My fault for DH having a bad day

[Wowjustwow88]

Dh is going away on Friday for a trip with a mate. He's not the best traveller and as usual has left packing and sorting stuff out to the last minute so is on edge but not sure that's my fault

For context when we go away, I'm the one who sorts out the plans, passports, money etc, I think this is the first time since we have been together (19 years) he has been abroad without me (where as I go abroad for work a lot) I have sorted adaptors, insurance etc for him.

Today he wanted to take youngest to soft play to spend some time with him before he goes. That's fine. I booked it for him. I forgot that the place only takes cash so messaged him just before to tell him. Dh annoyed but it is what it is.

Dh picked youngestbuo from nursery after he finished work (3 ish - I'm still wfh) and the nappies and wipes I'd put in his bag this morning have been used so he rings me (while I'm on a call, which i have to drop off of) moaning no stuff in the bag and when I say oh there was this morning, that's me being defensive

Anyway he nips home (nursery is 1 min car journey away) and I've put together some wipes etc, sarcastic remark about me being able to leave my desk for longer than 10 seconds to help and off they go

Dh then goes to get cash out- machine swallows his card. Apparently my fault for not remembering earlier that he needed cash. Has another card he can use so not the end of the world.

Dh then starts to pack to go away, some of his clothes still on the airer drying. My fault for not being able to dry then quicker and the fact he has to wait another day.

You earn the same. So, is he proposing to give up work to be a better husband to you? What does he consider his husbandly duties to be, exactly?

Why couldn’t he do his own laundry and book the soft play himself? Why are you scuttling about sorting things out for him?

If you keep letting him walk all over you, he will keep walking all over you.

@Wowjustwow88 I will be honest and admit that I hope this is the straw that breaks the camels back.
Enjoy the time he is away and maybe spend a bit of time wondering if you could enjoy your life better with him away, permanently.
I had an ex who snapped at me that he hadn't won the lottery because I had picked the wrong numbers. That is how lazy he was and how much he expected me to do for him. His favourite sentence was "It's your fault."
My life is so much nicer without him.

Sounds like he needs a soft play booking for him rather than a holiday, the absolute man-baby. I'd be telling him to sort his own shit in future.

Generally speaking, the more you do for people, the less they appreciate it and the less you do for people, the more they appreciate it.

It's odd but throughout my life i've pretty much found t his to always be the case.

What a pathetic excuse of a man and father.

(For what it’s worth, if I was going away on Friday, I wouldn’t be packing until Thursday. But I get that’s not the point).

What he’s doing to you OP is emotional abuse.

Ask him:
Why is it my job to tell you about the soft play place? Why don't you know yourself, as an equal parent?
Why do you rely on me to make sure you can function as an adult when travelling abroad?
An objective observer would think that you expect me to do all the shitwork in this relationship because I am the woman - what do you say to that?

He sounds useless and ironically, full of contempt for you. What a winning combination.

Yes this is the only response. He is like an extra child.

You need to stop mothering him.
He sounds like he’s not very independent.
so although in this instance YANBU you could have a think about your relationship and steer it back on track

And btw it's only Tuesday.
He wanted to pack tonight did he? Well so fucking what?

Jesus - how do you have sex with this man. He clearly thinks you are just there to serve him.

I bet he is shit in bed too.

yeah bad luck

Have you told him how he could be a better husband to you?

F that for a lark.

You don't need a grown child in your life, you need an adult.

Make yourself unavailable. He's a fg adult make him be an adult.

I am a little confused. Are you married to a six year old???

What the ever-living fuck??

So you work the same as him and earn the same as him, but it's all on you to do everything else child, house and holiday related, including for holidays that you're not actually going on??

I don't think you understand how fucking crazy this is.

If he wanted to pack tonight HE should have ensured his clothes were washed and dried in time.

If he wanted to take his kid to soft play, HE should have booked it, packed a nappy bag and had cash ready for the trip.

If he's going on holiday, HE needs to sort his passport, wash stuff, chargers etc.

He's a grown man, isn't he?

I have no idea what you find attractive about this loser. Honestly.

Why are you being so passive?
Why do you continue to accept being spoken to like that?
Why do you organise so much of his life for him despite also working full time?
Why do you put up with such appalling misogyny?
What on earth do you find attractive about this petulant man-child?

Sounds like it's time to stop wiping his arse in general. He's not a child who needs spoonfed.

Learned helplessness in a grown man is properly unattractive.

It’s amazing how many of my things broke when I was married and amazing how little of my stuff gets broken now he is someone else’s problem!

Yeah OP I had one of these. I was responsible for most things. I was to blame if things went wrong. I realised it was doomed when I looked at him and thought ‘Do you contribute more than the work you create?’ and realised no, no he did not. We split not long after.

Are you his mother or his wife? Fuck that for a game of darts. Sorry don't mean that to sound harsh but he's treating you like a personal assistant.

If he is going to blame you for everything then remove that responsibility from your shoulders and tell him if he wants or needs something then he does it for himself as you are fed up with taking the can for everything. He's an adult so he can start acting like one - starting now!
You can still do stuff for him but in your own time and if that does not suit him - well too bad! He knows what to do. He sounds like he has been mothered and had too much done for him and is expecting you pick up where his mum left off. What a man-child?!! Not a good look.

You answer to this is 'if what Im doing is not to your satisfaction then you can do it all your fucking self'

Then do it.. seriously dude, drop the rope.

Good thing you've got a great job.

I can't see this relationship lasting with his awful attitude.

How are you stomaching being with such a twat?
Stop tolerating his behaviour.
He sounds like a bully.
How about you tell him you'd like if he was a better husband and not a whiney, whingy tosser?

Imagine how enjoyable the next few days (a whole week? 🙏) will be with him away. The peace and quiet, even with young children. The lack of someone moaning about how you've done things you only did to help them out. Then you can reflect on how it compares to the previous 19 years and decide whether you want to go on with it or not.

BTW, not the main issue but who even books soft play? Unless it was a birthday party or similar I've always just rocked up and paid on entrance. So much of this is unnecessary. Had he said he wanted to pack tonight? In which case he could have got on with the washing himself.

Gosh you just can’t win.

How he has managed to frame the machine swallowing his card as your fault I’ll never know.

In your shoes I’d slowly and quietly stop doing everything you do for him. Why are you busting a gut doing everything when all he does is criticise and complain?