To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

Do those justifying this crap seriously think this is the kind and decent thing to do by Op? If so please check your moral compass. This is massively cruel and insensitive and ask yourself if you’d prefer to be in their situation for Christmas.

The bang of passive aggressive is strong.

If someone is in a job that requires Xmas work then that's on them. This isn't in their colleagues. It isn't their colleagues responsibility and to be quite frank a baby hasn't a blue clue what day it is.

That is an adults want. And that adult has made choices that impact them achieving that want. That want does not override their colleagues right to fair turns in having xmas off.

And the 'i couldn't do it,' is really disrespectful and disengenious to others. I am sick of the unfairness of the 'be kind' brigade.

And no I never worked Xmas or new because I made specific career choices. I do have children and fully understand that should I have made different choices there would be different consequences.

It was your post that indicated you had issues around the festive period.

Thats great you have worked Christmas for colleagues but it still doesn’t mean giving parents priority is the right thing to do. It’s unfair.

Out of fairness to everyone - you should have at least one of the days off. Kids or no kids you are being discriminated against purely because you don't have children.
I'd be refusing to work Christmas Eve as it is not your day to work and work the shifts that do unfortunately fall on your contracted days.

So if my opinion genuinely is 'i couldn't do it' how would you like me to express my opinion? Or should people who have opinions you don't like, simply refrain from commenting on Mumsnet? Do you believe in free speech? (Its ok if you don't, just wondering).

I'm aware you feel my post sounds passive aggressive, but not sure how else to phrase it. I really believe just crack on. Up to you. Up to OP. I just was saying I think in the cases OP gave of Jill, Jane and Mary, the reasons sound very valid. I also think OP should have asked for the days off in advance.

I do feel for you, but you have a job working in a 24hr sector where your normal days are Weds and Thursday, so working Christmas was always going to be an issue. Them scheduling you in for Tuesday is completely unacceptable though and if I was having to work Weds/Thurs I would push back on the Tuesday and say you've already made plans (are they allowed to put you in for extra compulsory shifts outside your contracted days?).

People with kids don't need Christmas eve off.

I can totally understand the people with children wanting the time off on Christmas day, but again, boxing day shouldn't matter to be fair, so I can't see why if your contract says you only work Christmas day OR boxing day you can't push back on that?

I'd be furious about it being assumed, rather than asked to be fair so would push back as much as possible on your contracted terms.

I also think OP should have asked for the days off in advance.

You keep repeating this, while ignoring the fact that the OP has been told she needs to work on one of her days off.

I agree. You can't just give parents priority because they r parents. But OP gave the reason her three colleagues want Christmas off, and I think they r very valid reasons.

@SleepFinally

why should she ask for annual leave for a BH when the manager has said you work either Christmas Day or Boxing Day and she is working both?

why is childcare a valid reason? What about I need to look after my parent? I have family coming from abroad this is the only time I can see them? even I have had a hard year and want one day at Christmas with family is a valid reason

You are missing the point massively.

(I personally think though, OP could have avoided all this if she had simply applied for Christmas leave back in august. Maybe this is a learning curve for her? If you don't ask until its too late, you only have yourself to blame really. Next year she should apply in August and explain she worked Christmas this year so wants next year off. Her manager in such circumstances is likely to then grant the leave).

///

Learning curve? Crikey patronising much?!

My husbands workplace don't allow advance Christmas bookings anymore because the same old people parental of young kids who immediately claim it.

I work Wednesday, Friday, Saturday.

so this year with Christmas falling on a Wednesday I'll be off Christmas Eve Christmas Day and Boxing Day, which is great.

but next year it's a Thursday so I'll be working both and that's absolutely fine

'I couldn't do it' and talking about someone missing out on their baby's first Christmas is designed to completely guilt trip OP, she isn't actually complaining about working Christmas Day specifically, she is annoyed that she is being scheduled to work ALL THREE DAYS because she doesn't have children.. that is very wrong IMO.

Christmas Eve - not her usual day anyway, so why, why do parents NEED christmas eve off?

