, so 75K in (for example) is worth £182000 based on inflation alone.
In terms of what we spend our money on- well car ownership has gone up, foreign travel has gone up, home ownership has been stable. Has 'quality of life' actually declined in the last 20 years or have our expectations gone up?

I think it's more that DH and I have worked our arses off and climbed the ladder of our respective careers and got as high as we are going to get (at least without moving or not seeing our DC much), and after 20 years in our industries we are experts - but we are much less well off than our parents despite us both havingone SAHP and the other parents in a less specialized career.

I guess we should have gone into trading, or law, or something better paid...!

Regardless of whether it's a great salary nowadays or not, OP is claiming to not be able to afford a yearly holiday of £1500. To afford that she would need to save around £200 per month. If she can't do that on a take home salary of £4k+ she's doing something wrong, unless she has a massive mortgage of well over £2k per month but she hasn't mentioned anything of the like. She also says all her costs for her child are covered by her ex.

One person earning £75k is less than 2 earning it between them.

Running any household as the sole earning adult is tighter than 2 earning adults.

You must have a gambling habit otherwise it makes no sense. Last time I went on holidays I paid 800 (all included) for a week in Tenerife in a nice hotel and i make much less than you.

Along with - currently - food costs, which are now a bigger problem than energy IMO.

But the decline in living standards in the UK doesn’t just mean less holidays - it’s also meant a decline in length of life and fundamental quality of life.

it means worse health care, poorer education, worse nutrition.

I hate it when people say this. I do know what you mean, but the overwhelming majority of Londoners have a household income way below £75k and they manage.

It’s not £20k extra is it though…there’s a (not so little) thing called tax and NI.

Well if that’s the case why all the 🙄🙄🙄
£140,000 combined income (you’re getting paid these salaries because you work in London) to buy a property and live in London, what do you actually expect, it’s the same for many people living there🙄

Whilst I only earn a third of your salary personally, I understand what you are saying.

You assumed 20 years ago that a salary of £75k - which is huge to a lot of people - would get you a better standard of living now.

If it wasn't for years of austerity and the cost of living crisis, it probably would.

What you've probably not taken into account is how much worse things would be if you were on £40k per year

Our household has a joint income of £55k in the north of England, one child a cat and a dog, and we can either have savings or have a moderate social life.

Holidays are at parents or friends houses with the odd day trip , next year we are going abroad, booked it with a deposit but God knows how we will pay it off - probably a credit card.

Point is, I also though with our incomes and a small house and only one child that we would be comfortable. , savings and holiday etc - nothing outrageous but not worrying at the end of the month like we are now.

I guess that's what you mean - you just expected to have a better materialistic life than you have now.

If money is the central motivator then yeah, you should pick the highest paying jobs you can! But presumably you like your jobs?

It is so frustrating that quality of life is declining for most. It’s frustrating that our parents could afford better houses etc on one income. It doesn’t make sense that citizens are expected to have children, but it’s hard to support a family now on one wage, and childcare is extortionate. And the cost of housing and travel is criminal!

It’s possible to acknowledge all that and still make choices and budget.

The OP says maybe they shouldn’t have bothered and there’s a bit of that in your post too. But what’s the alternative? Earn even less, or do a job you hate? Not bothering wouldn’t help!

Even though your ex pays well for ds, I think it's in part because you're a single income home. You're shouldering all the mortgage, bills etc plus 100% of any holiday costs. I also imagine you're SE and your mortgage is quite high relatively? Do you also have student loans and fairly high pension contributions?

Also, did your parents really earn the equivalent of £75K back then (say, 1980s?). I just googled and £100 in 1985 is worth £379.73 today (which surprised me!).

Nail.On.The.Head!!!!

I totally get you OP - we are also incredibly lucky and privileged to have a comfortable middle class existence. But the income required for that is (what I consider to be) HUGE. I would've thought our household income would mean we'd be using £50 notes to light cigars, flying first class and have a swimming pool in our mansion. Actually it means we have a 4 bed, 1 bath house and are able to go on holiday (economy flights or UK) This is privileged, yes, and is how I grew up. But in order to have the same standard of living as my childhood we need jobs/incomes far higher than my parents' equivalent. I don't think you are asking the earth but I do think it is a bit of a shock how high salaries need to be to fund what I consider a normal middle class lifestyle. I think we all have to reevaluate what we get for our money in this country.

Test

I think I am an anomaly on MN in that I live better than my parents did. Way better.

I think we cannot always compare our parents experience with our own because as Children we would not have know their detailed financial information. Some things have got more expensive relatively and some things cheaper. Housing is clearly much more expensive now, but we had one TV , one holiday a year and relatively few clothes compared to today.

I’ve just done a quick calculation, could someone check my reasoning.

4.5k per month take home for OP
Closer to 6k per month if you had two people/parents in the household earning the same as OP together. That’s a big difference.

Good for you I guess. You should give lessons in frugality to us higher earners!

I live much better than my parents did. We were really poor and paying for food was a struggle. And there were no foodbanks to help out.

Mine and my wife's combined wage is less than this (about £62k between us) and we managed a holiday. I save around £500 a month out of a £2k salary, and my wife saves £100ish as well.

I'm lost as to what you're spending 4k a month on. Unless you multiple children in nursery, you should have plenty spare and certainly enough for a holiday.

You should have a good quality of life on that wage, and should be able to afford a holiday or 2 a year.