To call myself 'Mrs' even though I'm unmarried?

[DottyBaguette]

In the past I've used Miss/Ms. My preference is Ms, I think Miss sounds very young.

I've never been married. Two teenagers. Live with them in my own house, everything paid for by me as I've always worked and never had a man to depend on, I can't imagine ever risking my financial independence.

I've noticed that post 40, I'm almost always assumed to be 'Mrs'. School teachers, tradespeople, even the bank, refer to me as 'Mrs'. I used to correct it but now I can't be bothered. Why should men not be defined by their relationship status but women are?

So aibu just to let the assumptions continue and even start ticking 'Mrs' on forms, so I don't have to correct people who obviously think most women over 40 are 'Mrs'?

I tried to correct the bank, who seemed to think I'd need to post all sorts to get 'Mrs' changed to 'Ms'. So I left it, that was several years ago, so obviously the bank thinks I'm happily married...

Nope the second she takes it it becomes hers... a person can change their name via deed poll without even knowing the person.

Example: I could choose to become Kat Pitt via deedpol, doesn't mean I'm married to Brad Pitt or even know him or that its forever his name that I'm borrowing/stealing. The second its changed it becomes MY name and no longer belongs to anyone other than me and I would not have to justify that.

Just like with baby names, surnames aren't magically owned by any one person/family. Anyone can share any name and its nobody else's business what someone elses name is.

Mrs was historically an honorific - housekeepers, for example, were always Mrs but frequently unmarried.

OP, pick whatever you like as your title. I’ve been Ms for 40 years now but still sometimes get Mrs. It annoyed me when I was younger but I give less of a shit now.

I’d like to go all 17th century - Goody JustinThyme will do nicely 😂

I switched to Ms after being accidentally titled Mx. It was so refreshing to not be down as a child Miss for the first time in my life. No one uses Master, so boys get to be adult Mr from birth. Girls and women who aren't owned by a man are shafted with Miss.

Thr best title I have ever seen on a list is wing commander, but pretty sure you are supposed to earn that through military service, so I can't claim that one.

I'm married and always use Ms and correct anyone that gets it wrong. I hate the presumption that women change their title just because they're married. I voted YABU just because the more of this that do this the greater chance we have of rebutting the 'mrs' presumption that seems so prevalent.

I like Vice-Admiral or Very Reverend, but they are not always available options.

I get that. I'm not saying it doesn't 'become hers' - just why would you want to keep it if you've been through an acrimonious divorce but I understand what you are saying.

Interestingly that very question is the subject of another recent thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5199984-should-i-change-my-name-back-to-unmarried

Call yourself what you like.

I enjoy questioning assumptions by saying ‘actually it’s Miss’

I do this too. I'm married but have always been Ms and have never changed my surname.

I'm mid 40s, married/divorced (briefly) and always been Miss and never changed my name. I've always corrected people, not to be pedantic but because I am Miss. I like being Miss. But I agree, there should just be one generic title for adult women.

I married in the early 70s and became Mrs TooShort. When we divorced I wanted to keep the TooShort (to be the same as the children) but it felt wrong to alter the title as I'd never been a Ms TS so it would have been a name I was uncomfortable with. Repartnered 20 yrs ago, no wish to get married and I'm still Mrs TS but he's never been bothered. Call yourselves what you like and people will become familiar with it.

I've been divorced for 12 years and never bothered to update bank accounts etc so I still go by Mrs his name as I CBA to produce my divorce certificate as proof
I kept married name originally as my DC's wanted us all to have the same name
If there is a choice I now choose Ms but at almost 60, I don't sweat the small stuff

When I did German classes at school, the teacher told us that the wife of a doctor would be referred to as 'Frau Doktor' even if she wasn't a doctor herself. She took her status entirely from her husband. This was nearly 4 decades ago, and teenaged us cringed even then!

I think - hope - the practice has been abandoned in contemporary Germany. Frau Doktor is now a doctor in her own right.

Yes, that doesn't happen any more in Germany. (My dh and I both have doctorates. I got mine first and we'd joke sometimes about him being 'Herr Dr'). Perhaps in Austria still, where they take title-consciousness to a whole other level. If you have the equivalent of a Master's you have that in your title.

A lot of Germans I come across assume 'Mrs' is the equivalent of 'Frau', i.e. used for all adult women (in fact bank statements for my 9yo dd come addressed to Frau MiniShrinks).

When I lived in Germany my friend’s cleaning lady referred to her as Frau Doktor by virtue of her husband’s status - was very odd.

Thing is, the custom of the woman taking the man's surname on marriage arose out of a society that didn't need a norm for what happened on divorce. It made sense as a reflection of the (fucking awful) social rules at the time. Those no longer exist, but some people still chose to keep the naming tradition.

So whatever you a woman who changed her name does in that situation, she's having to try and graft a rule that was created by a long gone social norm onto a completely different one in the 21st century. To that end, I don't see that either choice makes more sense than the other.

@IcedPurple dd was born in Austria and I am names as magistra xxx on her birth certificate!

I'm sure I asked a legal person when I was getting divorced what I should call myself now. If my memory serves me correct I could call myself Mrs Married Name but if I went back to my maiden name then I should refer to myself as Ms Maiden Name.

As it is loads of my documents/accounts are still in Mrs Married Name. However if I get asked if I am Miss, Ms or Mrs I say will I'm divorced so I think it has to be 'Ms'. Nobody has ever corrected me on this so if asked I use Ms Married surname.

Nobody seems to care though quite frankly. I could never be bothered to change back to my maiden name on everything due to the extra work.

there is no legal position so whatever this “legal person” told you is absolute bollocks.

I asked them advice during my divorce and this is what they said. So perhaps it was a recommendation rather than a legal position.

Happens occasionally with new contracts etc - I always correct it back to Ms - but something like a bank account you'd need to sign before opening - if you opened it as Mrs...

Misogyny on every corner.

I had a boss (I work in HR) that was horrified I hadn’t changed my name and was talking about illegal activity leading to disciplinary action. 🤦🏻‍♀️. I schooled them pretty quickly.

Fucking hell! When was that?

I get called Miss, Ms and Mrs. I tick Ms or Mrs on forms rather randomly. At my bank I’m Miss because I can’t be bothered to change it. I never correct anyone because I feel like this is a slightly annoying issue created by society and not by me.

You would be misrepresenting yourself.