Sunburnt on holiday and friend frustrated with me

[tabletopsy]

I am currently on a resort style beach holiday with a friend.

I stupidly got badly sunburnt on the first day, despite applying sun cream. I know I am stupid so please don’t turn this into a lecture on sun protection, I already have a lot of regrets.

It’s still quite painful and red a couple of days later, although I think it’s slowly healing. My feet are the most badly burnt and any significant walking really does hurt. I stayed in the room for a day but now I’m venturing outside to sit covered up in the shade.

My friend is growing increasingly frustrated by me not wanting to do any fun stuff. She wants to go on long beach walks and try out all the water sports activities. I really don’t want to given the pain I’m in and how much of a terrible idea it is for me to go out in the sun again. I am a little upset because this holiday was expensive and I feel like I’ve ruined it for both of us.

AIBU to tell her that she needs to do these activities alone if she wants to do them? I feel bad for abandoning her but I need to put my health and comfort first.

Also if anyone has suggestions for what to do in this scenario, please let me know! Given we’re at a resort, there aren’t many indoor cultural activities (e.g. museums) to fall back on

I watched my friend apply factor 50 in France (so not even somewhere mega hot) and she still had horrendous sunburn after half an hour. I wasn't pissed off with her at all because that would make me a bit of a dick considering she'd been careful.

I'm one of the lucky ones who never burns even without suncream (I don't tan either, I think I might be a vampire) but I'm not blind to the fact other people burn much easier.

Also, it does take like 15 minutes for sunscreen to be effective. OP may have gone outside and sat around for a short while (say 15 minutes), then applied sunscreen and gotten the worst of the sun during the 30 minutes before it took effect.

It's not the height of responsibility, but also seems surprising and unfair to be burnt to a crisp on that time.

Have you never considered that maybe the locals are more acclimatised and their skin is much more used to the stronger sun?

Exactly @Dramatic

The FDA has long contended that SPF higher than 50 is “inherently misleading.” SPF values are limited to 50+ in most countries. In 2011, the FDA proposed prohibiting labels higher than SPF 50+. But in its 2021 final draft sunscreen order, the agency proposed raising the cap to 60+.

But you know this and presumably don’t sunbathe at all. By that I mean cover up or sit in the shade in a hot country. If you have exceptional issues with the sun the onus is on you to take exceptional precautions.

Burning to the point of incapacitation in 30 minutes whilst wearing factor 50 makes you an outlier and you won’t have become an adult without knowing that. The OP didn’t take the right precautions for her.

Just reiterating the advice of cool showers, aloe vera gel, pain killers and always factor 50plus. A hat and a rashie ( thin tops with a high neck and long sleeves for swimming in) . Avoid 11-2 in the sun. Go somewhere indoors. If you do all this you really can't get sunburnt. Ask your friend to do your back and back of your neck with the suncream, and you are not the first or last to forget their feet. It really should be better tomorrow so hopefully enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Thanks again for all the responses, especially those who have provided kind words of advice and sunburn remedies.

There have been a lot of comments so to summarise some responses:

• As I have mentioned, I sat in the sun for 30 minutes max with factor 50 on. Friend even helped me apply it. I did not lie around for hours with no sun protection. I am not exaggerating at all here. I have never burnt before and didn’t do anything different to usual but obviously made a mistake in underestimating the strength of the sun here
• I hate water sports and made this clear when we booked the holiday. I said I would do a bit if she liked but I also wanted a good portion of the holiday to be lying around relaxing and reading my book, and we both agreed on this type of holiday
• I spent one day in the room / balcony to get over the worst of it, and still went for drinks & dinner in the evening. Now I am going to the beach/pool every day and making sure I am covered up in the shade. I will go with her to any activities but for now, I don’t want to expose myself to more sun which likely means watching on for certain things (I will also look into vests etc.). I have not holed myself up in the room indefinitely
• The burn on my feet is what is making everything so difficult as wearing shoes and walking around is painful
• We are here for another 6 days so I will suggest we plan activities towards the end of the holiday
• I will also apologise profusely but don’t think it’s reasonable for me to refund her trip and she certainly hasn’t suggested this. I am, however, going to keep on buying the drinks as an apology (and sitting at the bar is something I can do at least!)

I am going to switch off from this thread now as to be honest it’s making me feel terrible (which I’m sure many of you will be glad to hear, given I should feel awful for years for this horrific crime). It was ultimately a costly mistake and while I do feel like an idiot for it, I’d rather now focus on making the best out of the holiday and doing as much as I can to make sure both of us have a good time.

