I can't go dutch

[Whatinthedoopla]

I am currently low on funds, and will be going out to a distant cousin's birthday, but didn't realise the meal is costing £80! And this is without drinks!
I accepted the invitation before knowing the price.

I assume people will be drinking alcohol etc, I am literally going to order 1 soft drink and that's it!

How do I politely decline going Dutch? These are family members I don't see often

I think this is a great idea! Thank you!

Sorry everyone for the confusion in my post, what I meant by going Dutch is that the bill is split evenly (with drinks included). I don't mind paying my own meal and drinks, but if people start ordering alcohol, this I can't afford.

She is a distant cousin, but one we dearly love and don't get to see often.

I like the idea of taking cash then leaving a bit earlier, I can definitely make an excuse for this.

I want to go to the meal, but just hate also paying for others having alcohol when I'm not. Even when I did have money I hated doing this.

Google it. You are incorrect.

Google it.

Just check that they accept cash! Increasingly restaurants don't .

You don't go if you cannot afford to pay for it.

Well if you can’t afford to go Dutch and pay for your own food and drink, then you can’t go at all and should let them know you can’t attend asap.
It sounds as if the terms of this ‘invitation’ weren’t communicated properly to you from the outset, in which case, you have been put in a difficult position.
Just message to say you are sorry to no longer be able to attend the birthday dinner but wish them all a lovely evening and will arrange to see them when you can.

I think if everyone else’s expectation is to simply split the bill, you leaving cash (if that’s allowed) will potentially cause some ill feeling. Personally I agree with others that you should cancel and suggest to your distant cousin you take her for dinner (cheaper!) At a later date. Be honest and and say you can’t afford it !

That’s not the definition. Splitting the bill is equally, going Dutch is paying for your own order

i wouldn’t go - I have a wealthy (ish) sister who always wants to meet for lunches out and expects everyone to just pay an equal share of the bill while her DH tucks into endless starters, puddings etc and we don’t - needless to say he never chooses cheaper options for food or for the meeting place - I’ve decided it is easier not to go to spare the fuss although obviously would be happy just to pay for what we’ve eaten/drunk …

A distant cousin is a funny way to describe someone you love dearly. These seem two opposites - in the first post it sounds like you hardly know her and the whole thing is a bind, then in the second it sounds quite different.

I like this idea too oP.

She can always give it to one of the guests if leaving early.

But why can't the OP go, order within her budget and pay for what she had?

Why should she miss out if because she can't afford to or doesn't want to pay for others to have more food and drink than she's having? She pays for what she's having and they pay for what they're having, surely?

Someone who would expect me to pay half when he takes me out on a date? I'd have to dump, sorry 🤭🤭

That's the going rate for dinner somewhere half decent these days. As it's a birthday meal, I'm sure the person whose birthday it is doesn't want to have it in a Wetherspoons or whatever. OP is free to decline the invitation.

Why?
Why wouldn't you pay for what you consume?
It's not the 1950s.

Forcing them to put more on their card?

No going Dutch has always meant an equal division of the bill between participants.

That is simply not true.

It's never meant that.

It means paying for your own expenses

But does that matter if they have the cash in pocket?

I’m not trying to be argumentative with you; it’s a genuine question. The way DH and I operate finances it would make no difference.

If its close family going as well .could one of them sub you to payday? Or do what my friend used do .go for the starter and miss the main! £80 seems dear!

Thank goodness it isn't but if someone wants to woo me, they need to pay for dinner 😅

Why though?

Yrs, it matters, especially if you don't normally use much cash.