To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

Why would OP feel ashamed? Shame is when you do something you feel uncomfortable with or have been humiliated in some way. If the OP is comfortable with her decisions why would she feel ashamed?? I was saying i would feel uncomfortable (maybe even ashamed? though not sure I'd go that far) taking Christmas away from Jill, Jane and Mary. But if OP feels fine with it, that's up to her. If she feels ashamed, then that's also up to her. It's her actions and decisions not mine....

🎯🎯🎯🎯

This is what shocks me. The cruelty is astounding. Where’s their compassion for Op who has had THREE miscarriage and doesn’t know if she can have a child ever ?

This. The poster has a total empathy bypass for anyone who doesn’t have kids. It makes pretty grim reading. And very discriminatory

Oh dear your passive aggressive stance appears to be your default.

You are right our feelings are our own. And nasty martyrdom statements , whilst missing key facts appear to be yours.

Lesson number four in passive aggressive communication. Remember there will be a test.

Funny isn't it that people would rightly say their employer was being discriminatory if they didn't get promoted because they had children and their employer said they preferred someone who didn't have family commitments and could offer complete flexibility but some of those same people expect preferential treatment at certain times of the year precisely because they have children.

I used to work in a 24/7 service and always worked my share of Christmas holidays without complaint. My standard response to anyone expecting me to do more because I didn't have children was that I still had family and someone else's need for family time wasn't more important than mine.

Are you purposely not reading things properly or just trying to manipulate what was previously said? YOUR post was meant to shame OP, as have all your subsequent posts where you passively aggressively call posters who don't agree with you unfeeling.

Haha!! Big assumption there!

As you will have seen from my posts, I have covered more Christmases for my colleagues than they have for me.

It is very very sad that OP has had 3 miscarriages and if she had a miscarriage near Christmas and said to me 'i don't think I can work this year, I just need to be at home with DH to process this' then I likely would say 'oh my gosh, of course I'll work it for you. You stay home and rest up and spend time with DH', I'll cover the Christmas period.

However, if the next year I had something come up with my children, then I don't think you can keep saying 'but I had miscarriages so you being with your kids isn't fair and makes me feel bad'. That's not to undermine or minimise the horrendous impact of miscarriage. I feel deeply for OP and how difficult it has been for her to go through these experiences.

But I do think there will always be people with greater and lesser need to have Christmas day off and I like to think most colleagues do the decent thing by the people they work with.

Totally unfair, at my DH work if they are working Christmas day then anyone who would like the day off has to then go into a hat for who gets to be off kids or no kids . My DH has missed out on the past and worked but it's got to be fair .

Did you not read the part where it's a new manager who has changed the way they work?

I'll spell it out. New manager has told OP she has to work on Christmas Eve, which is not her working day. New manager has also said that you have to work either Christmas Day OR Boxing Day, except if you have kids and have to have both off.

The worker could have her super speshul magical Christmas Day and work Boxing Day, but nope.

Of course she would feel fine because her colleagues contractual obligations are literally none of her business. Yes, you are shaming and once again a thread from someone having a tough time has been overtaken by a troll without absolutely anything useful to say!

However, if the next year I had something come up with my children, then I don't think you can keep saying 'but I had miscarriages so you being with your kids isn't fair and makes me feel bad'

Wow 😲I really think you need to step away from this thread. I can't imagine how awful the OP must be feeling if she's reading your posts.

Ahhhhhggghj!! How should I communicate my opinions in a way that doesn't offend or sound passive aggressive??? !!

I think sometimes on Mumsnet when someone disagrees with the majority, there is a tendency to pull them apart, claim they are horrible, call them passive aggressive, do whatever they possibly can to make the poster seem awful and to push them off the thread or demonise them, or try and catch them out / twist things etc...

However, I just disagree. I'm not horrible. I haven't intended to be passive aggressive, I haven't intentionally tried to make someone feel guilty or ashamed or whatever!! I just am stating my opinions and these opinions are different from the majority. That's ok! World would be boring if we all thought the same!

Fucking hell. Just fucking hell.

@SleepFinally this is one of those where it's time to log off. You're only digging a bigger hole now

Taken out of context! Did you also read the bits where I said I feel deeply for the OP and would cover her Christmas for her? I guess not!!!

When I managed a 24/7 service I tackled this issue the day I was appointed and made it clear from the start that normal rotas continued over Christmas and New Year, regardless. It is the only fair way as on that basis everyone gets their fair share of Christmas and Boxing days off. All new staff were appointed on that basis. OP it sounds to me that you have a weak manager, can you put in a grievance?

I would just like to clarify the words in bold are a quote from @SleepFinally

If the OP is reading the thread, then I really hope they're ok.

I read the rest. There was absolutely no need to that sentence in any context.

@Whinge I know :)

To make you all happy I'm leaving the thread now so you can all happily agree with each others views without challenge and assume I'm a horrendous plonker!

Shame there is no freedom of speech on Mumsnet anymore and people feel the need to demonise anyone with a different opinion!

But I'll disappear as I seem to be causing distress to people without intending to and I don't want to do that

@boogiewoogie24 ifthis is for real, in your shoes, I'd go GP on 20th or 23rd December and ask to be signed off for 2 weeks due to work stress.

These shift arrangements sound stressful anyway, so you are not even fibbing.

I thought I was having a miscarriage once, thankfully I didn't and my baby was fine but the ten days I went through waiting for a scan to confirm was bloody horrific, I barely left my bed I was inconsolable. I wouldn't
wish it on anyone and not to have any compassion for someone that's been through it multiple times is horrendous. And to basically say well I've got living children to spend Christmas with so you need to stop bringing up your tragedy because it's not my fault is vile. 🙄

You "challenged", people disagreed with, it's a discussion forum.

Disagreement isn't censorship.

So you're saying unless OP has recently had a miscarriage she should work:

Christmas eve - even though it isn't her scheduled day to work anyway.

Christmas Day - fair enough, she should be working one or the other, this or boxing day.

Boxing Day - hang on, she worked Christmas day, so this should be her one day off, why have people with children been given priority over her on this day too, She's already worked Christmas day so they could have it with their family?

Are you genuinely saying if your employer scheduled it this way (not your colleagues asking for favours, that's irrelevant to this situation) that you would happily work all three days without complaint.. genuinely?

Check the company's leave policy for starters.
Sounds clearly like they are contradicting themselves over who is working when!
Put a letter in writing outlining the issues and state you will work your usual shifts, and as one of those falls on Boxing Day, you will not be working Christmas Day as well. As per arrangement, you work one or other day.
Also, if there has been a long standing arrangement that you work one or other day, but not both, they cannot suddenly change the rules.
Other people's personal lives are not your issue. Having children or not is not a good enough reason for deciding who works what shift!
Leave is not being fairly allocated.