12 years of the same 'joke' and I have the rage! AIBU

[Hotflushesandchilblains]

I have worked in the same place for 12 years, with mostly women and a few men. One of those, A, is giving me the rage big time and I cant figure out why I am so annoyed by this stupid so-called 'joke'. Most people live in the county we cover, but I live in the next one over. Since I have met him, A regularly makes the same joke about me not having electricity, running water, etc etc - you get the picture, that we are backward where I live. Just recently its making me want to punch him. I have told him its not amusing any more (not that it ever was). He is a bit of a 'character' anyway - very attention seeking and the kind who wants to be cracking jokes all the time. I think I am generally annoyed with him lately because there is a big project going on at work which I have done much of the set up for, and which he is trying to muscle in on. But I seem to be able to keep my feelings under wraps until he trots out this stupid joke. Is it as obnoxious as it feels?

If there's other people in earshot, I'd just say, very clearly and loudly.. "sorry, what did you say, I didn't hear that?"
And let him repeat himself... He'll feel so stupid when he's saying it again... Just look at him blankly.

Just tell him it's a stupid thing to say and it was a stupid thing to say the first time he said it and he ought to have learnt that in 12 years.

And tell him that if he says it again there will be consequences. You've given him his final warning on the subject.

And make sure you tell him loudly, within earshot of colleagues.

If its unwanted, it is not banter, it is bullying. Go to HR. He has been given plenty of warning from you.

County, not country

I'm from the North West - I moved to the south for uni when I was 18 (now 44). EVERY job I've ever had (except the one I'm in now admittedly), there has been at least one person making jokes about thieving scousers.

It's really not funny and it puts you in the lose-lose situation of either having to pretend it's mildly amusing or 'not having a sense of humour'.

Fortunately I think the gags that started this one off are old, and most younger people don't make these comments.

Cold, hard stare: "Dave, I've been listening to the same bullshit for more than a decade now, and it's fucking tiresome."
Then totally stonewall anything else on the same lines.

I can move but you'll always be a cock?

"yeah yeah whatever"

Or, nod and dismissive smile, in the most patronising way you can deliver

Or, openly keep a tally. Tell him you and other colleagues have a sweepstake on how many times he'll repeat the joke this year

Or, pretend to take him seriously and keep the conversation going eg -
"Dave, I have to ask, do you really think that we have no electricity where I live?"
No
"So, I wonder why you say that?"
I think it's funny
"But how is it funny. What's funny about that?"
It just is
"But how. What's funny about it? I don't understand"
You can't take a joke
"Oh I can. I just don't think this is funny. You know I don't live in a backwater. So do I. I'm asking you nicely to stop telling lies about where I live"

Or, take notes when he says this. When he asks why, tell him you're thinking of reporting to HR and need a record of what he said and when

This is good.
I've also found 'get fucked' is very effective for dealing with this sort of thing.

I get called a woollyback from some Scousers when they find out where I went to school. It's just banter really, but if the same people were bringing it up all the time I would get quite boring. I'd probably just say "yeah, you may have mentioned it a few times. 🙄" or "Ooh, I haven't heard that one before" in a really sarcastic way.

The daft thing is I was born in Liverpool and have lived here for the past 20 years so it is just silly. I guess it's just a way that some people have of making small talk though, when they can't think of anything else to say.

I would send him a birthday card for the 12 year old joke then everything he starts sing happy birthday to the joke! But I do have a very weird sense of humour or even start a joke jar bit like a swear jar and everything he says it put money in making it very ovious

I get you. My DH used to live in the next county over but moved to mine to be with me (I live about 5 miles from the border).

We regularly suffer "jokes" about it being cold up north, etc.

I could easily "joke" back that the accent where I'm from is a lot less country bumpkin, even though it's only 20 miles away from where they live, but I don't.

It's been 16 years of this "joke" so far and it is annoying and I don't have to see them every day.

You have my sympathy OP. You'll probably have to snap at him one day to get him to shut up.

Where I work that would count as harassment. Do you have HR training about that kind of thing?

Definitely this 🤣

This absolutely. Bullying is down to perception not intention. His jokey intent is irrelevant, it’s how you perceive it (and frankly it’s fucking old now and so far from being funny). Honestly I don’t know how you keep a civil tongue.

Any county in Wales will do; don't nit-pic.

I had this with actually a very nice harmless guy but he had a bit of anxiety that made him try to joke constantly and make stuff up, make people laugh etc. He went through a phase of fake coughing and saying the name of a TV show based in the region I am originally from (rhymes with shmordie splore, hint😅). Noone thought it funny and he wasn't trying to be nasty, I thought ignoring it would stop him but he just couldn't help himself til one day I asked to have a word in front of his colleagues and walked away with him out of ear shot, and said look I don't mind a joke but noones laughing and it's stopped being a joke now, and that him doing this is stopping me getting to know him for the nice guy I'm sure he is as we cant have a conversation when hes avting like that. He was very sorry, and we were cool after. He apologised a few more times but we were fine afterwards, sometimes a firm chat has to be had as awkward as it is.

This is bullying by an inadequate individual. I put up with similar all of my working life - people using a slight brummie accent to imply I was thick. I honestly think it affected my career. The climate is different now (you're obviously younger than me). He is implying you are 'backward' and it's offensive- especially with constant repeats. Don't put up with it like I did! Consider talking to your manager, THEN warn him that next time you'll take it to HR. Make sure you share with colleagues if appropriate how much this is upsetting you - but manager first. This needs to be stopped!

What? If it's a specific county in Wales over all other counties in Wales then it's not racism. It's stupid bit it's not racism. If it's Wales then it's potentially racism.

He is just trying to dominate you whilst you are the more professional person (and doing most of the work). Being more professional you probably dont respond. Same sad joke for 12 years. What a looser ! Time to start roasting him for it. Turn his joke back on him. At every possible opportunity raise your alleged lack of electricity, water, heating and education back on him. Even without him raising the joke. Starting with the fact that considering you have no amenities yet you have far more to bring to the table than him. Considering that he is relying on the same joke for 12 years despite his superior amenities to you - why is this Andy?. Totally lacking in creativity and imagination despite your imporverished lifestyle compared to yours Andy - why Andy why? Literally make a performance out of it. Maybe let a few trusted colleagues know you have had enough so they are in on the picture and could maybe join in the Andy ridicule to back you up. Make a big ridiculous deal about it. Use his own joke to ridicule him - but always depreciating yourself to do so in a ridiculous way but in doing so implying his inadequacies. After a week or so of that he will stop doing it for good as he wont like it. You could go to HR and you could put it in writing but it might look petty and he will just claim it was good humoured banter. Turning his own joke on him will probably be more effective and you will have dealt with it yourself.

Norfolk?

In the UK, your employer has the responsibility to provide a sexism free and racism free, safe environment at work for its employees. Approach a solicitor about employment matters expertise I'd suggest.

Collin is achieving his objective: he’s got your attention.
He’s showing the same characteristics as a child.

Is it Somerset and Wiltshire, I live in Somerset and have been teased about being “ooooh arrrrrr, a worsen and inbreds” it’s really annoying and unacceptable.

The Welsh are not a different race, cracking jokes against the Welsh is not racist but if done in a derogetory manner that incites negativity towards someone just because they are Welsh, is basically just as bad.