to die on this particular hill? (nits)

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

DD’s class/school is a nitfest, has been since reception. I did the research, bought the Hedrin/Vosene/NitNot/NitWit/cheap conditioner/Derbac/Vamoose/Full Marks/various combs and check or treat her hair as needed, probably spending an hour a fortnight on average over the past four years.

DH was horrified at this being a thing - he reckons that in his (Soviet) childhood anyone with nits would be sent home and not allowed back to school until they were clear. He also moaned endlessly about the fact of us (me) having to do the treatments/checks, how greasy the treatment leaves the bathtub, anything really. Which was galling since he did fuck all, but there we are.

DH had one job (eagle eyed readers may see where this is going) - tie up DD’s hair before school and spray the peppermint thing that does actually seem to have some deterrent effect, on the two days I go to work early. He doesn’t do this consistently, hardly ever actually. I have reminded him x times.

I checked DD this weekend, found nits, did the whole shebang. DH was napping at the time I think. Later I told him for the nth time that this is incredibly frustrating, and he needs to do the two things that actually seem to make a difference when I am not there. I threatened to stop managing the rest of the process if he didn’t since I am basically wasting my time.

Yesterday for irrelevant reasons DD was off school first thing; he dropped her at my work for me to take her to an appointment and then school later. Were the things done? Nope. I’d even left the bloody spray on the breakfast table so it was in sight.

I rang him up; I let him know that I was dropping the rope on nits. He could manage them, or not, but I am out. Cue lots of frothing and anger and I can’t do this/he can’t do this.

I have every intention of sticking to my guns on this. Aibu?

@RockahulaRocks I did the same this week and thought I was a genius. Thus I think you are a genius. DS didn't mind either. Parents on here can be weird about some things- and it's always a surprise to me when something small be

Becomes a bun fight

OP you can't neglect your child and leave her with nits just to spite your H. Its not her fault she has a useless father. Id stop doing something else important for him, tell him you dont have time to cook / clean / do his washing for him because you've been so busy treating DDs hair.
It might be time to get your DD to start doing her own hair though, shes year 3 so old enough to learn a simple pony tail or bun, and surely she can spray her own hair in a morning? Id also raise with the school every time she gets them.
But yeah, your H is a crap partner and father, if he can't perform a simple task twice a week to help out his DD and prevent her getting nits. This would make me question other areas of the relationship and how much does he actually do to help!

I think it's to do with not shaming particular children who always seem to be the ones who have a bad problem - often related to less than ideal parenting. (Obviously I'm not saying it's always the parents' fault if their children have nits). But some children from homes where hygiene standards are maybe a bit lower always seem to be the source. You can have a bit free summer holiday, back to school and hey ho, nits again.

A friend (community nurse) begged teachers to let her come into school to treat a particular child but of course they couldn't allow this. So the cycle continued.

I don’t know anyone who has ever had nits. We got an email home once in Kindy that someone in the class had them and we all had to check and my kids are now in year 7 and 9 and have never had them. They’re just not common here in Aus. I’ve literally never heard a parent ever mention them here.

Lol. I used to teach in Australia. The prevalence of headlice in Australian primary schools is 60% and studies show that 1 in 4 primary aged kids in Australia will currently have headlice.

So, no.

I’m in Australia and I have to say that my older two who are in primary school have never ever had them. My younger one has had them twice but we suspect cousins are as likely to be the cause as kids at childcare, apparently the out of town cousins have brought lice in a few times.

I'm confused about what the school must be doing if children are repeatedly catching lice at such small intervals. Lice crawl from head to head, they don't jump... So unless your DD is constantly putting heads together with other children, I don't see how she'd catch it again and again and again? Maybe try the manual method of removal rather than all the sprays etc? Every day after school wash her hair with conditioner and just brush it through, remove what you can... Then same again the next day. Then once the lice have gone, make a routine of doing this every week on a particular day. Plus you'll save money on not buying all the sprays and products.

My son caught head lice twice and I have no idea how, as his hair is so short - but my conclusion was that he must've been playing close heads with a friend who hadn't been treating them!

I'm confused about what the school must be doing if children are repeatedly catching lice at such small intervals.

