12 years of the same 'joke' and I have the rage! AIBU

[Hotflushesandchilblains]

I have worked in the same place for 12 years, with mostly women and a few men. One of those, A, is giving me the rage big time and I cant figure out why I am so annoyed by this stupid so-called 'joke'. Most people live in the county we cover, but I live in the next one over. Since I have met him, A regularly makes the same joke about me not having electricity, running water, etc etc - you get the picture, that we are backward where I live. Just recently its making me want to punch him. I have told him its not amusing any more (not that it ever was). He is a bit of a 'character' anyway - very attention seeking and the kind who wants to be cracking jokes all the time. I think I am generally annoyed with him lately because there is a big project going on at work which I have done much of the set up for, and which he is trying to muscle in on. But I seem to be able to keep my feelings under wraps until he trots out this stupid joke. Is it as obnoxious as it feels?

If he's saying things like that then it's racist. In the country where I live if people started saying 'you have no water, you live in shacks, you're all uneducated and poor etc' about a person from any other country then it's classed as racial abuse and illegal.

If you haven't already told him in writing, do it. If he persists, escalate it. It's bullying if you've made it clear you don't accept it as "banter" .

If you haven't already told him in writing, do it. If he persists, escalate it. It's bullying if you've made it clear you don't accept it as "banter" .

Yes, it definitely smacks of snobbery, but it is counties in England, not countries. Same idea though, I think.

This

Is it wales? I’d sharply say “you do realise that’s racist don’t you” and report him

Wales isn't a county what are you on about

I would suggest putting it in writing as well.
I had a colleague who actively berated me weekly through "football banter" which escalated into not having electricity, water, being inbred etc. It was very depressing.

It's annoying and rude but come on, it's not racist (is it Yorkshire/Lancashire)?

But yes it is obnoxious.

Not Yorkshire/Lancashire, but similar - all in England. Thanks, I always thought it was obnoxious but it is really annoying me lately and I have just about had it with it.

That is really awful! What gets into people when they do something like this.....

Just tell him!

“Colin, this bs wasn’t funny when you first cracked this joke (add bunny ears for effect), 12 years on? Still not funny, boring.”

<out loud> ‘Colin, I’d like you to stop making that comment as I don’t find it funny. I’m going to put this in writing to you and cc my line manager as I expect you to draw a line under this but would like recourse to the organisation’s bullying policy in case you don’t respond to my request.”

<silently> “you utter tosspot”

’that old chestnut’

’change the record’

or a Paddington stare.

It is incredibly obnoxious. I'd be obnoxious back (I'm really good at it), but that's not the proper way to deal with it.

So I guess give him a form of last warning "Jim, I don't find your comments funny , you need to stop" type and then if it happens again, involve your manager.

@Hotflushesandchilblains yeah. I'm Irish so we get 'Irish jokes', my mate from Wales gets accused of fornicating with sheep. My friend from Norfolk is accused of incest. For some reason it seems less awful but it isn't really.

If it’s cornwall you can tell him you’re a protected minority and he’s heading towards a court case…

Yea you don't need to put up with this in the workplace, or come up with witty retorts, or stare (? As if that would put him off). Tell him once in writing, tell him that you feel bullied ( if you have a workplace policy, use that wording) and keep the evidence. If he's still a twat, escalate it. If you start tit for that, you'll be blamed for being just as bad.

I think the actual joke is beside the point. If it was said between friends, or even friendly colleagues, it would be completely fine - just a standing silly joke, that's almost funnier for not actually being funny and being "that old chestnut', and would probably be met with reciprocal teasing about his naff "dad jokes".

The point is what you say in your final paragraph - that you're frustrated with him not pulling his weight as a colleague, and "muscling in". And that you've clearly never enjoyed the joke or had a friendly relationship anyway. Therefore, his joke comes across as disrespectful and potentially undermining you. It's the context that matters. If you want to talk to your manager/HR, focus on the working relationship as a whole - don't focus on the actual joke else it will become "can you believe she went to HR to complain about my harmless Norfolk joke, jeez, I was obviously joking, I joke with everyone, don't I Carol?".

Next time he says it, laugh uncontrollably, for far too long, for as long as you can. Then cease it and apologise with ''I'm sorry but you are just so damn funny with that brilliant joke Colin''.

He won't do it again.

I'd just say "God, you’re boring" every single time.

Sorry to hear you live in Derbyshire op

Is it Cornwall? Lol

I get this a lot and I find it funny.

Honestly it sounds like he’s the type to want to make you annoyed and I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
So I personally would just laugh along.

If you can’t face doing that, then perhaps look confused and like he’s stupid and say that it’s had electricity for years and it was one of the first counties to do so you don’t know what he’s talking about.

Tell him it is harassment or bullying, in writing, copied to your manager. As for racism or discrimination, depending on where you live, it could be construed as such.

Just because others might laugh, makes no difference. It's how you feel. To be honest the same joke for 12 years regardless of what it was I'd be fed up with at the very least.