to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

I am so sorry- I hope your father gets well.
I know exactly how you feel my 92 year old dad got admitted to hospital (Leighton Hospital Crewe- you are a disgrace)
When I got there (I was overseas with work)- his carers had called the ambulance- he had been waiting some hours I got him food and a hot drink, it was December and he was so cold. We waited 12 hours before he was triaged then he was put on a bed in an assessment area - no blankets. I got him blankets and ended up putting my coat over him. He was admitted and immediately caught norovirus from the ward and became delirious.
I asked a nurse about making decisions for him and he said (laughing!) "do not worry he is on DNR!
There was not a single time I visited him when he was not soak in urine or sitting in his shit. He got put in a side ward and urine bottle were placed on an windowsill out of his reach- he was on diuretics for his heart.
It was brutal
He eventually died of covid contracted in hospital.
There was no care, no compassion, nothing

Yanbu to feel stressed, tired and on your last nerve. Yanbu to not necessarily feel like saying a friendly hello to the ward sister.
However, your fathers long wait was unlikely to be her doing, and the man coughing and the person with mental health problems are not her fault either, nor anyone’s really, these are symptoms of an NHS on its knees.
Perhaps the nurse felt you were rude and abrupt, but her comment was still over the top. It wouldn’t have hurt her to remember that many people visiting the hospital are stressed in some way, and have some compassion. There was no need to snap at you like that.
I hope your dad feels better soon and you get some rest!

Well, if you look at some of the experiences described by quite a few posters it isn't unreasonable. Feel free to look at just my posts for several appalling examples.

Exactly. People were clapping 4 years ago- people have short memories.
Honestly if you've got time to complain about a less than friendly greeting from a nurse you need to find a hobby.

That nurse was probably on shift for 12-13 hours, maybe not had a drink or eaten or had a break. Probably has ignored the need for toilet breaks. The ward is probably short staffed, under resourced. High levels of very dependent, confused patients needing total care. Sh*tty salary and abusive patients, family members and the public. They do this day in & day out.

The levels of aggression towards NHS staff is off the scale. So forgive me if you've got hurty feelings by someone being a bit brusque.
Trust me- it is HELL in the NHS at the mo. Be grateful she even showed up for work.

That sounds quite tame.

I had done an 18 hour unpaid shift in an A&E corridor, which I'm not trained to do, had 2 hours sleep, 4 hour round trip, hadn't eaten or drunk properly, my Dad was seriously ill

And I still managed not to be rude to anyone.

Feel free to go out onto your doorstep and applaud me if it pleases you.

I'm really sorry to hear this, I completely empathise with you.

Hugs to you

Sound really difficult. It really does make a difference doesn't it. It's like they don't realise we're they're to help them do their jobs.

Sorry to hear. Thanks for sharing.

I had done an 18 hour unpaid shift in an A&E corridor

No you hadn't. What a ridiculous statement.

From reading AIBU, it's clear that a percentage of people are complete sociopaths.

No you hadn't. What a ridiculous statement.

I think it's a fair statement actually. I mean unless you want to ignore everything OP has been through because it inconveniences you putting the boot in.

Your flippant reply shows how little you understand about the NHS. You did that for one day for a relative- you want thanks for that?

Nurses do it day in & out for people they don't know from Adam. Honestly you are in danger of losing any moral high ground you might have had ..

Your flippant reply shows how little you understand about the NHS. You did that for one day for a relative- you want thanks for that?

She probably just wants a bit of courtesy and kindness from the staff.

Nurses do it day in & out for people they don't know from Adam. Honestly you are in danger of losing any moral high ground you might have had ..

That's really kind of them to do that for free. Or are they paid, because it's, you know, their job? And might it perhaps not be as emotionally harrowing and stressful for them because it's not their own elderly parent they are dealing with?

I have worked in the NHS for 30 years and would never behave like that nurse did. Do you think it’s acceptable to give rude patronising lectures to relatives? I hope we never work together.

Judging by the number of elderly people who are there alone and being ignored by the nurses you seem not to understand the NHS at all.

I think relatives that show up are unsung heroes and deserve a round of applause, yes.

Why shouldn’t patients complain about rude nurses and doctors? As a hospital consultant, I cannot bear rude and unkind and unprofessional behaviour in colleagues.

I'd settle for just being told which Bay my Dad is in and not being belittled!🙂

As a doctor who remains professional, polite and kind, despite how stressed I sometimes feel inside, and who works with colleagues who are thankfully mostly the same, I have zero tolerance of rude hcps.

We are not heroes or saints. We have chosen a job in a caring industry that requires us to be polite and professional and have empathy for others. We should also not have to tolerate abusive behaviour, but there are other ways of managing that than being rude back.

If a member of staff has been rude like the nurse in the OP, please complain. It’s only through complaints that the message can get through to some people.

Some of the stories here make me furious for patients and relatives. I don’t feel remotely annoyed or defensive of the nhs when I read these. Because I know that I deliver good care and the criticism is not aimed at me personally. Any hcp defending this kind of behaviour should leave their role.

Exactly. People were clapping 4 years ago- people have short memories.
Honestly if you've got time to complain about a less than friendly greeting from a nurse you need to find a hobby.

Never once clapped, that was a fucking stupid thing to do.

I hated the clapping. My family and friends were banned from doing so ;-) It made me cringe so much. So performative and meaningless. It was a horrendous time but we were just doing our jobs.

That said, we do put up with a load of shite-my daughter has said she’ll never work with the general public and I can’t say I blame her
And sometimes, after yet someone treating them with bad manners, they feel they need to say something.

To think that the nurse picked up on OP's manners even though was perfectly polite is ludicrous. Why would she even think about it unless she was indeed triggered by rudeness?

It's not the choice of words or lack of the vast majority of the time, it's the tone used, the lack of eye contact.

People with good manners don't need to think much about it, its in them since they were kids, stressed, tired or in a hurry, and they do lapse and they are reminded, they apologise, instead of having a hissy fit.

How rude ! I am a nurse and have been a ward sister and would never speak to a patient’s relative that way. Who would even say that ?

Lol exactly.

And yet most of Europe and many other countries offer better and more timely care these days by using state backed private provision models.

I also find this a very odd argument to excuse an example of very poor behaviour by staff. Is your point that patients should just accept poor care and poor treatment because its the NHS?

I have huge sympathy for your father and yourself but I would never dream of just saying where is my father without being polite and saying hello.

I appreciate you'd been through the ringer that day but the nhs nurses have a lot to deal with as well and long shifts. They have so much to deal with and too many people turn up to A&E that don't need to be there, so it gets crazy busy.

You don't know what she had to deal with that day. She might have been verbally abused and just wanted someone to be nice to her. But equally, I understand you'd had a long journey and was worried.

I think this could go a bit of both ways.
You mind your manners and she could mind hers.

I aren't perfect or anything but I always greet someone and thank them. You never know who needed it that day and manners cost nothing.