To think I can't go back to work at 6 months?

[88MincePies]

We live abroad and unfortunately I only get 6 months mat leave. It's a very stressful job, I would be leaving the house at 8, coming home around 6pm and expected to log back in for another 1-2 hours at least.

My baby is 3 months, exclusively breastfed, and I'm dreading it. Pumping 24/7, meetings, work, home in a hurry to have 1-2 hours with my baby, then log in again, then hope to sleep. I think it's cruel to leave my baby with a stranger when she's so young. And it's horrible for me, I can't see how I can make this work and save my sanity.

I can't quit as the amount of money I would have to pay the company for leaving early is enormous. So I need to make it work. Any helpful tips please???

Baby has a milk and soy allergy and hates the prescription formula (very common, paediatrician said it tastes shit and babies tend to hate it unless they're on it from early on) so I can't put him on formula at this point. I'll have to pump.

So I went back to work full time 9-6 at 4 months with an ebf baby with a fairly demanding job which meant I worked in the evenings occasionally.

What made it work for me was WFH entirely and a childminder 5 minutes from home who was also very flexible with regards to taking on an ill child as long as her temp wasn't above 39 and she wasn't vomiting. Also a DH who could do pick ups/drop offs from time to time and who would share the load with regards to taking days off when she was sick.

I pumped at my desk at home but it wasn't super fun. Definitely invest in a hospital grade pump (you hire them where I live and it's reimbursed by Social Security).

In your case it will definitely be tricky. Is your very full on job well paid? If so, I would suggest a nanny in the home would probably make it manageable. If it isn't, I would really consider whether it is somewhere you want to stay with a young child. I also echo a PP which says that if you are still struggling with birth injuries to see if you can be signed off sick to give you extra time to recover.

I went back at six months with both my DC and it was very doable.

Could you mix the formula and breastmilk together to make it taste better?

when baby is 6 months they will begin eating solids and require fewer feeds, I suggest getting him used to accepting formula by mixing it gradually with breast milk and then introducing baby porridge. You can give him morning and bedtime breast feeds and he will hopefully accept formula without you needing to pump. I honestly think pumping will be really tricky and I would have struggled with that.

Where abroad are you?
I had to go back at 4 months, I decided a live in nanny was the right choice. In the end she stayed with me for 10 years including moving back to the UK from the ME.

It's not without stress etc but the big tip...drop the guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about and it's a pointless emotion.

Any chance of additional unpaid leave?

If not then I would suggest introducing some formula and combi feeding to make things a bit easier. Pumping is time consuming (I had a elvie but I found it didn't work that well vs a wired option) and although BFing is obviouly preferable, I think a compromise might be more viable. You'd still need to pump but much less if the baby has some formula whilst you are away.

I went back at 6 months but I WFH almost exclusively for a couple of months and after that only went in 1 day a week. My OH was looking after the baby so quite different.

Of course you can do it. It will be tough but you will get through it.

It's definitely doable; not long ago it was 13 weeks in the UK.
It will be much easier and preferable for all with a nanny .
Baby will be taking solids soon and quite quickly drinking water from beakers and only really having a bf morning and night.The awful pumping scenario needn't be a long term thing .

I went back to work at 12 weeks in a similar sounding job after both DC and pumped until they were 12 months. It is doable although I won’t say easy.

I built up a freezer store a month before going back by expressing from one boob while feeding from the other side- helped boost my supply and a freezer store gives huge peace of mind.

I used to feed before and straight after work and pump twice during the day- 20 mins a time. Monday’s expressed milk would stay in the fridge to be used on Tuesday etc with Friday’s milk going into the freezer.

It got much more manageable after 6 months as once they started having some solids the pressure for milk reduced.

Both DC did prefer feeding direct so I’m afraid used to feed more at night. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing though as 1) it reduced the amount of milk I needed to express and 2) I used to bring them into bed with me and we would sleep cuddled up- I always felt I got plenty of time with my babies and they definitely knew who their mummy was!

It was easier for me as I had straightforward births so no pain by the time I went back and I had actively chosen to go back at that time. Good luck- I know right now it must feel overwhelming

I went back when my first baby was 6 months. It was hard but very doable. The years fly by and he's a big 6ft 16 year old and hasn't been affected whatsoever by his Mum working!

Can you reduce your hours, even for a short time? I went back 24 hours a week at 5 months. 12 hour shifts and continued to breastfeed, increased to full time at 9 months and continued to breastfeed until dc 3 years old. You get into a routine and I did it as a single parent, needed to accept that life was work and parenting for a while

Some helpful(?) advice / thoughts

• find a Childminder or nanny ideally nearish to you. You feel a lot better and it will be a lot easier
• start weaning at 5m they recommend this for most milk allergy babies anyway.
• get your baby to like avocado (super calorie filled) my cmpa baby wasn’t keen but through sheer exposure every day for a month he learned to love it. He is bigger and sturdier -> less guilt about leaving him
• Start pumping now and try and build some supplies
• dont dismiss formula - it will take the heat off
• you can start milk ladder from 10m
• on the formula something like aptmil pepti 1 tastes WAY better than Alfa mino etc. we are milk laddering using aptimil so giving small bits to DS instead of his regular gross milk 🤮
• you can mix the formula into food! Works great in mashed potato and “fish pie” type meals
• be firm / proactive with your diary to try and get 1-2 days wfh

for you… use the weekend but take 2 days 1 to review your wardrobe and 1 to get a haircut and buy a few new bits so you feel good in yourself about going back

its hard but once you get into it, it is okay

I wouldn’t go back. I really wouldn’t. What’s the point in having the baby if at 6 months you have to leave it full time? I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’d pay the money back and enjoy my baby.

