to die on this particular hill? (nits)

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

DD’s class/school is a nitfest, has been since reception. I did the research, bought the Hedrin/Vosene/NitNot/NitWit/cheap conditioner/Derbac/Vamoose/Full Marks/various combs and check or treat her hair as needed, probably spending an hour a fortnight on average over the past four years.

DH was horrified at this being a thing - he reckons that in his (Soviet) childhood anyone with nits would be sent home and not allowed back to school until they were clear. He also moaned endlessly about the fact of us (me) having to do the treatments/checks, how greasy the treatment leaves the bathtub, anything really. Which was galling since he did fuck all, but there we are.

DH had one job (eagle eyed readers may see where this is going) - tie up DD’s hair before school and spray the peppermint thing that does actually seem to have some deterrent effect, on the two days I go to work early. He doesn’t do this consistently, hardly ever actually. I have reminded him x times.

I checked DD this weekend, found nits, did the whole shebang. DH was napping at the time I think. Later I told him for the nth time that this is incredibly frustrating, and he needs to do the two things that actually seem to make a difference when I am not there. I threatened to stop managing the rest of the process if he didn’t since I am basically wasting my time.

Yesterday for irrelevant reasons DD was off school first thing; he dropped her at my work for me to take her to an appointment and then school later. Were the things done? Nope. I’d even left the bloody spray on the breakfast table so it was in sight.

I rang him up; I let him know that I was dropping the rope on nits. He could manage them, or not, but I am out. Cue lots of frothing and anger and I can’t do this/he can’t do this.

I have every intention of sticking to my guns on this. Aibu?

Stick to your guns - but ensure he actually treats your child's hair or she suffers.
Might make him remember next time.

I agree with you. If his reluctance to do s little chore creates s huge chore for you he should take over the entire chore.

I agree with you but he won't carry through with the treatment and they your dd suffers. I would be more tempted to stop doing something that is beneficial to him, his washing, ironing etc. Don't involve your dd, it's not fair. Her welfare is priority.

Stick to your guns, a long as its not your dd who suffers.

What is the peppermint spray that works? Youngest child's class is a nit fest too..

What year is she? Can she not tie her own hair up? I was putting my hair in a high ponytail at 6.

The nits aren’t the problem the lazy man child is. By exposing her to nits he is abusing her. I spent years battling my daughters nits until I discovered her best friends parents didn’t bother. I told them it was child abuse and she had a haircut and no nits by Monday morning. Fucking awful thing to allow to happen to your kid.

Y3. She’s not brilliant at it; she’ll tie it up in a way that guarantees it’ll fall out within the hour/during PE.

lice seem to be repelled by the smell of peppermint. Anecdotally when we have had her hair up and the spray in she’s gone longer between catching them again, so (for us anyway) it seems to have an effect.

Don't be so fucking ridiculous.

Lazy manchild yes.

He's 'abusing her?' - absolutely not. And your comments are a downright insult to anyone that's ACTUALLY suffered abuse.

Your kids friends parents must have thought you were an absolute loon.

I got accused of abuse on MN by suggesting that, instead of giving DD all 25 presents from kids at her birthday party at once, I would phase them over a few days so she could pick a few to open per day.

OP, it’s a hard one. I totally see where you’re coming from but, frustrating as it is, I think I’d probably end up carrying on with gritted teeth, mainly because it impacts your DD and it’s not her fight (and at 6, she can’t really take on the responsibility herself), and also, in our house, DD + nits = me + nits, and I swear I can feel the little blighters walking over my head, so that would probably change my mind about dying on that particular hill.

Hmm there’s an issue with the class here that school need to be on top of - namely that most likely a parent (if not more than one ) aren’t treating their kids hair so it keeps coming back around.
I’d agree to stop doing it as long as he will actually do it.

Can you put her hair up in a bun and maybe leave the spray by the front door and show her how to do it? Could she spray it on her hands and smooth it over or does it need to be during the brushing process? I have boys so we’ve never had nits but I sympathise as treating worms with all the associated washing was a pain and I would be very irritated if DH hadn’t been on board.

It's the vosene spray where i religiously spray ds's hair and coat hood every morning. Reception class last year was also a nit fest but the spray has helped us and the nits have given us a wide berth instead of colonising ds's hair.

Don't be so ridiculous.

I agree that not treating nits is neglectful. But "exposing a child to nits" is not abuse.

OP, you're not wrong. But ultimately I imagine it will end with you doing it anyway because I imagine he knows that if he doesn't, you will.

Also op spray it before you leave for work without telling him and continue to remind him, the spray smell won't fade anyway. I know it's annoying and frustrating that your DH isn't doing enough to help with the treatment but I won't be taking any risks.

Does an electric nit comb still work? I got rid of them with one years ago

Stop something that affects him. Cooking for him, laundry whatever,

My DD literally started pulling out her hair with nits, wouldn't risk your DD suffering

Well he's not going to do it is he? He can't even spray her hair so no chance he will deal with actual nits. He sounds useless. When DD was younger I used to french plait her hair before bed &, spray with hairspray & it stayed in no problem. Is that an option? We could sometimes get 2 days out of it & the hairspray seemed to work as a deterrent. She could also then spray the peppermint on top & would be sorted for school. Cut out the middle man - he's useless because it's not important to him. You'll only be making your own life harder & your DDs.

I don't think the OP's problem is getting rid of them, it's because parents in the class aren't treating so the DD keeps getting them back. So the preventative measures are important because it minimises the number of times the DD catches them and the amount of time OP has to spend treating her.

I have 2 DDs, with a big age gap. DD1 never had head lice. DD2 was constantly infested. DD1 had fine hair, DD2 had tons of thick hair so lice were able to hide out easily and avoid the comb!
My MO was to sit her in front of the TV with snacks when she came home from school, have the nit comb, conditioner, kitchen roll and water spray at the ready. I’d comb through her pony tail before taking the elastic off, then nit comb at the relays, whip off the elastic and head straight for the scalp where her elastic had been sitting-you could see the little bastards scurrying away! I’d spend 30 mins every day, spray diluted conditioner, comb through, count the lice (she loved this bit 😂) and tie back up.
If you can see white eggs, that shows that the lice have hatched. Unhatched eggs are dark and found right next to the scalp. I’d pull these off with my nails.
I also sprayed tea tree on her head each morning, but I’m not convinced it did much TBH.

He sounds like a useless arse, but you can’t leave your child to suffer because her dad is shit and you’re (rightly) pissed off with him.

He isn’t taking care of his children, I wouldn’t stay with a man who didn’t do basic care needs for his children because it shows what a disgusting person he is.

She just needs to practice so focusing on getting her to a place where she can do this competently for herself will solve a lot of problems. In the meantime she could at least spray her own hair which will be better than nothing. Is there no way you could for example plait her hair before bed the night before your 2 early start days so all she needs to do is spray in the morning as a stop gap?

The thing is, it’s impossible to say that it’s because someone else isn’t treating their child. It could just be that the OP is missing a couple of lice or unhatched eggs whilst treating her child so she’s never actually eradicating the whole infestation.

DH aside...can I just say that we had a problem at our school and the school sent every child home with a nit comb and printed instructions of how to check and deal with it with conditioner. It's almost completely sorted the issue out. It's clearly causing tension with DH, life is literally too short. I would be pressing the school to step up...those nit combs can be bought 2 for 69p in Savers. That's £10 per class.

Appreciate Savers may not have the supply...but just to highlight it wouldn't cost the school to step up to address what is likely an infestation...they have a duty of care.