to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

Some of the responses here make me so fearful.

I was there to advocate for my father, my mother and my husband. I'm reasonably articulate - I was a HoD/Faculty Head in a Scottish secondary school. Nevertheless, things went horribly wrong for all three of them because hospital staff were unwilling to listen to me.

When I was in hospital, there was no one who could advocate for me. I didn't see the point in complaining - I'd written to PALS when Dad died and they never got back to me.

I'll not go into it all, but the Charge Nurse in the ward was truly evil. Staff mucked up the timing of my pain meds - the lovely doctor in charge of them had explained them to me before he went off shift - and then told me it was too late for me to get them. Another woman in the same ward was screaming in pain because of a similar situation. She was told off for making a fuss. She'd had a toe amputated.

I have encountered many wonderful NHS staff members, but it seems to be that the more ruthless variety are those who rise through the ranks.

Well, I've no doubt that I was thought rude when I went to visit my dad and found an empty bed. I thought he'd died.

A mute patient mimed Dad being taken away. I then asked the first staff member that I could find where my Dad was. I doubt very much that I said "Hello" first.

Probably they started out caring quite a lot and had to deal with so many abusive f**kwits along the way, that they are a bit jaded. That aside, their working conditions have probably deteriorated very significantly since they decided to become a nurse.

I would bet my house that she would not have said this to a man, esp an older one. She thought she could belittle you and went for it.

He fell and you sat with him and brought him food? Wouldn’t the vast majority of people do that for a loved one? At this time of year your dad will be one of hundreds of elderly people falling and presenting to A&E daily. It’s an accident but not generally an emergency unless there there has been a head injury etc, hence the long waits. Emergencies in resus always take priority. On the floor you might have one nurse for 10+ patients, possibly even 15-20 patients if the floor is short staffed. Therefore it’s absolutely impossible to provide the sort of care you believe he should be provided. Nurses would love to, but it’s impossible. Would you put yourself through that for £14 an hour? Including being spat at, physically assaulted, verbally abused, and God knows what else. I know it’s hard but try and see it through their eyes. Perhaps your attitude was the straw that broke the camels back.

I’d LOVE to know the nurses side of the story, because I very much doubt your side is the correct one.

I’ve been in AE twice in last two months. Both times there were some very kind nurses but others were rude and vindictive.
One said I had too many blankets in a freezing corridor. He ripped them both off me then when a woman who witnessed this remonstrated with him he threw them at me.

Another one said she was going to take the trolley away from me as I was blocking the corridor. Other staff had left me there. I was unable to stand which she knew so I asked her name and told her I was reporting her to the HSE she stormed off.

The woman who witnessed and helped me was the manager of a nursing home. She was forced to stand beside her patient the entire night as she was afraid to leave at the mercy of these bullies.

I very much believe her.

Go ahead. But there are always two sides to every story.

In 2009, my late husband was transferred to the main hospital for our district after being in the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh for a month. He was supposed to get rehab at our local hospital. (He'd had a triple graft bypass.)

After 3 days, I got a phone call at work telling me he was being discharged. I queried that, but was told quite firmly that he was coming home. I was told to pick him up at 5.

When I got to the ward, DH was in distress. I later found out that he'd been discharged at 12 noon. He'd had nothing to eat since breakfast. He was diabetic. [ETA He'd ordered a meal, but was told he couldn't have it. It now belonged to the man who got my husband's bed.]

I asked for a wheelchair, since DH could barely walk following his operation. "You'll have to get one from the front of the hospital."

I was parked round the back: there was building work and a "No Parking" sign at the front. I had to rush to the lift, go downstairs... Two patients having a fly fag outside helped me find a chair.

I ran for the car. I parked illegally at the front door. There was no way of getting from the lift to the back door at that time. Foolishly, I'd thought that the staff might get a porter to take DH to the front where I could meet him with the car. Apparently not.

Staff informed me that they'd expected me to have someone else with me. (Who? My disabled parents? As I explained, I have no siblings and no children.)

I went back in the lift. Got to the ward. Loaded up Dh and his bag. As we left, DH turned to the Charge Nurse and said "Where's the humanity?" No response.

Got back to the car with DH. Managed to get him in. Returned the chair.

Home.

The next day, our District Nurse informed me that the hospital had sent DH home with an infected wound - the operation site, the sternum area. She undoubtedly saved his life. She also thought him anaemic - he was gasping for breath - but had to tell me to call the GP - she wasn't allowed to order a blood test.

