My fault for DH having a bad day

[Wowjustwow88]

Dh is going away on Friday for a trip with a mate. He's not the best traveller and as usual has left packing and sorting stuff out to the last minute so is on edge but not sure that's my fault

For context when we go away, I'm the one who sorts out the plans, passports, money etc, I think this is the first time since we have been together (19 years) he has been abroad without me (where as I go abroad for work a lot) I have sorted adaptors, insurance etc for him.

Today he wanted to take youngest to soft play to spend some time with him before he goes. That's fine. I booked it for him. I forgot that the place only takes cash so messaged him just before to tell him. Dh annoyed but it is what it is.

Dh picked youngestbuo from nursery after he finished work (3 ish - I'm still wfh) and the nappies and wipes I'd put in his bag this morning have been used so he rings me (while I'm on a call, which i have to drop off of) moaning no stuff in the bag and when I say oh there was this morning, that's me being defensive

Anyway he nips home (nursery is 1 min car journey away) and I've put together some wipes etc, sarcastic remark about me being able to leave my desk for longer than 10 seconds to help and off they go

Dh then goes to get cash out- machine swallows his card. Apparently my fault for not remembering earlier that he needed cash. Has another card he can use so not the end of the world.

Dh then starts to pack to go away, some of his clothes still on the airer drying. My fault for not being able to dry then quicker and the fact he has to wait another day.

Why on earth are you treating him like a child?

All of the things you've listed he should have done, and you had no need to do.

He has told me he would rather that I was average at my job and a better wife to him as he thinks i neglect him as I work 5 days a week 9-5

This tells you everything you need to know about how he views women and their role in relationships/society.

I don't think I'd be able to get past a comment like this.

How did he manage life before he met you??

sarcastic remark about me being able to leave my desk for longer than 10 seconds to help
Does he want you to not work? I'm presuming he is a high earner then, in which case he can afford to pay for a personal assistant and housekeeper.
Otherwise, he should be doing his own organising including packing wipes and nappies, his own washing and packing his own bag.
He's treating you like a servant and isn't even grateful to you!

Just seen your update:
I enjoy my job where as he does a job just to earn a salary. I am genuinely in a role I have always wanted and am excelling in. He has told me he would rather that I was average at my job and a better wife to him as he thinks i neglect him as I work 5 days a week 9-5

This is crazy, he actually does expect you to be at his beck and call.
He doesn't respect you as an equal, I really couldn't stay with someone who showed me this amount of disrespect and entitlement. Op you deserve better.

How does he stand upright on his own. He seems bloody useless. You need to stop doing everything for him

Tell him to do his own bloody washing! You're not his mother and you're busy working! Honestly, he sounds useless and entitled 😡

This is incredibly sad to read. Just more toxic men expecting women to literally do it all. Stop doing things for him. He can do his laundry, he can book the kids clubs. He is using weaponised incompetence. Makes me sick men like that.

Never give up your job.

That would be the last time I do any of his washing. What does he bring to your relationship. Honestly he sounds awful and as your in a good position work wise I'd be thinking about long term plans to leave if he doesn't start doing his fair share of the mental load and his own washing!

I'm another one bemused as to why you would be so desperate to pack 3 days in advance as to grumble about the washing not being dry!! I thought I was doing well getting all the washing done yesterday, I'm reading this instead of packing now. I'm on a coach early in the morning to get to the Eurostar.

Hmm.. . must go and check the clothes airers ...

You wouldn’t put up with your employer, who is paying you, treating you like this. Why put up with it from your H?

That's the thing with man children, they moan about you working so that you don't have time to look after their every need. But they never moan about the money you earn.

What are his good points as I am failing to see any?

I'd wait until he packs everything and put several shitty nappies in his case ..It will suit his shitty attitude. Fuck that now, are you paid to be his skivvy? He would still be looking for his teeth if I owned him , utter tosser. I am sorry OP, you do not deserve that

He's given me the ick and I've never met the bloke.

Strategic uselessness.

This is ridiculous. He needs to learn to act like and adult and fend for himself sharpish.

He's pathetic stop answering his calls when you're at work and let him problem solve like every other parent has to

He has told me he would rather that I was average at my job and a better wife to him as he thinks i neglect him as I work 5 days a week 9-5

Yeah. Drop the rope.

He resents her like a preteen with attitude resents their mum

Tell him that he’s stopped thinking for himself and started to simply assume that you’ll take care of every bit of admin and organisation for him. This assumption is complacent and makes him seem like a dependent child rather than a functioning adult. Honestly, him not even having cash and clothes ready without grumbling reminds me of a little boy who needs mummy to make his packed lunch and polish his school shoes. You work full time. Tell the idle sod to do his own laundry in future.

Honestly it sounds like you’re be far to nice to him.

The next time he pulls a ‘you should have told me’ line agree and respond with. “You’re right, I am clearly not up to job of giving you all the details about (whatever). Thanks for taking that on from now on.”

Then drop the discussion… it will fall on the ground and then you remind him you put him in charge and again drop the discussion.

If he brings up the “but your work is getting in the way” reply with “Non-negotiable… I love my work and you’ll just have to pick up the slack”

Mine, who is otherwise great sometimes comes out of left field with a question I’m supposed to know somehow… Like when does some random store close. Since he’s usually great I respond with humor “If only there was a magic box that fits in your hand that you can do things like make calls, set reminders, or has the world’s information at your fingertips…” as I stare pointedly at the phone in in his hand.

I'd be getting my ducks in a row while he's away and contacting a divorce solicitor. What an utter incompetent wanker he is along with being emotionally abusive. You and your dc deserve better

Strategic uselessness. I wouldn’t tolerate it but I also wouldn’t expect him to pack until Thursday for a trip of Friday.

Use this time when he's away to contact a divorce solicitor. Yuck.

I realise I'm totally missing the main point here, but if he's going away on Friday and today is Tuesday, in what sense has he left everything to the last minute?

But yes yanbu. He sounds helpless and nasty with it.

Utter prick. Stop doing things for him. If you even want to stay married to him, I can't really believe you would want to.

You deserve a LOT better than this.