To pretend this school mum simply does not exist

[h733]

I found out through a mutual 'friend' that a particular school mum had been talking badly about me behind my back.

Aibu to just ignore her existence?

She has, in the past, turned her whole back on me to exclude me from a conversation.

@Parapaderapa well, true.

Best to avoid that whole coven then really.

Do what you would want your kids to do in that situation?

Ignore and concentrate on nice people

Hello. Just be polite, civil etc. Who knows what’s she’s thinking. I imagine you’d be saying to your child if they were in your position, we can’t get on with everyone etc etc so just adopt that approach. I wouldn’t waste time trying to work out the why. If it’s something significant I’d expect a grown up to speak to me about it. If it’s not then I think we all have enough to be getting on with. Doesn’t sound like they are people who will give you much positive energy anyway so no need to get too invested. Good luck!

Paddington Bear. So rude. Head tilt, tinkly laugh.

That's not a good idea. In any case she isn't going to tell you. Who wants to know what folk are saying behind their back. I wouldn't. It won't be anything nice by the sound of it. Just say hello if she speaks to you but don't engage in conversation. That's the safest bet. You don't want a cat fight in the playground.

When I came across a woman who had been diabolically rude to me I gave her a huge smile (the one like a tiger gnashing its teeth) boomed out 'How you doing?' and walked past her at top speed before she could answer.

She couldn't complain I was rude or unfriendly and she didn't get the chance to be rude to me again.

Next time someone comes to you with tales ask them 'And you naturally told them that I am nice and not horrible at all, right?', because really they should be standing up for you at the time, not running to you with gossip you can do very little about.

OP, it clearly bothers you, so why don't you ask her about it? You can do it in a non-confrontational way. Say that you've heard she says X about you and ask if it's true. She'll probably deny, but at least she'll have been put on notice that she can't bitch about you without it getting back to you.

Smile if you catch each other’s eye. Otherwise you have no need to engage.

Perhaps just say 'good morning' in reply?

I often wonder why people (mainly females) tell each other negative comments made by others! Unless it's utter lies.
What has to be gained?
Ignore this information until you have a clearer picture of this mum.
Some people are troublemakers for no apparent reason, don't know why?

Are you sure?

Just ignore her as far as possible.

People are horrible sometimes and school mums are notoriously gossipy. That's why I always tried to avoid any close contact.

Nobody who knows you will believe her. Put it behind you, please and just be yourself.

I could have called her a lot worse than stupid cow. That was very restrained!

Keep being a good person and you're winning.
I am confident enough to know I'm a decent human and anyone who doesn't like me is completely entitled to and I probably wouldn't like them much if I had to mix with them anyway, so no loss!
You might be attractive, friendly, dress nicely, have an attractive wealthy husband.. (or all of the above) there's a while host of reasons she might not like you and it will be her problem and not yours. Let it go.

You say you don’t trust or like any of them so try not to care

when they go low you go high

do not talk about it with anyone just a cheery “morning!” And have a great life

if she keeps in or gets worse have a private word maybe your “friend” has told her crap that you are alleged to have said ?

I’d be super friendly. Either she’s a two-faced bitch and therefore you can do better, or the third party is a liar and you’re not fucked with petty bollocks. Win win.

The only thing you have on common with most mothers on the school run is that you had children at the same time. In my experience, you'll probably only be friends with one or two of them. By this, I mean you'll get on well with them and want to spend time with them.

Just be cordial with them but don't share anything you don't want to. Within a few years, you'll not even be going up to school.

She's probably hugely insecure. You don't have to stand with/meet up with/pretend to be friends with anyone.

@ShaneFulorgy It's Paddington

__

this is the approach I’d hope to go for in your position - make her squirm!

Apologies for so many Paddingtons. I posted one link and ended up with more than expected.

She sounds like an ex ‘mean girl’ from school. Pathetic really.

If she says good morning, I’d smile nicely enough and reply, and move away. What I’d def. try not to do is show that she’s upset me in any way - this is what ‘mean girls’ thrive on. Act as if you don’t give a toss about her - or even better, that you haven’t even noticed her behaviour.

If I thought someone was making stuff up about me I would have to have it out with them. I believe in calling this type of behaviour out because it only eats away at you and creates a tense atmosphere with someone you have to see regularly. You can ask her about it while being mature and dignified about it. Then just cut her out.

Just do a ‘🙂’ and be on your phone/see someone on the other side of the playground. She’ll get the message. This is someone you see for 5 mins a day twice a day, if that, right?

Do you respect her? Do you think her wise and wonderful? Is there any truth in what she said? If the answer to any of these is No, then you can safely tuck this whole shit into the "not worthy of my headspace" box and carry on as if it didn't happen.