The GP arrived. "I assure you that your husband won't be anaemic. You tell me he had two blood transfusions at the Royal? The local hospital will have checked his bloods before discharge. I'll look at the computer. "

They hadn't. The bloods ordered by the GP showed that he was anaemic and iron was prescribed.

The District Nurse organised for a Cardio Nurse to visit. I told her that I couldn't understand why my husband had been discharged without his rehab. "Ah well. You see, he'd been in the Royal for so long that they naturally assumed that he'd had all that."

And there was I assuming that staff read notes.

I only had to read that first line and the fact you think I sat with him and brought him food just proves my point that you've not been anywhere near an A&E with a seriously ill elderly relative.

You'll note that all the people with experience in this on this thread are taking my side.

You've also failed to read the parts in this thread where I've pointed out he had a stroke and sepsis and delirium, and that I diagnosed the stroke where the doctors failed to, and also managed to get the meds, and food into him when the nurses failed to.

I've also pointed out several times he was close to death, the Doctors told me if I failed to get the meds into him he would die. I spent several hours convincing him to accept a drip because he was fed up of being a pin cushion after they failed to get the needle in several times because he was so dehydrated.

I think your post says a lot about you.

And he was laying in his own piss for over 10 hours before he even got into the ambulance and I had to break the door down to get into his flat because he'd fallen right next to a door that was blocking the front door. I haven't even gone into that. It was well over 24 hours total between leaving my house after I suspected he'd fallen and getting back to it to get a couple of hours sleep.

So what? If the nurse was questioned she’d lie.

Some nurses are great! Others are awful.

There - that’s two sides or do you think all nurses are angels?

Oh and I also forgot, I wasn't "sitting" in the A&E corridor most of the time, it was jammed with people on trolleys and I offered the chair between trolleys to the person who was with the man coughing his lungs out because she was in her 70s.

I do. The level of rudeness toward OP has far outweighed that of the nurse. What did you expect ? Meekness in the face of vitriol ?

None of this is the nurses' fault. The NHS is a total shit show right now but that is not the fault of the medical staff. They can't perform miracles in a system that is totally broken.

The nurse being a bully who was abusive to me is the nurses fault.

The rest of the story is merely there to point out how vulnerable and exhausted I was at the time when I encountered it.

I think you should look into a career change. You sound angry and burnt out. And that’s not good for you or the patients.

When my mother was dying in hospital, I remember a couple of nurses being a bit off with me, although most were lovely. On the scale of what was going on with my mum, it really was not a huge deal. I recognised they were under a lot of pressure and shrugged it off. I appreciate you being upset about how your dad was treated in the mess that is the NHS right now but I think the nurse's comment is just a bit silly and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I would focus on the things that really matter.

And there was I assuming that staff read notes.

I posted upthread about my mum who is in her nineties and has advanced dementia - admitted after a fall. If I hadn’t visited at lunchtime one day l would never have been able to intervene and prevent the hospital social worker continuing a completely illegal interview with no one present to advocate for mum, despite having provided full copies of the LPA conferring on me the responsibility of health and welfare. She also had an advance directive regarding care - all of which he was unaware of because he hadn’t bothered to check. To him she was just another bed blocker he needed to shift and he was halfway to making full time care arrangements in complete ignorance of the fact that she has a home here with us and a private care package in place - full details of which were in her notes, on computer at the nurses station. The incompetence is breathtaking.

And by the same token, the rudeness of some of the comments matches and surpasses that of the nurse.

You are sensationalizing slightly, any meds he would have had for the sepsis would have been administered IV 🙄

And yet OP says right there that she had to convince him to accept the drip after they had tried and failed to put in a cannula because he was dehydrated. Or did you miss that ?

But many of us have had very bad experiences that really chime with what the OP said.

Would you? I wouldn’t. You have defended the nurse quite vociferously on the basis that regardless of OPs behavior the nurse was entitled to speak demeaningly to her. What more do you need to know? How much more righteous do you think her version would make her in your eyes?

Nope I saw that, thanks. 'Doctors told me if I failed to get the meds into him then he would die'
So they've got relatives giving IV's now?
It's just all very dramatic. What do you think they would have done if you weren't there? Just gave up? If he was delirious he wouldn't have had capacity to refuse a cannula.