to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

I'm glad your dad is doing ok, but wow, your analogy is way off. If you want to make a complaint, then do so, but please don't conflate two separate issues - it is nothing like being assaulted at all.

@Flossflower

i can tell you, we go hungry. But thanks to the ambulance crew, I had enough morphine in me that food didn't even occur to me.

I could get to the loo (thankfully!) but I couldn't pull up my pants or shorts, so just asked any passing hospital person to help me. I had just about enough in me to not ask just any person passing, but barely!!

Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

You can't really complain about other sick people being in A&E. The whole department was not put there just on the off-chance that you might need to use it one day!

No but it’s problematic when people with significantly different health issues are all packed into a tiny space together for 12+ hours.

Particularly when you’re in a queue on trolleys in the hospital corridor waiting to be admitted because then you don’t even have the power to move away from someone like you would in the waiting room.

If you’re already very unwell and then get stuck next to someone with a contagious airborne illness for 12+ hours. Chances are you will now have that illness as well. For older people who have been admitted to A+E with one condition that will already mean it’s touch and go whether they survive contracting covid / flu could literally finish them off.

And in regards to the mentally ill patient. We had the same when my grandmother was on a trolley waiting to be admitted after a fall. The man on the trolley in front (so literally touching her trolley) was having a mental episode and very distressed. Thrashing around and almost injuring himself and others around him. My grandmother couldn’t move, was already physically injured and could have easily been knocked to the ground again had we not been there to ensure this man didn’t fall into her.

I was slightly more together last time I was assaulted.

Why are you telling me what level of trauma I'm supposed to experience in both situations as if you were the one that experienced what I did?

Thanks.

It's a double whammy, risking the health of the patient and the person that's looking after them. Contagion could well result in the death of both or either. Much the same with a man in close vicinity who's agitated and could lurch at you or your parent at any time. Neither of these things were helping my Dad to survive.

We had people going around witchhunting people who weren't wearing masks a few years ago, and yet we've got comments on here like being stuck next to someone for hours on end in an enclosed space who's potentially infecting you with something deadly, or someone who might assault you, is something that's perfectly normal and easy to deal with. No, it's extremely distressing.

It's the level of distress not the situation

Distraught for both reasons

Neither of those things were the ward nurses fault though. I can't believe all the posters that think that just because someone is a nurse, they can be treated like crap because they should expect it and it's their job. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, and I hope your Dad recovers quickly. What treatment did he get for the sepsis and broken bones in A+E all that time?

Really is a shit shop A & E, my dad had dementia over 48 hrs on corridor trolley.
Given someone else’s blood transfusion

During covid my dad (93) was in A&E for 24 hours after a fall. When they called my brother to collect him they neglected to tell him that they had lost his shoes and 1 hearing aid and also he needed clean trousers as noone had helped him to the loo/ brought him a bedpan and he had wet himself. Then the security guy at the door had a go at DB for bringing his car to the entrance so my frail, piss stinking, barefoot dad didn't have to walk to the car park in the cold at 10pm. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Awful, sorry.

I didn't treat the nurse like crap. What are you on about? People who have the sense to apologise to others even when they've done nothing wrong so as not to escalate things don't go around being rude to others.

The nurses bad day and poor conditions of the NHS aren't my fault, yet you seem to think it's ok for her to treat distressed relatives like crap. Either you're justifying your own bad behaviour or your experience has made you jaded and you need to get past it or quit.

The broken bones were a nose and a couple of fingers so they didn't do much with them.

The sepsis I don't even think they gave him anything specific for that other than the antibiotics already being given for the UTI, they just kept giving him tests saying unknown infection, till they said sepsis. I'm not even sure it's an accurate diagnosis.

Also I made them do an MRI to check for the TIA because I observed the symptoms several times, informed the nurses several times that it was happening, with no action. It wasn't the Doctors or Nurses that spotted it.

And by the way just to balance, there have also been some really good staff who have been very patient and kind with my Dad.

Christ I said posters in general! You have no idea what my behaviour is like, not that you would believe me any way so I won't bother defending myself, but I have certainly never considered or been close to 'flying off the fucking handle' at someone.

I don't think people ate saying nurses can expect to be treated like crap, more that some of them should stop treating patients and relatives like crap.

Given that she was at work and part of her job is to have good interpersonal skills, it wasn’t good enough, especially given that surely she must know that there are a lot of stressed, worried and anxious people going into the hospital.

She was bang out of order.

I have worked as an NHS doctor for over 30 years now. I can confidently say that I have never spoken to any relative or patient or indeed, colleague rudely. Yes, I get stressed and upset but I have to remain professional. I cannot imagine speaking to a patient or relative the way the nurse did in the OP, however under pressure I was. It is an incredibly rude and patronising thing to say to anybody other than maybe very young children. Even then I wouldn’t say it.

NHS pressures are not the fault of patients and relatives. I have had far worse things said to me than maybe a missed ‘hello’. I remain professional even when I have had racist and nasty comments directed at me.

I encourage patients and relatives to complain about NHS staff being rude. It is never acceptable in my book. I hate it when I see nurses and doctors being rude. It is embarrassing and unkind.

Are you a young man?

That would go some way towards explaining your general attitude, and why you're unable to understand the nuances of being a small vulnerable distressed female in precarious situation with someone holding power over you.

Thankyou, a much appreciated post

Not only is it incredibly rude and unprofessional but also its an abuse of power and trust.
Patients and visitors are often vulnerable, even if it's temporary and its the worst type of power imbalance/ abuse.
Hey you know this as a doctor but it really upsets me if I witness it, it cuts deep
38 years in the NHS and counting !

I don't actually think that failure to say Hello is treating someone like crap. In most cases, in a stressful situation it just doesn't appear on people's radar.

It's people just like you that get too many nurses saying they love their job but can't deal with the public who treat them like they are servants.

That's interesting, in my customer facing role I don't take it personally when someone asks me a question without saying hello
That really says it all if you think this is comparable. Nurses looked after your dad, they are not there to sell you merchandise so the company can make a profit. You are not nurses'patient, let alone customer.

You were rude, treating her like she was there to serve you. Good on her for putting you right. It sounds like you fully deserve it.

As for the rest yes the NHS is on its knees and have more important things to do in A&E but to serve dinners when their family members are there with them. Didn't you know?

Why would it be a joke? Other people are entitled to be in A&E regardless of the cause of their illness.

That really says it all if you think this is comparable. Nurses looked after your dad, they are not there to sell you merchandise so the company can make a profit. You are not nurses'patient, let alone customer.

You've got this completely backwards. People visiting a shop are not going to be distressed, frightened, exhausted or bereaved, all the states of mind likely in hospitals.
That woman was a bully to a distressed relative, it's inexcusable behaviour and I'm glad OP will be putting in a complaint.