To pretend this school mum simply does not exist

[h733]

I found out through a mutual 'friend' that a particular school mum had been talking badly about me behind my back.

Aibu to just ignore her existence?

She has, in the past, turned her whole back on me to exclude me from a conversation.

This is someone you see for 5 mins a day twice a day, if that, right?
Which is more than I see my own family

Someone I knew very slightly was exceptionally rude to me once. She clearly thought I wasn't posh enough to bother with and cut me out of the conversation. Next time I saw her I went out of my way to be nice and very polite to her. She was very very taken aback. She knew she didn't deserve me being nice to her.

Water pistols/handbags at dawn.

It's the only solution.

No, I think it is definitely Rupert

Must be a year 2 thing-Ive had a school mum actively avoiding me over the last month or so, now she's back chatting again but I'll never trust her now.
Best bet is to act as though you haven't noticed what she like, and acknowledge her when you have to, or in front of other people only.

It happens to plenty of us! The school mum who obv thinks I’m something on the bottom of her shoe I am unscrupulously polite to when she is forced to engage by any situation. The rest of the time I ignore her and hope that those to whom she slags me off will also eventually realise she’s a cowbag. Really nothing else to do.

'I found out through a mutual 'friend' that a particular school mum had been talking badly about me behind my back.'

Why would you believe idle gossip?

You have no idea if this person is making it up or exaggerating because they have their own agenda.

🙄🙄🙄

Yes, but you don’t value her and her opinion as much as you do your own family, do you? Surely not. She’s a stranger, just treat her as one.

Admittedly I don't live in the UK, but honestly, I have never heard of all this "school mum" drama that there seems to be on MN.

Of course you can pretend she doesn't exist - she's not your friend, just someone who has kids at the same school as you. Why do you even care about what she says/does?

What year is your child in? There was one school mum in reception who I'm pretty sure didn't like me despite our kids being friends. By year 1 I'd worn her down and she's a good friend now. There's another who I don't think has ever liked me and it's been years. We are just very different. We smile and say hello as we have to stand in the same place. She could be saying all sorts about me but thank goodness everyone is grown up enough not to pass that info on. The one who told you is a stirrer and very immature. Tbh if you're going to stay away from anyone I'd stay away from her!!

I'd be civil but don't engage. Take the attitude that it's very much her problem, not yours. Maybe she's very insecure and unhappy... Very likely if she's being bitchy. Rise above it and try not to let it upset you, you don't need negative energy like that in your life.

When she says Hello looked a bit taken aback, Oh yes, er Hello, er 'her name', in other words you vaguely recognise her but she isn't really on your radar.

If someone says hello, say hello back otherwise you look like you're the one with issues.
Don't engage with her of your own accord but respond to her.
That way, you'll always come across as a normal, sane and friendly person.

In these situations I ask myself what royalty would do.
For example, I can only imagine Kate Middleton being polite and sweet in person and not letting this person get to her. She has a busy and full enough life that this person should have no effect. That’s what i would channel!

I have encountered school mums, unfriendliness, I just ignored them

Well what exactly has she been saying? That should give some indication as to why she dislikes you.

This!

Rupert the Bear always kept his own counsel. No hard stares from him.

You’ll be just as petty as her if you speak badly about her behind her back.

You don’t have to be nice to her.

You don’t have to do anything or say anything to her.

Ignore her. It shouldn’t even be up for discussion.

OP, it’s not being a walk over if you don’t stoop to her level.

It’s called rising above. Being a grown up.

I highly recommend this book

The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*k: The bestselling book everyone is talking about (A No Fcks Given Guide) https://amzn.eu/d/2K1klq8

A friend recommended it to me when I was having playground death stares. Transformed my attitude!

Weirdly the one who I'd been having issues with, since following this book's advice (don't be a dick) has started asking me my opinion on things and then acting on my suggestions. I've no idea how I've turned her from a frenemy to someone who respects my ideas. But it does say it's life changing!

No, it's head glue, have a tilted tinkle, stare-laugh.

Walk kids to school.
Drop kids at gate.
Go home.

This sounds like conversations I have with my 14 year old on the way to school.. just be civil and polite but don't stand next to her or engage her in conversation. Some people we don't like but still have to be around.

Nah, bugger that for a game of soldiers!

had this myself once and when she said Hello to me once, I said to her “oh sorry, I don’t do two-faced… but you go right ahead”

blanked her from that point on. She still tried to engage with my son at a school thing once, I was frosty and she soon crawled back under the risk she’d slithered out from.