I would say this is the only option. If you can't work and can't resign I don't see a way forward. I suppose you could ask to temporarily reduce your hours.

This sounds tough but it's still 3 months away. Your baby is already very different to a newborn and 6 months old will be quite different to how your life is now. Work on introducing some formula feeds, try different brands to see if baby likes one more than others (get the wee ready-mixed bottles to try). Do you have annual leave built up during your maternity that could be used to push back your return to work?

I went back after 10 weeks mat leave (US)
I built up a milk stash in the freezer and pumped as soon as I got home while feeding from the other side. There was a can of formula for emergency use and it was used a few times. I was lucky enough to have MIL do the babysitting as much as I didn't like her she loved her grandson and did a good job.
I worked about a year then took a year off when MIL moved away.
It is doable. Start pumping and freezing and get someone else to give baby the bottle.

I went back at 6 months and still breast feed my now 1 year old.

However, she is only in childcare 1/2 days and I work flexibly (evenings/nap times) for the rest. Even that is tricky, but in some ways would be easier if she was in full days. Can you compress your hours (esp if you’re working extra in the evening) so you have 3 days at home with her?

I went back 7am - 7pm 5 days a week after 7 weeks. It was fine - I am not saying that there weren’t challenges but my husband and I worked as a team and with a brilliant nursery - we all thrived. I appreciate this is a personal choice but you will always be unhappy with this if you don’t approach the situation in a what can I control way.

can you get a nanny? In the end, you will get used to it. I have a few friends in the US and they all went back at 8 weeks and did the whole pumping thing (I admit, I didn't envy them). At 6 months your baby will also start on solids. Often, it's by far not as bad as you think it is. There is no point catastrophising if it's not something you can away and there is no alternative. Better to be proactive and put things in place.

It definitely sounds a challenging situation

What about the baby's father sharing the load too, it shouldn't all be on you

Sadly this is the reality of short maternity leave

It is totally doable but you need to be in the right mindset. If this is the way things have to be for now then you’ve got to make the best of it. My tips are similar to the above, definitely get good childcare in place (mine could go to nursery 7-6.30 if we wanted), even if it’s really expensive it won’t last forever. Try build up a stash of milk but don’t stress too much, if you’re not around chances are baby will start to take formula/ other food. Also think about what your partner can do- this is not on you. Check your employer’s policy on leave, parental leave, carers leave so you know what you’re entitled to. If you’ve got 2 days at home make the most of that. Remember you’ll see your baby morning, evenings and weekends and this isn’t forever, plus you’re providing for them.

Then when you’ve been back long enough not to forfeit your mat pay, look for something more flexible/ relocate before you have more kids.

I went back at 8 months with all of mine- it was knackering but absolutely fine.

Look I was in a similar position myself. Working overseas as a teacher. I went back to work when my oldest was 10 weeks and my youngest was 9 weeks old. It was hard. Especially with my oldest as he was born with a very serious health problem. I left the home at 6am and came back around 5pm. Like all teachers I worked again when the baby was in bed.

Is it going to be easy? No. Are you going to cry in the shower? Yes. You'll be fine. Woman up! In time you will look back and marvel at your strength.

It is totally doable. You will feel very different physically in 3 months. Your baby will probably sleep fine. Especially if you sensibly sleep train. They will also start stopping feeds, mine was down to 3x a day and no nights by 7 months. If you have a hands free wireless pump, it will be fine. You can also put boundaries in place at work. I would vote for a nanny if you can afford, kid will get sick way less and you’ll save yourself the nursery run and annoying school closures.

My BFF is a hospital dr and she has managed pumping with both her DC through a year. Returning after 6 weeks with one and 6 months with the other.

Pro tip also is don’t skimp on childcare if you can afford it. You don’t have to use it but better your kiddo is with the nanny another 30 minutes every day and you get to breathe and feel less stressed than trying to maximize every minute with your DC and running yourself ragged. You’ll be a better parent if you look after yourself too.

If you’d like women to tell you it’s doable: waves I went back at 7 months for my 3rd baby (which is obviously different to a first baby, but bear with me), and it was fine. She was happy with formula, I had a nanny and a childminder and my husband around for some days, and I truly didn’t feel like I was leaving her with a stranger. Babies are small for a short amount of time and some people see that as a reason to try to stay at home with them BUT another way of looking at it is that it’s a short time in long years of looking after and loving your children and if you need or want to keep a job going, that period is really not forever (and often a lot easier workwise than stepping out and then fighting your way back in). You sound determined and resourceful - but you do need to physically recover (I was physically absolutely fine, which helped), - maybe your workplace might enable you a staggered return for example, for health reasons? Good luck with it all - lots of women go back after that amount of time or less, so you’re not an outlier.

I don't think you're ridiculous, but it is very much doable. I went back to work at 6 months (twins), and actually think 8-6pm out the house for a full time working parent is pretty decent. Right now I'm out 7:30-615.

Get a nanny-housekeeper (if you can afford it) and utilise working from home as much as able.