To pretend this school mum simply does not exist

[h733]

I found out through a mutual 'friend' that a particular school mum had been talking badly about me behind my back.

Aibu to just ignore her existence?

She has, in the past, turned her whole back on me to exclude me from a conversation.

Nah, head-butt her while screaming ‘You dissed me, you psycho bitch!’

Or, you know, wonder why the friend who felt she had to let you know was labouring under the delusion you had the remotest interest in the opinion of someone you barely know? I wouldn’t give hippie a second thought.

They're only in year 2, and the school goes up to a-levels

Yep I'd continue saying a cheery 'Morning' but NO more.

Don't give her any excuse to bitch about you any further. Stupid cow.

I'd kill it with kindness. It happened at my daughter's school. I have no idea what the issue is. TBH I don't really care. I'm an old lady. I don't have the energy for nonsense. I'm not there to have conflict or make friends. Im there drop/ collect DC. I smile and say good morning because the kids don't need the atmosphere. My DC wasn't invited to her kids birthday. I explained to my DC that you can't be invited to everyonea birthday. Her kid has been invited to my DC birthday because my DC wrote the guest list. Realistically, I don't care if people love me, hate me or talk shit about me. Their opinion is irrelevant.

I would just be civil (because I’m not 12) but you could passive aggressively ask if she’s ok with a little head tilt?

Add hun for extra mn bitchiness.

Well you don’t seem to like her for the reason that someone said she’s been speaking badly about you. Maybe she doesn’t like you because someone has told her the same?

I’d just ignore, smile and carry on as usual. If you’re aloof, it will only add to the rumours if she tells people you’ve been speaking badly of her (which you haven’t done, but you also don’t know she has either, it could all be people stirring).

So the consensus is say hi, maybe, and generally carry on like she doesn't exist!

Perfect!

Surely the obvious response from her would be "sorry, I've no idea what you are talking about" (head tilt) "are you OK?"

And then OP would come across as paranoid and delusional and cause even more gossip.

I'd just ignore it and pretend it never happened. Hellos and nods and leave it at that.

Maybe she doesn’t like you because someone has told her the same?

If someone has told her that, that would be a lie. I've never said anything bad about her except to my own husband.

I've never trusted anyone enough to say anything bad about anyone.

She just doesn't like me.

I absolutely couldn’t say nothing. I don’t think that makes me immature, but if you stand for nothing you fall for everything and all that… I’d have a very discreet chat about things she’d been saying about you and ask her why… in the least. & before anyone says ‘oh yeah course you would.’ Yes… I absolutely would… why wouldn’t you?!

Here it is, the daily school mum paranoia post.

OP there is a useful saying here: what other people think of you is their business.

You can’t be liked by everyone and not should you try. People will think what they think. All you can control is your own response.

If this woman actually did say bad things about you behind your back (and I would put money on it being untrue or exaggerated) the correct response is a dignified smile or at worst a shrug.

What are you going to achieve by confronting her? She will deny it and if it’s true she will double down on it. You will make yourself look unhinged and paranoid and it’s all quite undignified.

Crack on with coexisting alongside her with quiet, polite dignity. It’s a win either way. And stop over investing in the school mum network. It’s not for for you anyway.

In my experience it can be anything
Your kids might not get on. One of the Mums on the school run told her son (allegedly) that my DD was a "show off" and it got repeated back. Have never mentioned to the mother (and just put it down to jealousy and bitterness).
Whilst I nod and smile to the mother I'm thinking I know what she said.

I guess if I thought we were more friends then maybe.

Fact is, she been standoffish and rude since they started school, I just gave her the benefit of the doubt.

No I couldn't care less. I wish she'd stop trying to make eye contact.

I won't be confronting her ever.

Your kids might not get on.

They do, but they're in different forms and are of different sexes so not an issue.

Be the grown up? You seem to be spoiling for a fight

@h733 in which case I would just not engage at all. No eye contact, blatant ignoring if necessary. She’ll catch on. Hopefully it’ll give her a bit of anxiety/over thinking.

How do I?

Fix her with a Rupert Bear hard stare and say Did you mean to be on glue? Head laugh Tinkly Tilt
I think that is the usual way recommended to deal with cunts on here OP

Yes but what exactly did she tell you? You say you don’t know why the other mum doesn’t like you, but after a few drinks I’m sure everything came out of your other friend about what was said. So you must have an inkling as to why she dislikes you enough for half the mum circle to be hearing about it.

I was part of a big mum group when mine were much smaller. There was one mum I didn’t gel with, nor her me. Completely different people, but she went out of her way to exclude. I was offended the first time but then realised that not everyone can get along in life and by the time your children reach middle to end of primary they seem to drop out of existence. So unless something remarkable has happened, think you both just need to draw a line under it.

She may have said fuck all though, and the shit stirrer is standing back with popcorn.

Do you mean Paddington Bear? 😳😂😂

Whilst I don’t agree with calling the other woman a ‘stupid cow’ without full context, this comment had me laughing at the Michael McIntyre joke. Have visions of the op thinking ‘Morning!’ and accidentally shouting ‘stupid cow!’ across the playground…

But that was my point, who is to say someone didn’t lie to her and say you did? You don’t know for certain she’s said anything as you haven’t heard it from her.