I told DD off the other day because she was in a classroom photo with her head glued to another kid’s. And actually most of their “look at what we’ve been up to today” pics are like that. She told me that that’s how the teacher asked them to pose. I’ve had a polite word.

That was in reply to @CableCar , sorry

OP, yanbu.
What a complete tosser.

I found smothering the hair in cheap conditioner and wrapping the head tight in a bag, then leaving for an hour, worked brilliantly with the nitty gritty comb.

I mixed tea tree oil with water and sprayed her head and shoulders.

I also bought 6-8inch wide hairbands which covered the top of her head completely and did a plait.

It worked.

The reason lice/nits keep reoccurring is parents aren’t checking & fully treating their kids.

The store bought “full marks” treatments are very effective, if done correctly and repeated at correct interval.

The conditioner and comb isn’t as effective. The home recipes not as effective.

There is a lot is actual science research on the olive oil, conditioner, mouthwash, tea tree, electric comb treatments … they don’t work as well as the 15 minute spray/lotion & comb.

She told me that that’s how the teacher asked them to pose

Unbelievable.

Also - did I read right that your husband said he couldn’t do it? What possible excuse did he come up with for that, assuming he is able to wash, dress, feed himself and hold down a job? How is he not able to tie a child’s hair up and use a spray bottle?

Realistically when nuts are around, you’ve got to comb long hair weekly to check. That way you can spot it early. Tying hair up is a basic for school though- ours just doesn’t allow hair down. Id tackle the hair issue with your husband first. Mine is still a bit shit but can do a passable ballet bun now because I refused to always be responsible for hair in a house with girls.

I’m not quite sure what you’re saying “no” to. I don’t know anyone who has had nits. Maybe I’m just lucky and have been in classes where no child has ever had them (as they tell us when a child has them). Maybe you were unlucky and had children in your class who did have them. But I haven’t. So no need for the “no” because it’s a personal anecdote.

You said "they're just not common here in Aus". As you can see from the statistics ( provided by the Australian government) they are in fact common.

So... no.

And you definitely know people who have had nits.

Our school advise that if a child has nits the whole household has to do treatment. Could you do this and make husband also treat himself if daughter gets them?

I had the same problem with DD , nits seemed to love her white blonde waves. For us using tea tree oil shampoo and conditioner and an electric comb worked. I suspect the tea tree oil works like peppermint as they're similar smells.

By Y3 she should be doing her own hair.

No they do not. It's up to the parents to look after their children's hair.

Your medal for an outstanding contribution to this thread is in the post.

I was going to say similar to this.

Once a week (on a Sunday evening) I section off DD's hair and then - section by section - slather it in cheap conditioner and comb it through with the Nitty Gritty comb. Takes about ten minutes while the bath is running even with her very long hair and she's never had nits, neither have any of my older DC, because it pulls out any eggs before they get a chance to hatch. She then hops in the bath straight after and washes the conditioner out.

You don't need a special spray, DD doesn't even tie her hair up some days, and you don't need this level of angst about it.

Year 3 is 7-8 years old. I work in education and I can tell you that very few of them are doing their own hair. They can brush it and do a rudimentary hairstyle, some can even plait their friends' hair, but a proper, neat/tidy hairstyle (or plaiting their own hair) is an emerging skill at this age rather than an expected one.

Brushing, yes. Styling, closer to the 9-12 age range as it relies on a level of manual dexterity and fine motor processing skills that most 7-8 year olds are still developing.

lol. I don’t know anyone who has had them. No one in any of my kids classes has had them. I’m sure there are Australian children who have had them. I just don’t know them.
In the U.K. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had them.
These are personal anecdotes, not data 😂

Do this:

1. Buy Full Marks Spray (or store brand dupe). It’s not a noxious chemical
2. Read instructions & read again/ watch video
3. Treat child per instructions
4. Repeat in X days per instructions to kill the babies that have hatched from eggs missed.

Check child weekly. Because other parents won’t bother to check, treat or repeat. It’s you against 20 other parents and big % who don’t bother. Perfectly nice people who think nits&lice aren’t happening to their kids. Oh, I just spritz tea tree … such losers.