I can't go dutch

[Whatinthedoopla]

I am currently low on funds, and will be going out to a distant cousin's birthday, but didn't realise the meal is costing £80! And this is without drinks!
I accepted the invitation before knowing the price.

I assume people will be drinking alcohol etc, I am literally going to order 1 soft drink and that's it!

How do I politely decline going Dutch? These are family members I don't see often

Yes it does.

I agree, I don't think understand why I have to miss out just because I might have to go dutch. I know it's embarrassing for everyone to talk about how much each person owes at the end of the bill, that's why going right after dessert might be the way forward, a quick getaway lol

going Dutch has always meant an equal division of the bill between participants

No it didn't.

No it doesn't and never has. I've gone Dutch with my friends the past 20 years and its always meant paying only for what you ordered. plus Google agrees 👀

Again, no it doesn't

go Dutch Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

I agree, I don't think understand why I have to miss out just because I might have to go dutch

I think that if there's something about an event that one person feels they don't want to/can't participate in, then it's perfectly reasonable to expect that person to miss out, rather than expecting the host to change the arrangements or make an exception just for them.

If your cousin hasn't indicated how the bill will be paid, just ask her in advance whether you'll be OK just to pay for what you order because you're currently skint. She'll probably tell you it's fine. If she doesn't, then explain that you won't be able to attend but that you hope she has a lovely time.

If she has already made it clear that the plan is to split the bill evenly, then don't go if you don't feel you can manage that.

I’ve only ever seen going Dutch in the context of two people going halves. In a larger group it’s just splitting the bill, or people paying for themselves.

I agree with you. I barely drink and it annoys me when I have to pay for other people's alcohol. I'm firmly in the pay for yourself and a decent tip camp.

I feel for you as no way could I afford the £80 and I think it's presumptuous to assume everyone can
As you like your cousin and want to go then I would be upfront when you get there and saying you will rather pay for your own and ask the server if you can have your own bill.
Don't feel awkward about it and enjoy your meal

I wouldn't go. Just politely decline.

You either don’t go or you request a separate bill.

Not according to several online searches including Wikipedia
“"Going Dutch" is a term that indicates that each person participating in a paid activity covers their own expenses”

I have always used it that way. Splitting the bill is used for sharing equally

Just say you can't make it. Don't put yourself in financial difficulty for a cousins birthday.

This made me laugh. It also reminded me of the time my eldest was off school, when I went to pick up his sibling the teacher asked how he was. At which point he loudly declared ‘I had diarrhoea!’ with a big smile and great pride….

To answer the op, I’d not go. It’s not fair on you, it will cause money and other stresses, and whilst I’m sure no one will actually be so rude to judge it’s still a social situation most would try and avoid. Definitely diarrhoea, try not to smile when announcing it 🤣.

Where did the £80 come from?

No it doesn't and never has. I've gone Dutch with my friends the past 20 years and its always meant paying only for what you ordered. plus Google agrees 👀

Where oh where is Susie Dent when you need her?

@susiedent are you on Mumsnet??

Who is Susie dent?

The lady off countdown with the big dictionary

You can go, but say "I'm excited to celebrate your birthday but I will only be able to pop in for a drink"
Just arrive at the party after the meal have a drink, pay at the bar
And Jo one will say anything

Going Dutch is the opposite of splitting the bill equally 🤔. I think you mean you DO want to go Dutch.

Just buy a drink at the bar and don't join in with the food element if you're worried. Take cash with you rather than a Credit Card so you can't feel pressured.

The op is an invitee

You are correct that going Dutch is splitting the bill equally - Oxford dictionary trumps Wikipedia for accuracy 😁
take enough cash for your
meal and drink and aim to leave promptly.

The lexicographer lady on Countdown who used to work for the OUP.

Have you read the Oxford English Dictionary??

No it's not.

It's paying your own portion