To have expected more in life from working to reach this salary?

[grethrow]

I’m early forties and earn 75k. I know this isn’t huge money but it’s well above average salaries in the uk. I worked hard to get to this point (I’m not saying people who earn less don’t work hard).

I guess along the way I always thought I would be able to have a really comfortable life on this salary. I have one ds who is 11 but his costs don’t really factor in much as his dad pays for most stuff (ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount).

I assumed going on holiday would be easy but renting a cottage in Devon in a nice area for a week is around 1,500, then there’s travel costs and food etc when you’re there! Going abroad long haul is extortionate. I guess these things are just about doable for me but it’s not easy.

I am having a privileged whinge. I know that. But I do feel sometimes like maybe at 18 I shouldn’t have bothered. My parents had a similar income (taking into account inflation) and me and my brother both went to independent schools, grew up in a large home and parents had very nice cars. It wouldn’t be possible for me to go and buy a nice car outright. I know people have it much worse but I still feel cheated and like it is a slog for very little, fair of me to feel this? Do others feel this?

Ah yes, fair point and when you tip over into the high tax bracket that impacts your take home (but that has always been the case).

£4.5k pm plus CM and some CB. Plus only one adult to feed, clothe, transport and entertain etc and single adult discount on council tax would close that gap quite a bit.

Plus I suspect that the OPs parents earned more than she thinks based on her idea of a comfortable lifestyle, ie independent school for DC, a large home and a very nice car.

They probably spent a lot less than she does on things that didn't really exist or were much less commonly done 30 years ago like food and drink out of the house (most people literally only did this a few times a year now some people are doing it daily and spending £100+ pm per adult), mobiles, subscriptions, beauty treatments etc etc.

But in any case, it's likely that the OP could afford a holiday if she prioritised one from her budget and she's also in a much better position than she would be if she'd 'just not bothered'.

Yup. Its very depressing. That and wages have stagnated in the UK over the last 20 years. Its a grim state of affairs,

According to Citizen's Advice it's fuel costs which are causing the most hardship atm.

If you and your wife earn roughly equal amounts, you could well be taking home about £400/month more than OP.

What?!?

I agree - and am in a very similar boat.

LOL at the convo at the private school gates, or while boarding a flight for the 6 grand holiday - "It's so hard, we have to watch every penny".

Watching every penny is walking further up the road to buy the milk that is 2p cheaper.

I really realised how hard we'd find our lifestyle if we'd stayed living in a poky 2 bedroom flat in Bucks, rather than moved to Norfolk a decade ago. Said flat was sold for £215k.and we bought a 4 bedroom detached new build house for the same price. There would have been no way on earth we'd ever a) had two more children, or b) ever lived in a bigger property than a flat if we'd stayed in Bucks.

I know the cost of properties is insane in the South East, with a house equivalent to ours here worth around £800k upwards there, so if we'd have stayed there, we'd never moved up. Our house is certainly not anywhere near this value but we did the right thing and moved when we did. Even now, we struggle but I look at what we have, and always try to br grateful.

Life can be hard, but it's always worth looking at how much harder it really could be, as clichéd and irritating as that sounds.

Yup. We saved up and put solar in for our electrics which has really paid off. Now we are saving for an air source heat pump. We don't have the heat on at night/evening, and have a woodstove. I suppose we now could have the heating on at night etc, but we fell into this habit, and a cooler bedroom for us equals better sleep.

I really feel though for people who are cold in their own house. It is like Dickens.

I went to Tenerife at the start of the month. £35 quid flights at an awkward hour from an awkward airport.

Hired a camper and slept in the back of it for 32 quid a day.

Drive all over the island and up into the mountains.

Showered at those showers they have on the beach,

It was a wonderful and memorable holiday, and I enjoyed it more than holidays I've had at pricey hotels / AirBnBs.

Life's what you make it.

I hear you, OP. Just paying for the basics has become really, really expensive. We live in a cheap part of the country, husband is a high earner, we don't smoke or drink, haven't had so much as a weekend away in years and buy everything second hand. I am not complaining because we enjoy our lives and make our decisions through choice, not necessity but it just feels like the bill for our simpler life should be an awful lot cheaper!

Yes...we live in unfashionable Lincolnshire, and we have a detached 4 bed on almost an acre. We could never afford this down south. I'm quite grateful for Zoom, etc, because it has cut way down on my travel to London with its associated expenses.

Absolutely. My adult children complain that they could never afford a house like ours. Well quite, nor could I when I was 25 either. I rented a grotty flat furnished with donated, ancient second-hand furniture. I bought my first house (an ex-council house) in my late 20s. They’ve bought their own houses by 25 so they’re a step ahead of where I was at that age. Life is undoubtedly more expensive now, but I think many people look at their comfortable parents in their 60s+ and assume that they’ve always had that standard of living.

Not sure what you are doing with your money? 🤔…..because my DD earns less and has a lovely life…..house, car….abroad twice a year and U.K. breaks ( airbnbs) and 2 DD who have everything

This has to be some crazed wind up surely?

DH and I have a joint income of £110k and a lowish mortgage of £1300 a month and it's really really hard at the moment

Oh dear.

I understand that someone on a much higher wage than average may have to be careful with money. But this is because the choices they are making. Buying a big house so an expensive mortgage payment, private school fees, decent cars, house maintenance and renovations, expensive afterschool activities for the children. It can soon add up so that the money left over to spend going out may be quite a small pot. But people need to understand they are making choices.

£140 a week for two people 😲

That is a fair point. I lived in some rented places that could be featured in a scandal programme about terrible housing

What you mean by higher earner? Do you have a large mortgage, childcare costs, debts?

It doesn't sound like the op does burn through money though and that's not the point of the post anyway. The point is, the ops salary shouldn't be in the top % of the UK. The fact others have it worse is obviously going to be the case, but that doesn't make this any better for anyone.

Of course. I chose to get a loft ladder fitted last month. That came from my disposable income, which meant I had to say no to some of the things DS asked for. No one's going w/o, but if I choose to spend my money then I no longer have than money. I can't then moan about it well I did a bit cos a loft ladder is a bit dull tbh

I think it very much depends on where you live. 75k in central London might not be as comfortable as we think.

I think I am an anomaly on MN in that I live better than my parents did. Way better.

I do too, even as a single parent. My parents both worked but we were on the poverty line for most of my childhood. It wasn’t until the kids all grew up and left home that their standard of living improved and things like foreign holidays became a possibility.

I laugh at the “I’m on £110k and really struggling” brigade - my salary (much less than that) puts me in the top 10% of earners and after housing costs I’m in the top 65% for disposable income. If I spent that on a top marque car, extensive home renovations and private school fees I have no doubt I’d feel the pinch, but it wouldn’t change the fact that by any measure I’m well off. If I had two children in nursery, again I’d feel the pinch, but again I’d have made a choice on how to spend my money, by having children close in age.

There’s a point at which your choices influence your disposable income regardless of how much you earn, it doesn’t mean you don’t earn very well to begin with.