Christmas Day - fair enough, If it was a choice I'd prefer to let the people with kids have this day if it was MY choice - OP hasn't been given a choice.

Boxing Day - WHY?? Why do parents need boxing day AS WELL?? what a complete pisstake.

If their working rules say she should have Xmas Day OR Boxing Day off, why should she be guilted for wanting that? and not wanting to work a day when she shouldn't even be there?

Genuinely, what would you do in that situation, work all three days without complaint?

I do work with a woman who claims she still needs her school hours contract even though her only child is 16 and is now at college and goes there by herself by bus. I don't care I'm happy with my shifts it works for my family me working a few evenings a week but it's a bit unfair of her to cling onto her 9-2:30 when it's not really neccesary anymore

Your phrasing was pure passive aggressive. And obviously consciously or unconsciously meant to apply shame to the op.

Why? She isn't scheduled to work? She worked last year?

Is psychically meant to know the rules are now ignored?

People without children are not less than. Their family and or support network is equal to.

Sorry, I just assumed if she's been asked to work Tuesday, her contract must specify she can be asked to work any day. Apologies if I'm wrong on that.

I think it's sensible when you want Christmas off to ask for it and specify in advance - so email or discussion on July/August along the lines ... 'Dear manager. I want to make you aware I have plans at Christmas this year and will need from X date to Y date off. I'm happy to take as leave or please let me know how best to take this from leave/days off etc.. I worked the Christmas period last year so assume this will be fine...'

If you wait until November and your manager says - 'sorry, you have to work X and y days because Mary, Jane and jill have already requested Christmas off for family reasons and those days have been granted to them' then sorry, it's on you... and they have very good reasons so...

Totally meant to shame. Nasty.

I personally don't think parents need Christmas Eve or Boxing Day off, I'm saying that as a mum of 3 who does work those days depending on schedule, I've worked untill 8pm on Boxing Day loads of times and then gone home ordered a takeaway and got my Santa Claus on. Christmas Eve is for last minute shoppers in my opinion. It would have been nice to do my kids Christmas Eve box with them, but dad was there and he did it, no real stresses there

Is that what happened? Those people have had leave agreed but OP didn’t submit a leave request?

Can you the OP again because you are missing out facts

She doesn't work those days. Do you notify your employer on the weekends you don't work?

She worked last year. She took her turn. It is now not her turn.

The onus is not on the OP and again victim blaming.

Haha! I'm not trying to guilt trip or shame anyone! If people have thoe emotions then that's on them. I don't and can't and don't want to control how anyone else thinks or feels. Your feelings are yours. If someone is feeling ashamed or guilty for something then those are their emotions to understand, own and unpick. But that's their issue, not mine.

Sorry, I just assumed if she's been asked to work Tuesday, her contract must specify she can be asked to work any day. Apologies if I'm wrong on that.

If you worked in a job for x months or x years and you never work Tuesdays, you don’t expect that you are going to work on a Tuesday irrespective of what the contract says about “can be asked to work any day”. It would be absurd for me to book Mondays off when I don’t work Mondays although no doubt the small print says it possible for my employer to ask me to do that.

There’s clearly a reasonable expectation that’s her day off if she never works it. They know that and you know that.

Asking her to work her day off would’ve been bad enough but telling her is shocking.

Again do you not see the insensitivity of TELLING someone they must work their day off or Christmas because they haven’t popped out kids? Particularly in this situation where fertility issues are involved.

Sorry, I just assumed if she's been asked to work Tuesday, her contract must specify she can be asked to work any day. Apologies if I'm wrong on that.

OP has made it pretty clear she never works a Monday / Tuesday. Also she hasn't been asked, she's been told she's working it because she doesn't have children.

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues.

If you are putting in for holiday you usually can’t put in for holiday on a day you don’t work. You don’t call in sick to a day you don’t normally work either.

And yet you could enjoy your Christmas with a baby (not newborn or you'd still be on mat leave) whilst knowing you'd caused Sandra to be alone at Christmas as she couldn't go travel to see family? Especially knowing thay Sandra was painfully childless?

Yes, humanity seems pretty lacking in empathy when you put it like that.