To think I can't go back to work at 6 months?

[88MincePies]

We live abroad and unfortunately I only get 6 months mat leave. It's a very stressful job, I would be leaving the house at 8, coming home around 6pm and expected to log back in for another 1-2 hours at least.

My baby is 3 months, exclusively breastfed, and I'm dreading it. Pumping 24/7, meetings, work, home in a hurry to have 1-2 hours with my baby, then log in again, then hope to sleep. I think it's cruel to leave my baby with a stranger when she's so young. And it's horrible for me, I can't see how I can make this work and save my sanity.

I can't quit as the amount of money I would have to pay the company for leaving early is enormous. So I need to make it work. Any helpful tips please???

Baby has a milk and soy allergy and hates the prescription formula (very common, paediatrician said it tastes shit and babies tend to hate it unless they're on it from early on) so I can't put him on formula at this point. I'll have to pump.

I went back to work full time at 16 weeks with my first, EBF baby.

Sort your childcare out asap - I struck gold and that person is like family to us. Make sure they have space to store frozen milk and are willing to give it.

Arrange a place to pump and store milk at work. By 6 months a couple of times a day at work should be fine. Block those times in your calendar. Get a good pump - mine was just a hand one which was quieter than an electric one.

get your partner to do the cooking so you can feed them when you get home and again before bed, and they can sort out breakfast in the morning whilst you do a feed.

focus just on yourself, your baby and your work. Drop all other commitments you can, and if you can afford it, get a cleaner (I couldn’t!)

be prepared for all the emotions of going back to work. Remember it’s just a phase and you won’t be breastfeeding forever! I now have a 20 something who is a strong independent young person with a solid work ethic who chooses to spend time with me.

ETA:

my partner didn’t pull his weight and would often get lost on the way home in the pub

I had no family help

the tip to start pumping now to build up a freezer stash is a good one

I went back to work after 6 months and then caned it at work to get a promotion and payrise within a year. It is possible, yes it will be hard. My dc is now 10 and no ill effects... we have an amazing bond.

I had to go back at 5 months with my first, who was a cmpa and severe reflux baby. He wouldn't breastfeed so just had the nasty amino acid formula to puke over and over. It was pretty bad as he didn't sleep, but we all survived, though it was devastating at the time. I was fortunate to work full time, from home, with heaps of flexibility then. I often crumbled and collected him very early.

With my second - a healthy one this time, but an exclusive breastfeeder - I went back at 7 months (would have been 6 but I got made redundant). I got hands free pumps which were adequate, although they can't fully replicate that baby latch for a complete full empty. Not that she would take it - she refused pumped, cow, formula and oat milk, still today at almost 3 (she's still feeding like crazy too). I did regular milk donations to a poorly local baby instead. My daughter had water and lots of food at nursery, she took really well to solids (unlike my first who didn't really eat until 2....).

I have an amazing bond with both kids, and am still top parent ;) You can totally do this. There are lots of women who can't stay home until they're 1/2/3, because otherwise they'd lose their home. It's crap, especially when they're as small as yours. The important thing is to find childcare that will be flexible for their specific needs (no regimented nap/milk times) and free with their love and affection. It felt weird when I first saw the baby room manager give my tiny son a kiss on the head, but knowing they would hold him whole he slept on them for an entire 2 hour nap, and love him like I would, made me feel better.

Just prepare yourself for the mammoth feeding sessions when baby is home. Mine fed for at least 2 hours the minute she came in the door, every night, for about a year. It's still the first thing she does now after nursery.

You can do it!! Great advice on this thread already but completely agree that the evening work will be the most difficult. Not sustainable if baby up lots in the night which my 2 were. You’ll need to get to sleep asap. I found I was so much more productive in the day when went back after first was 7 months (knowing I was paying a nanny!) that I stopped evening work and you just fit it in.

I went back at 7 months, because I needed the money. It was fine! I was worried as baby was EBF and SCREAMED ever time we even went near her with a bottle. Certainly at the 3 months point it seemed impossible. So we tried again every few weeks and she was totally fine. They change so much by 6M! I actually enjoyed being back at work as I could relax knowing I only had myself to look after!

This
I am sorry for what you are going through OP, difficult time.
My childminder turned out to be one of the best people in my child's life and she was a total stranger.
Take care, one day at a time

You’ll be fine! It’s not ideal but by 6 months your baby will be eating food and can drink out of a cup hopefully and could drink soya milk or whatever instead of the formula that your baby doesn’t like !

my little boy has just turned 6 months and he’s only needing breastfeeding 4 times a day at the moment - it will start to be less frequent and the baby will adjust!

What country are you in?

It isn't easy but you can do it. I went back at 8 months with Dd1, 12 months with DS 1 and 6 months with DD2. With DD2 I started a new role in senior leadership which was challenging. We got a fabulous Nanny and I wfh a couple days a week so could breast feed on those days (camera off)!

This , however hard it may seem is perfectly normal in lots of countries . Lots of people in America and Canada take very little maternity leave . The thought of doing it is probably worse than the actual doing if you get my drift .

Can you just stop doing the 1-2 hours after work and the extra hours around work?

