to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

Yes. That's a vastly shortened version.

I'm sorry that you had to go through it too.

I'm at the receiving end of a lot of demanding and anxious people in my blue light job. Believe me, there are many times I have wanted to ask them just who the hell they are talking to. Yes illness makes is anxious but being on the receiving end is exhausting and morale is at an all time low.

That comment says something about you; I can see things from the ward sister's point of view now.

I suspect it was the last straw for both of you. Well done for being the bigger person and apologizing.

A and E is horrendous in this current climate of 14 years of underfunding. I spent 3 days there a couple of weeks ago with my 22 year old Autistic Daughter. However you were right not to snap at the Ward Sister. It's not her fault, she's living and working with that every single day, and getting the brunt off frustrated relatives like you. OK, she should have let your abruptness slide, however, it's very true. Manners cost nothing, have immeasurable worth and really do go a long way!

Sorry but I disagree. This nurse was not personally responsible for the experience you and your Dad had suffered, why would you assume she was psychic about what you had experienced.

She was right to pull you up as you clearly didn't say hello otherwise she wouldn't have been able to comment. Manners cost nothing.

I would definitely mark her card!! She’s not in a job where it’s ok to answer a visitor like that ! I get your anger now write it and send exactly as you’ve written here

She was right to pull you up as you clearly didn't say hello otherwise she wouldn't have been able to comment. Manners cost nothing.

No. She has zero right to start lecturing someone about manners. Especially not in her role where she's potentially dealing with very distressed, exhausted or soon to be bereaved people.

It was astonishingly rude of her to say what she did to the OP.
OP was not rude or abusive to her. That is enough.

I'd in fact suggest that given her position of power, she was abusive.

She'll pull the wrong person up one day.

You were in the wrong for not saying hello and some type of greeting but I get why.

She was very rude, and that's not the way to deal with distressed or upset relatives.

In our local emergency department, all the staff have undergone training on how to interact with people and they are polite, upbeat and don't ever snap like they used to, they also seem to enjoy their work more. They might well moan about patients when they go home but that's fine, being rude at work doesn't benefit the culture as a whole.

Yeah, I don't know how the staff have any control to stop these two situations.

But the OP says she said Hi. Not her fault if the nurse wasn't listening.

I get it, you are exhausted.
You were shocked, your dad wasn't there.
You said what you thought.
Did you reply to her comment? I would have said, 'Yes they did. Did yours? I spoke my thoughts out loud. I've had 2 hours sleep, I'm worried about my dad especially because of the level of care he received in A&E yesterday, so, where is my dad, please?'

She was ooo but you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so be polite always.

Hope your dad is recovering well.

You're a better person than me @TheTidyBear

I don't think I'd have been able to not say something back..

Rude old bint.

Good grief! Don't these medical professionals have any idea what some people might be going through?! Disgusting way to talk to you.

That is a disgrace. @Rosscameasdoody. Apart from anything else what a complete waste of resources.

How arrogant of both parties.

@TheTidyBear

How is your dad today?

Such a lot for you to think about in the longer term. Do you have siblings, or someone at home to talk to?

I don’t know how familiar you are with this site but it’s very easy to change your nickname. There’s an elderly parents board where you can just have a moan, or ask for advice.

You were running on empty and trying to get the best possible outcome for your Dad. The nursing staff were wrong, pure and simple. It’s their job to take care of the patients in a professional manner, and, if they are at all committed, to the patients family too. It’s their workplace, it’s unfamiliar territory for you at a very worrying time. Epic fail on their part.

I applaud you because I wouldn’t have had that restraint even although I really know it would be the best way at the time. Hope Dad improves. I should add that I’m sick of people rushing into defend the NHS staff at all costs. There is a very big difference between being “stretched” and being unprofessional. Everything is seen as a personal attack. It’s not. It’s a comment on how the “service” is not being delivered. the result being that the “service users” are not having said service delivered. And before people start pilloring me, I’ve worked in the NHS for years, did my Mum, Aunties, my sisters and brother, countless nieces and nephews, cousins and friends across multiple departments and my Daughter is currently a Nurse Practitioner in a children’s Hospice and they are all fed up with The incompetent management and its attitude.

Nope.

If she can't cope with a stressed visitor worried about their relative and the only way that's shown is with a (possible) lack of 'hello' then she's in the wrong job.

If she tries that with some of the very short fused, aggressive people that medical staff have to deal with she's going to get a very different and unpleasant response.

Yes, everyone should be pleasant but when you're very worried and upset and the organisation hasn't treated you well I think a lack of 'hello' is very, very minor

If someone tried to 'pull me up' on my manners they would probably wish they hadn't.

It's not her job or her place to do that.

And if she tries it on some of the more aggressive members of the public they have to deal with she may bitterly regret it. Except she wouldn't, would she?

You do realise dont you, that nurses arent allowed to force someone to take their meds or force feed them ? . Maybe the nurses had tried to, but your dad refused. If you werent there, you cant really comment on the facts.

If the patient is deemed not to have appropriate capacity to make decisions then yes, these things are actually allowed.

The nurse was rude but so were you 🤷‍♀️

@CherryValley5 you would need assessment for capacity, and then have care plans in place, along with a doctor's/MHAP approval that giving medication covertly was the correct thing to do. I'm also not sure you can force feed? You might go down the route of giving high protein, fortified liquids though.

Yes, that means they should chastise you about your manners when you come to them distressed after an 18 hour long traumatic experience.

Silly me for not having more coping abilities to not be affected by the man coughing an infectious disease over me and the other shouting at me while my 80 something dad is suffering from delirium, a uti, broken bones, a mini stroke, and sepsis, and at deaths door.

Honestly, some people. Probably can't cope when your food is brought cold, or someone doesn't say hello in a tone you like.

Dad is doing better, he's a tough old boot, thanks to the well wishers.

Thanks.

Having clarified my thoughts about this it's much like walking into a police station after being assaulted and being told to mind your manners.

The more I think about it the more I realise I need to complain.