to die on this particular hill? (nits)

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

DD’s class/school is a nitfest, has been since reception. I did the research, bought the Hedrin/Vosene/NitNot/NitWit/cheap conditioner/Derbac/Vamoose/Full Marks/various combs and check or treat her hair as needed, probably spending an hour a fortnight on average over the past four years.

DH was horrified at this being a thing - he reckons that in his (Soviet) childhood anyone with nits would be sent home and not allowed back to school until they were clear. He also moaned endlessly about the fact of us (me) having to do the treatments/checks, how greasy the treatment leaves the bathtub, anything really. Which was galling since he did fuck all, but there we are.

DH had one job (eagle eyed readers may see where this is going) - tie up DD’s hair before school and spray the peppermint thing that does actually seem to have some deterrent effect, on the two days I go to work early. He doesn’t do this consistently, hardly ever actually. I have reminded him x times.

I checked DD this weekend, found nits, did the whole shebang. DH was napping at the time I think. Later I told him for the nth time that this is incredibly frustrating, and he needs to do the two things that actually seem to make a difference when I am not there. I threatened to stop managing the rest of the process if he didn’t since I am basically wasting my time.

Yesterday for irrelevant reasons DD was off school first thing; he dropped her at my work for me to take her to an appointment and then school later. Were the things done? Nope. I’d even left the bloody spray on the breakfast table so it was in sight.

I rang him up; I let him know that I was dropping the rope on nits. He could manage them, or not, but I am out. Cue lots of frothing and anger and I can’t do this/he can’t do this.

I have every intention of sticking to my guns on this. Aibu?

My school used to sell the combs for 20p but, even if you give them away, you can't force people to use them or to treat the whole family.

Yes ~ allowing your child to keep their nits is abuse. I've had them myself (I lived alone at the time, had nobody to comb out the bits I couldn't see) and the itch drove me crazy and prevented proper sleep. I managed not to scratch when awake but raked my head raw at night. Anyone who isn't bothered by their child having nits is an abuser. And it won't just be nits, will it? Worms, anyone? And how likely is it that such parents will ensure their child's teeth are clean? If they don't care about nits then they don't care about the welfare of their child.

Are nits actually attracted to clean hair or is that something teachers say to prevent unclean neglected kids being bullied?

Be careful what you wish for OP. I have a friend who was out one evening. Her DH was a good dad always happy to pull his weight. Anyway doing bath time that night he discovered his DD had nits for the first time and promptly got the hair clippers out as that was how his nits were treated.

No but most people are conscientious, and genuinely aren't aware of the issue, live busy lives, have boys with short hair and think it doesn't affect them...raising awareness and makes a huge difference. As many have said it's neglectful if they're aware of it and do nothing about it but we have to believe this is a very small minority...most of the time it's not at the forefront of people's minds or think it won't happen to their child...this isn't neglectful it's just a natural consequence of people not really thinking about it or knowing what to look for.

It's a myth that's been peddled for years.

I thought most people knew nowadays that head lice don't have a preference.

It's a myth.

Most people are conscientious but it only takes one in a class who isn't and they are an eternal problem.

We used to run special sessions on treating headlice. Guess who came - the people who didn't need to.

An hour once a fortnight won't rid nits. You need to comb throughly every couple of days for a good 3 weeks to ensure you catch everythinh hatching from eggs or it could be your DD spreading them.

Can you cut her hair to shoulder length, plait it tightlu every day or put it in a bun.

@TheWayTheLightFalls Get a nitty gritty comb. Honestly life changing & worth every penny. The wee blighters become immune to the treatments but this actually works and prevents.

Your DH aside the school need to do more. To be treating with this level of regularity is absolutely ridiculous. If there is a parent willingly not sorting out their kids nits, then the school should be reporting them to SS - as this is neglect and abuse. I'd be raising it with the school head and governors.

We have one. It’s great, but then I send her back in to school and quite soon find lice again.

@PerditaLaChien ”probably spending an hour a fortnight on average over the past four years” doesn’t mean I’m doing it once a fortnight.

The solution to this sort of thing is to make sure the lazy parent is inconvenienced by their lack of action. He's not arsed at the moment because DD getting nits again isn't really his problem. Needs to become so.

Pressed send before finishing there. So no, yanbu!

We have given up. I de-nit them at the end of each half term as there is no point during term time.

Also, we need to bring back the nit nurse in schools.

I actually do think it's neglect to not treat headlice and just let them breed and multiply on your child's head. It would lead me to question whether a child was being neglected in other ways as well.

@GrowsomeballswomanWell bully for you! My almost 10yr old still can’t tie a ponytail of any height. Not all children are the same!

@HildaHosmedeIn the USA, a young girl DIED from untreated nits. Thousands more have been removed from their family on grounds of neglect, purely due to untreated nits being so bad that the children had to be put under general anaesthetic and had their head shaved (chronic untreated nits causes hair to Matt which is excruciatingly painful to shave off)

No you can't neglect your child to spite your husband. But I would stop doing anything you do for him if he can't do this one thing for you/your child.
I'd complain to school everytime you find lice too, there's a kid in that class that's the source and their parents need talking to

@HildaHosmede https://www.kold.com/2024/02/09/mother-tucson-girl-who-died-lice-infestation-sentenced/

No, fair enough. I was thinking mor of electric combing every night too maybe?

For those spitting feathers, ignoring head lice infestation IS a sign of abuse:

https://archive.reading.ac.uk/news-events/2018/December/pr790305.html

Professionals working in schools should be aware that a “Severe and Persistent Infestation” of head lice or 'nits' (NICE, 2016) could be an indicator of serious welfare concerns for children and young people. This was evidenced in a past Serious Case Review in Northamptonshire.

www.northamptonshirescb.org.uk/schools/safeguarding-themes/head-lice-infestation-guidance-schools/

Also wash her hair in a tea tree shampoo. Teach her how to tie her hair up and spray it herself as a fallback.
What is the school doing about this? And just wait - one day you'll have them too (annoyingly post adolescent males are often immune to getting nits).

If OP thinks her DH is child abuser, then you are too. Allowing spread …