Sunburnt on holiday and friend frustrated with me

[tabletopsy]

I am currently on a resort style beach holiday with a friend.

I stupidly got badly sunburnt on the first day, despite applying sun cream. I know I am stupid so please don’t turn this into a lecture on sun protection, I already have a lot of regrets.

It’s still quite painful and red a couple of days later, although I think it’s slowly healing. My feet are the most badly burnt and any significant walking really does hurt. I stayed in the room for a day but now I’m venturing outside to sit covered up in the shade.

My friend is growing increasingly frustrated by me not wanting to do any fun stuff. She wants to go on long beach walks and try out all the water sports activities. I really don’t want to given the pain I’m in and how much of a terrible idea it is for me to go out in the sun again. I am a little upset because this holiday was expensive and I feel like I’ve ruined it for both of us.

AIBU to tell her that she needs to do these activities alone if she wants to do them? I feel bad for abandoning her but I need to put my health and comfort first.

Also if anyone has suggestions for what to do in this scenario, please let me know! Given we’re at a resort, there aren’t many indoor cultural activities (e.g. museums) to fall back on

I’d be lathering on sunblock and a cover up, taking strong painkillers and getting on with the holiday as much as possible, seeking shade where possible but not completely staying indoors. Not surprised she’s pissed off.

I’ve had very bad sunburn and yes it’s super painful to wear clothes or go out, but as a parent of young kids and DH away, I had to just get on with stuff, including outdoor stuff.

I'd be really pissed off too.

But then I have typically Scottish skin which is freckled and pale, and a red headed son who needs to be very careful. I never "sit in the sun" even with sunblock on holiday. Always under an umbrella.

Agree with others that you just have to cover up and try to get on with it. Hiding in your room is spoiling the fun for your friend.

I’d be so annoyed at you.

It sounds to me like getting drunk and being annoyed and expecting sympathy for being hungover.

its fine to suggest she go on her own, but she might not feel comfortable with this and it’s not what’s she’d have expected. She might not feel confident to do it on her own.

Id apologies and plan things for end of week you can do together.

a lot of his have been sunburnt it’s not nice and I do hope you feel better soon x

Can I ask?
Those of you saying that OP should put on sun block, take painkillers and get on with keeping her friend company...are you all so afraid of being alone that you would see a friend struggle in pain rather than do things by yourself?

This. As mentioned before. A grown woman shouldn’t be reliant on someone else for her happiness, especially on holiday when there’s lots of things to see and do, regardless of whether you’re alone or not. And as OP has said, it’s only the start of the holiday - she'll soon be recovered enough to take part.

I knew a woman who did this on her honeymoon. Day one went to beach in South Africa was warned multiple times about the heat, strength of sun but wouldn’t listen and went sunbathing during hottest part of day. Got horribly badly burnt. Two weeks in bed. They separated a few months later. It wasn’t said but I always thought that he couldn’t get over spending all that money and effort to sit in a hotel room watching his new wife she’d layers of sunburn.

I am a little upset because this holiday was expensive and I feel like I’ve ruined it for both of us.

Your friend is very upset and probably quite angry because this holiday was expensive and you've ruined it for her.

There really isn't any excuse these days for getting so badly sunburned you can't walk on the beach. You might find this is the end of your friendship.

i'd be pissed off with you too. how long were you in the sun that you didn't realise you were burning? And yes, i know you don't want lectures but that was so bloody stupid i can't even believe anyone does that now.

Your friend was probably looking forward to doing things with her friend and now has to do them alone. I hope she is giving you the side-eye and guilt tripping you for years (I am petty and vindictive, so that's my vibe, she may be lovely and not do that)

That's not the scenario though, is it? OP and her friend had planned a holiday together and the friend has paid on that basis. The activities they had planned are now off the table because OP was irresponsible and got sunburned. OP's friend managed not to get burned.

Op has therefore ruined their shared plans. It's not that the friend is unable to do things alone, it's because the intention was for them to be shared experiences.

I can see both sides however this happened to me on a holiday once and my feet were so burnt they swelled up like 2 sausages and walking was literally excruciating so you do have my sympathies OP!! The people telling you to essentially just get on with it have no idea.

I don't understand why everyone here is giving you such a hard time, especially having seen your update.

Imo the best thing you can do is say to your friend (kindly and calmly) that you are terribly sorry about your sunburn and that you hope that she will feel free to go do absolutely any activities that she wants to do. You will let her know when you can join and you look forward to hearing about what she gets up to over afternoon drinks in the shade / dinner in the evening.

Exactly.... didn't happen.

I'd be extremely pissed off if I were the friend. Other people's stupidity really irrirates me.

Where do you buy factor 100? I am also very pale and use factor 50 on my face and did not know I can get something stronger. Would like to buy some!

If you can find something like this it’s an absolute godsend for sunburn. It takes the heat out of the burn and contains a mind painkiller which alleviates the stinging. I got burnt (missed a spot 🤦‍♀️) and this really helped. I’m in Oz but I’m sure a local pharmacy would have something similar 👍🏻

I can see why friend is annoyed but nothing can be done about it now. I remember going on holiday as a child to the Caribbean, my parents made me go under a sun bed for weeks before we went (and my DB) because they didn’t want us to burn. We all burnt despite using sun cream and my DB and DF were really unwell for a few days. Luckily we were there for 2 weeks so a few days indoors didn’t really ruin the holiday. You can still go out in the evening and eat out? Make the most of things that are close by and save other things for later in the holiday? (Depending on how long you are there for).

So the friend can either bitch about OP injuring herself for the rest of the holiday, lay a guilt trip and sulk. Or, she can appreciate that shit happens, she’s very fortunate to be where she is, and adjust her plans accordingly.

I know which attitude I would choose to take.

there is no such thing as factor 100

just looked at forecast and gorgeous!! thank you!

Slather your feet in aloe vera, stick on a pair of crocs, some loose clothing, and a hat, order a beer and crack on with the activities your friend wants to do. You’re a couple of days post-sunburn so suck up the discomfort and stop spoiling her holiday.

Same here.

Not really the same thing though. OP was only in the sun half an hour and thought she had on enough protection.

no. half an hour with factor 50? even i, and i burn in a 40 watt bulb normally, wouldn't be that incapacitated by sunburn.

Friend needs to suck it up and do things alone. But she is NBU to be grumpy about it.

you've got a lot of grovelling to do

Mumsnet is full of utterly disgusting people. How do you all manage to have any friends and keep them?

If my friend got badly burnt on holiday (despite applying suncream as OP did) I would be concerned and have sympathy for them. I'd let them rest and get well and get on with enjoying my holiday myself. Because I'm a fully grown functioning adult, not a petulant pouting child.

Au contraire. Have a quick google and you’ll find plenty.