To think I can't go back to work at 6 months?

[88MincePies]

We live abroad and unfortunately I only get 6 months mat leave. It's a very stressful job, I would be leaving the house at 8, coming home around 6pm and expected to log back in for another 1-2 hours at least.

My baby is 3 months, exclusively breastfed, and I'm dreading it. Pumping 24/7, meetings, work, home in a hurry to have 1-2 hours with my baby, then log in again, then hope to sleep. I think it's cruel to leave my baby with a stranger when she's so young. And it's horrible for me, I can't see how I can make this work and save my sanity.

I can't quit as the amount of money I would have to pay the company for leaving early is enormous. So I need to make it work. Any helpful tips please???

Baby has a milk and soy allergy and hates the prescription formula (very common, paediatrician said it tastes shit and babies tend to hate it unless they're on it from early on) so I can't put him on formula at this point. I'll have to pump.

The stranger will not be a stranger for long.

Maybe the baby s father if around can take leave?

Should also mention i had a traumatic pregnancy and birth, I'm still in pain daily and it's going to take a while to recover physically. So this probably adding to that feeling.

Can you work from home at all, with a nanny?

@cestlavielife DH gets 15 days annual leave and no paternity or parental leave. He'd have to quit his job entirely which poses immigration and financial issues. Also it doesn't change the fact that I will be pumping round the clock, be away from my baby, etc. It feels like my life will be horrendous.

It doesn’t sound ideal no. I think a nanny is your best bet. You need your DH to step up also. If you can’t leave or take further parental leave as it will affect your career then can he?

Can you request part time or some WFH?

I'm so sorry OP. No way I could have gone back at six months either, utterly impossible. If it had been return to work or quit, I would have had to quit, it wouldn't be a choice. Any chance of negotiating an extra few months unpaid?

@TickingAlongNicely only a max of 2 days a week and only provided there are no meetings etc. So some weeks not at all.

Ok just read your update.

What was your plan when you got pregnant for going back to work?

I'm so sorry OP. This is a horrible situation to be in. I don't know how you could make this easier to be honest, you will just have to try and maximise your WFH as much as possible.

If you're still recovering from birth can you be signed off sick?

Not ideal but I was back full time at 13 weeks back in those good old days in 98 - just before all the changes happened on maternity leave- it was very very hard going

Are you in the US? Zero parental leave for the father and 15 days holiday doesn’t sound good at all.

@Delatron we were about to relocate to the UK when I got pregnant. I didn't think anyone would hire a pregnant woman plus I was SO SO SICK, I couldn't think straight so decided to stay for the least disruption and for the medical care.

I also naively thought it wouldn't be so bad.

Will your company definitely make you return mat pay in a lump sum? Do they have a mechanism for this? Is it worth exploring whether they might be flexible? I'm sorry this sounds very stressful.

Ah sounds so tough. I honestly don’t see how it can work. Any chance of relocating?

Can you see if you can either get unpaid leave for a few more months. Or get signed off sick if you have birth injuries.

@KittyEmK they do and they will.

I'm honestly looking for women here to tell me I'm ridiculous and it's totally doable and I'm just hormonal.

Doesn't help baby has just learned some new skills and he hasn't slept well the last 3 nights.

It is totally doable. I've gone back before six months, twice. Not ideal, no, but doable.
You and baby will be absolutely fine.

How long do you have to stay working there for?

being a parent is tough! You'll have to get used to it... we all have our issues, though I entirely sympathise with your position (!). I doesn't get easier for a good few years... and six months is not THAT short a ML... ideal would be forever of course but, as you say, financial implications affect us all (or most of us anyway...)

I had my first baby very young and had only 3 months maternity. Its tough, I do understand it. But either you have to reduce your outgoings so you can stay at home, do the same and get a part time job, or pay for childcare. Sadly most of us have to do things that we would not do in an ideal world.

You've grown a baby. Given birth to a baby. Nailed what sounds like a pretty hectic job for years.

Of course you can bloody well do this! You've proven yourself resilient. Is this ideal? No. But when is life ever?

How long do you have to stay after going back before you can not pay any back? If you really can’t do it, get signed off sick for the duration?

Honestly, you will cope. They won't be a stranger after their first day with the caregiver, your baby will settle with them much faster than later on, as they start on solids the bf/ pumping becomes less (but is a lovely way to be connected with them) and as long as your dh pulls his weight at home and baby pick ups it will all work out.
I do know what its like - I went back to work FT (no WFH) when ds was 4.5 months old and fully bf and he went to FT nursery. He's 18 now and no scars from it!

I returned after 5 weeks. I had two businesses to run and no choice. You need to get yourself a nanny you can trust with your life and a good housekeeper who will make dinner as much as you can afford.

I’m not going to tell you you’re ridiculous but I will tell you it can be easy with the right help.