To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

[NightFeeds]

That’s it really. Life feels like it is ruled by DH needing 9 hours sleep a night to function. No time for downtime after DC bedtime as it’s then his bedtime. Any disturbances and he’s ruined for days. I can’t compute but realise I’m probably being horrible and this is just a normal need I need to be more respectful of. I’d like to know what is considered normal by others

OP, the normal range of sleep requirement is 6 to ten hours. Some people need 6, some need ten.

People can't help how much sleep they can function on. Its not a choice.

I need 9 to 10 hours a night and its shit. Really shit. I'd love to have the extra two to three hours in my day that many other people have. It would honestly transform my life in so many ways. If I had a magic wand and three wishes, needing only 7 hours sleep a night would be one of my wishes.

Why does he get up so early?

Does he tell you the house has to be quiet as he's in bed?

He can go to bed but you watch TV or do what you want. Can you go out with mates and he's in to cover if baby wakes?

I think needing lots of sleep is fine, being precious and trying to dictate your partner's life to fit around your sleep needs isn't. You don't need a silent house to sleep. He should get ear plugs and an eye mask, white noise machine etc.

He should also do his share of night wakes.

But she does feel hard done by, that's the whole point of the thread.

It's not being a good parent to opt out of life after 9pm everyday, to refuse to do the night wakings and to never, ever spend any quality time with your partner because you'd rather be asleep.

Maybe some posters here would be happy to sit by themselves every night while their partner snores away upstairs, but most people get into relationships because they enjoy spending time together and they don't went to spend their nights alone and on "parent duty" because their partner can't be bothered.

My partner was the same (for decades) until he gave up caffeine. The difference is extraordinary.

Or maybe every now and again throw caution to the wind and say “Yes, let’s watch the latest episode of Line of Duty, won’t finish till 9:45 but I’ll manage”.

Oooh, nearly had a nasty coffee-meets-computer moment there. Love it @HotCrossBunplease (And I'll have one of those, too)

The point of the thread is that she feels hard done by about their time together, not his parenting though....

I doubt any working adult gets nine hours sleep a night but many would like it. I love my sleep and hate early mornings but got used to going to bed around 11pm getting up at 7am for many years. You just do. We always had a lie in at weekends. Now I am old I sleep far less and that's a pain.

i don't, single Mom.

The main source of frustration for me is DH acts like he wants downtime he will ask for dessert or a glass of wine and pop the TV on and I will be lulled into chilling out and then 10 minutes later he will snap it off and be like “bedtime!”. Feels like a waste of money and calories to have a treat just to gobble it and fall asleep near instantly afterwards. I think I will learn to sit these out and just go read a book elsewhere or something.“

Or don’t eat the pudding, drink the wine and insist you watch something on TV you can continue after he’s gone to bed. Then he’s fitting in with you a bit more.

You can’t change him but there’s nothing to stop you having a nice evening and then going to bed at 11 or whatever.

Is it actually 9 hours of solid sleep though?

I used to think I got a ridiculous amount of sleep because of the hours I was in bed but when I got a smart watch that tracks my sleep I realised to get 7-8 hours sleep a night I actually have to be in bed for around 9 hours to allow for getting to sleep and then disturbances in the night.

If he was going to bed at 10.30 & getting up at 7.30 it probably wouldn't raise a comment!

Regularly getting up at 6.15 would really take its toll on me I think.

I'm more of a midnight to 8/8.30!

Of course. I did. It's not the topic?

I need 9 hrs

Why does he turn the tv off and make the announcement that it’s time for bed.

That comes across as controlling.

Have you ever said Night night and turned the tv back on.

Why does his need for sleep impact your need to relax. Why does his need for sleep mean it is always you who gets up if 3 year old wakes during the night

What is going to happen to him when dc become older and are wide awake at 9pm and don’t want to go to bed till 10.30pm or later

Unless everyone in the household is like him then this need to go to bed at 9pm and have everyone in the household be silent is not compatible with family life

I think when considering marriage or a ltr there are a few things you need to be compatible with and one of those is sleep schedules. If one person is going to bed at 9pm then that leaves the other on their own for several hours each night.

What would happen when the dc are older if you started going out. Meeting friends etc Would he be happy or will he expect you to stay in every night

I will give you one warning. Things will get worse the older he gets. Friends dh is now retired and his sleep schedule means he is in bed by 6pm. His dw has her own social life and a life he thinks he knows about. But he actually knows nothing about

She fell out of love with him years ago because he just was never around and when he was his need for sleep dominated any planning

Autoimmune here and I know the GP would be able to do nothing for it.

But I've been like it all my life and it is honestly one of the reasons I chose to not have children.

insufficient sleep has been proven to have long-term health effects - heightened risk of cancer and dementia to name just two (see Margaret Thatcher and her four hours a night). Not to mention the risk, to yourself and others, of driving like that (I can identify with the struggling to speak, and have broken and set things on fire after poor sleep).

I would LOVE to be able to get by on less! I have TRIED. I'd love more energy and more hours in my day! People who say you can 'train' yourself to need less, please try getting two or three hours less than your normal - see how you feel after a week of that.

I have an 11 month old baby that doesn't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. Atm much less. I'm on over a week of 4 hours broken sleep a night and I'm back at work. Not sure how I'm functioning but I have to!

@Icanttakethisanymore but it's all connected because part of being a good parent is also being a good partner.

If you choose to prioritise nine hours of uninterrupted sleep a night over everything else, you're basically saying that your partners sleep doesn't matter, that their wants and needs in a relationship don't matter and that it's all about you. It's selfish.

@NightFeeds so he goes to bed at 9pm, what do you do?

iPad or Tablet. I'm lucky that DH can sleep if I have a light on to read an actual book, but I try to be accommodating and use my Tablet. Local library has many electronic books and I have Kindle as well. Does mean the books I had for Christmas last year and my birthday are still stacked up waiting to be read😂

I can never manage more than 6, would love 9 but my brain has other ideas. I've come to terms with the fact I'll probably die young because I've missed out on so much sleep over my life 😂

I guess I’d rather spend less time with a person who has had enough sleep than more time with a sleep deprived person. The fact it’s 9 hours is a bit incidental, if he is being genuine about his requirements and how he feels when he has less.

@Areolaborealis

We don't. Its a nuisance but sleep takes priority because being extremely tired is as unpleasant as being unwell. I sleep 9+ hours and it really limits my ability to enjoy evening activities. The kids want to go to clubs but they don't finish until 8pm which is just far too late for us when we need to get up at 6:30am for school.

I’m sorry, you are stopping your kids going to clubs because you want to sleep?

You are teaching your kids that being in bed doing nothing takes priority over doing things that enrich their lives. Don’t you think one night of broken or less than optimal sleep might be a reasonable price to pay? Can’t you just suck it up for their benefit?

I'm with you, @Honestandkind . A lot of the time I get my chores and my work done, and that's it - no time left for me. And that can really grind you down and suck the joy out of life... 😔

9 is optimum for me, however I have two young kids so I don’t get anywhere near that and I still manage to function (well, because I have to!)

Dh naturally needs much less sleep than I do, it differs from person to person.
i also prioritise having some of evening time to spend with DH as I think that’s important- perhaps that’s what’s annoying you most?

I'm nd and if I don't sleep, it all goes to shit. I cannot function or concentrate well.