I.e. literally work your contracted hours and if they want to manage you out then so be it? Hopefully they won't and you might get used to it/it not be so bad.

If you'd be happy quitting except for the fact you'd have to pay back your enhanced maternity leave it might be viable?

Can you go back 4 days a week?

Of course it's doable - those of us having babies 30 years ago only had 3 months
Mat leave. It's tough, I won't deny it, particularly if you're still bf (I was) and when they're still having night feeds.

However, on the plus side, my baby experienced no separation anxiety, it just hasn't kicked in at that stage. I look at much younger colleagues now who start leaving their children in childcare at around a year old and many of them have a really tough time. Another upside is that a short mat leave means you never really get out of the loop, it's easy to slot back in whereas I imagine if you haven't been working for a year, it's a more difficult adjustment.

I’m not sure where you are, but most women who come back to my work are pumping. We have multiple lactation rooms and they can also just pump in offices. It is very supported and normalized.

if you are able to control your own calendar, manipulate it as much as possible to keep two days a week free to wfh. You will still need child care, but cutting out the commute time and general wasted time around being in the office will help. You also won’t have to worry about transporting your pumped milk those days.

i ghosted block my schedule. It’s how i am able to almost always leave on time to pick up dd. I just happen to have a recurring meeting at the end of my day that finishes right when i leave.

I'm sorry you're struggling. My experience was more than 20 years ago but back to work at 4 months. DC in nursery 7.30am - 6.15pm 3 days a week with me doing nursery drop, car, train, tube, reverse journey, nursery pick up. It was hard but you just do what you have to do in the end. Many years later when I got off that merry go round I wondered how on earth I kept going.

Well I'm not going to tell you you're ridiculous, because you're not.

But I am going to tell you it's doable. When I had DS my employer only offered statutory minimum, which IIRC was 8 weeks on 90% pay and 12 weeks on £55 p/w (It was >20 years ago). DS was 4 months old when I went back to work, because we ran out of money. We found a magnificent childminder who I totally trusted to care for him.

It's doable.

Is your job role flexible?

Could you work evenings and weekends, so you’ll need less childcare?

Do you have any family members who can help you out?

I'd agree with all of this.

Lots of good advice already. You'll be okay, if you have to be.

A lot changes between 3 months and 6 months. I was still struggling with post birth pain at 3 months, but was okay by 6.

Pumping is a real nuisance at work. It's incredibly time consuming - you'll need 30min meeting reserved for the times that you need to pump.

I'd look into slightly early weaning, so you know your baby is eating well when you're at work. It's okay to wean at 4 or 5 months if they are sitting up well and showing interest in food. Judge uf your baby is ready, rather than waiting fir 6 months.

Try not to let anxiety about the return to work spoil the remaining half of your maternity leave.

You're absolutely not being ridiculous but it's doable. I went back at 6 months onto 12.5 hour shifts. I fed DC before I left for work, pumped on my way there, during my two breaks and then on my way home, then did a dream feed. My best recommendation is a hands free pump, that way you can still eat your lunch etc while pumping.

It's hard but it's doable. I only got 13 weeks with each of mine. You will get in the routine of pumping at work etc and freeze milk so you have a small stockpile. That'll take a lot of the stress away.

Interview a lot of nannies or daycares and only go with one you love. Mine went to a Montessori daycare and thrived. Your DH will also have to be involved in logistics, especially if he works fewer hours.

Sitting down once a week to work the family schedule (even down to who's cooking dinner etc) is massively helpful.

It's definitely doable. I went back at 6 months to a full on job that included travel. I was also expressing but from 6 months we started mixing in tiny bits of formula (10%) and gradually increased it until I stopped expressing and she moved entirely to formula at 9 months.

I also dreaded going back but mostly the thought was worse than the reality.

I remember I was meant to go back when baby was 12 weeks. It was my first job and I was only 21 at the time so hadn’t been there long enough for the extended maternity leave. This was in 1998. I couldn’t have left my baby that tiny so I left my job, I’d only been eligible for SMP though and my job was fine but not worth prioritising over a baby for the pay I was getting. Partner was working and we managed.

I found a new job after baby was about 18mths and could work back to back shifts with partner.

Some countries are very generous with maternity leave; others, not so much. I work in academia and had to return early for a £15 million research project, as I was the PI. It was heartbreaking at first. It was a physical ache you can’t understand unless you've experienced it, but having someone I trusted at home with my child made all the difference. At first, I kept FaceTime on for hours, and then it became easier. All of a sudden, a new routine had emerged. It will be fine.
Find a good nanny.

I did it twice , it WAS tough . With my youngest dd, I BF her for 2 years , but went back to work at 6 months . So I used to bf her at night and the morning , then as soon as I got home and in the evening . I didn’t pump . She started solids around then I think …… I may have left a bottle of formula ( I do get that this will be an issue for you ) . As dd started solids , she needed less milk while I was away from her . I didn’t express because it was too exhausting , so I just fed her a lot when I was there . My supply adjusted v quickly .

OP, I went back at 6 months and breastfed until 18 months, so you can do it as you will get into a routine. The main problem I see is the “log back in” at home - why do you have to do this?