Didn't you read this bit: My feet are the most badly burnt and any significant walking really does hurt.

Oh and drink a lot of water. , preferably in a cool bath.

Yes I think switching off from this thread is a very good idea.

I grew up in the 80s, and although I used suncream, clearly not carefully though and so I've been burnt a lot (much better in the last 15 years though). I've had horrific sunburn, huge blisters etc. Very unpleasant and painful, but as a teenager I thought it was just what happened if you were fair. I don't think I ever sat in my room, couldn't do anything etc. Just find what's least painful to wear, try to stick to shade for a few days and crack on.

I don't think she should be annoyed at you for getting sunburnt, but I do think maybe you could take some ibuprofen, slater on chilled aftersun and just plough on with it a bit.

If you’re so sensitive to sun that you burn in 30 mins with factor 50 you need to take different precautions.

It’s annoying - I’m super fair and I only ever sit in the shade - with factor 50 and cover fully if I’m walking or on beach so I get it but it’s crazy to sit in sun and think you won’t burn if you’re someone who requires factor 50.

Everybody forgets to put sunscreen on their feet unless they live in a hot country so don't worry about that. Putting them in a bucket of cool water ( or a bath like I said) will help. Slather with aloe vera gel ( can get in any chemist) and then at night slather with sorbolene. You poor dear. How annoying when you are on holiday.

@tabletopsy take care, don’t take any notice of the comments, who would be annoyed!
Stay in the shade, if your friend doesn’t understand, she’s not much of a friend.

Prostrate yourself with apologies or you may lose a friend

I'd rather lose someone that have to prostrate myself to them for something that I didn't even do deliberately.

She's being a complete dick. You didn't do it on purpose, you're already suffering and missing out on your holiday, and, unless you're being a dick about her going off on her own there's absolutely nothing to stop her doing any of the activities. Encourage her to go off on her own and I'd be re-evaluating the friendship with her if she hasn't actually been sympathetic.

Would you even have wanted to do everything she wants to do anyway or did you want to relax and read /laze by the pool? Does she just always think you should be doing what she wants to do?

That said, once your feet have recovered enough for you to be able to walk without pain don't let the sunshine stop you from doing things - if you want to do them - just cover up with a long sleeved top, trousers, hat and slather the highest factor you can get on an any remaining exposed skin (before you go out). As someone who burns easily I always wear a long sleeved t-shirt to swim in and would happily add leggings if I'd burned my legs.

It is just a bit shit for both of you so I can understand why she's feeling a bit frustrated, especially if this cost a lot of money and now all the stuff you'd planned to do isn't going to happen. Not really any solution to it now, it's just a shitty situation. Maybe she can try to find some people on the resort she can team up with to do some stuff instead.

Ouch! I burnt my insteps in Thailand many years ago and walking hurt so much for several days. The people suggesting the you just cover up and go for a walk obviously have never burnt any part of their feet including the top - literally every step makes you feel like your skin is vibrating and yet also really tight. It's agony.

I think the friend is being unreasonable and wimpy - the fact that she is afraid of doing activities on her own isn't your problem, assuming you're not trying to make her stay in with you instead of doing them.

I got really badly burned the day after a hammam in Morocco some years back, despite applying factor 30+ regularly. It was unbelievably painful, particularly as it blistered and I needed to be under a cold shower frequently and taking high doses of painkillers. I had a day of that and then was able to do other things for the rest of the trip.

How long do you have left, and can you accelerate your recovery with anti inflammatories, cool water and drinking plenty of water?

I don’t think you did make a mistake OP, you were only out 30 mins with high protection on. I mean with hindsight it was a mistake as that clearly wasn’t enough for you in those conditions, but many people would have reasonably assumed it would be ok.

Also you are doing quite a lot still not just hiding out, so I think if she makes too much fuss then she is being a bit unkind.

Yes I have. Multiple times!

Feet are painful but not as bad IMO as the back of your knees and a few other places.

The OP either needs to wear shoes like flip flops with as little contact with the sunburn as possible, or wear socks (for padding) and trainers, which will hurt initially, but can be done up so theres no movement, reducing friction.

“I stupidly got badly sunburnt on the first day, despite applying sun cream.”

I don’t think it works that way! It wound be useful if it did. Unfortunately evolution takes a little longer to it’s magic…

I think it it about how much cream you put on but also not thinking “just because I put sun cream on means I can sit out in the sun in the middle of the day”.