12 years of the same 'joke' and I have the rage! AIBU

[Hotflushesandchilblains]

I have worked in the same place for 12 years, with mostly women and a few men. One of those, A, is giving me the rage big time and I cant figure out why I am so annoyed by this stupid so-called 'joke'. Most people live in the county we cover, but I live in the next one over. Since I have met him, A regularly makes the same joke about me not having electricity, running water, etc etc - you get the picture, that we are backward where I live. Just recently its making me want to punch him. I have told him its not amusing any more (not that it ever was). He is a bit of a 'character' anyway - very attention seeking and the kind who wants to be cracking jokes all the time. I think I am generally annoyed with him lately because there is a big project going on at work which I have done much of the set up for, and which he is trying to muscle in on. But I seem to be able to keep my feelings under wraps until he trots out this stupid joke. Is it as obnoxious as it feels?

I do think he would do it more if I told him I was annoyed by it. Or find something else to pick at. I love the idea of unhinged laughing and calling him brilliant - I think he would pee his pants. Not Cornwall or Derbyshire, but good guesses!

She didn’t say country, she said county.

What is really funny about it is that we live in very similar towns, except mine was on a list of best places to live in the UK.......

I get this but think it makes the person cracking the ‘joke’ look quite dim.
FWIW I’m in Cornwall, we are obviously all backwards. A man who I know professionally thinks it’s hilarious to ask if we have a big Tesco/ if ET has come to cinemas yet/ if we speak English.

I usually smile and ignore. I’m not Cornish but can’t be bothered to tell him and I love where I live.

Racist? Like how? I live in Essex, if I made silly comments about people living in Suffolk how exactly is it racist?

The knob’ll love it if you take it to the boss. Yawn broadly and tell him “Ah, not your problem sunshine. I could move, but you’d have to do a lot than that to get yourself a decent sense of humour . Or something similar

. . . or maybe even counteract his hilarious jokes with something embarrassingly personal each time, like, 'well at least we have shampoo Colin, doesn't look like you do in your neck of the woods hahahahhaaaaa', or 'well at least we have a sense of humour Colin, your seems to have disappeared up your own arse hahahahhaaaa'

Is it the Forest of Dean

@Gogogo12345 ok so Suffolk are all in bred farmers, Essex girls are all slappers. These nasty tropes aren't funny really are they.

County

@Hotflushesandchilblains

How fucking rude of him. All you can do is tell him to stop as it's pissing you off. If he persists it could be construed as bullying.

I had a penpal once from a city in Europe, and she spoke to me like I was a fucking caveman. Shocked that we have central heating (it was 1999!) and that we had a modern looking car that was ONLY 3 years old. FFS! Also stunned when she saw a photograph of my workplace/office block. Built 1995 and super modern at the time. I said 'what were you expecting - a mud hut with a coal fire! LOL!'

She also looked down her nose at my DH's job. He worked in a factory at the time. Like 'oh is he ever going to get a better job do you think?' I was like 'He has a good job thanks.' He was earning more than me in lower management, and probably more than her!

Constant little jabs and barbed comments over about a year (about what I wore, my car, my house, DH's job, my cute village in the Shires, our 'medieval way of living,' how backward the English are etc...) was the reason I just ghosted her. Stopped writing. She kept writing, and ringing me. Even at work! I kept telling the receptionist to tell her I'd left. After about 4 months she gave up.

Could you try "it wasn't funny the first you said it years ago and it still isn't now"

or

"I really do wonder what your sense of superiority is built on. Enlighten me?"

Same in Norfolk, "I can't read, I can't write, but I can drive a tractor".

Ooh so for Christmas, you're framing your town's entry on list for him, right? Get him loads of town and county related souvenirs that he'll definitely really love ;)

I’d say, “it’s so rude and narrow minded to keep saying this. I really hoped you’d grow up.” Some people need telling and after 12 fucking years, it’s time.

Lincolnshire?

Why have you put up with his nonsense for 12 years? Either way Id face him and tell him that you've had enough, it isnt funny, it never was and if he wont shut up about it you will report him.
Id be totally firm and no nonsense and then immediately move on - offer to make a coffee/how was that film you saw last night etc. And 100% do report him if he does continue "the joke"

Ask him why hes always acting like such a dickhead to you? Is it bad flirting? Is he mistaking work colleagues for mates? Id speak to manager

Steve, is this you?

Wow Colin, same joke again I see. It’s getting old. And offensive. Move on.

I had this when I worked in Oxford and lived near Swindon. My god it got old fast. Oddly, I only ever heard Oxford people make comments about Swindon, not the other way round

I agree this is likely to be construed as bullying. Have a look at your employer's Disciplinary & Grievance policy and procedures - they may well have an anti-bullying statement.

As far as possible make notes of any recent occasions when he has done this - dates, locations, witnesses, any verbatim quotes. And continue to do so if it happens again.

BTW if he is trying to 'muscle in on' your project that may well be regarded as bullying too depending on the circumstances.

You are absolutely fine to progress a complaint right now with your manager & HR if you want to. It is entirely up to you if you choose to give this colleague one more chance by telling him to stop it, that it causes you distress and is unacceptable. If so, you can communicate this by email if you feel able to; alternatively you can tell him verbally (again make a note that you have done this and then).

But either way, don't suffer in silence any more. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable and undermined in the workplace.

Stay calm, look him in the eyes and just say to him, slowly, "It was funny ... the first time".

I'm afraid nothing you say now can cover your embarrassment over confusing "county" for "country".

Stop digging a hole.

(Incidentally you mean "in-bred" in relation to Suffolk...)

Say this to him! If that doesn't stop him, as suggested above put it in writing, then next time...escalate to line manager.