to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

Until you have been on the receiving end of GP and hospital treatment with an elderly parent you have no idea how stressful it can be.

The system is so complex and care so patchy it is bloody frightening. There are areas of brilliance and areas of complete disorganised chaos.

I too would be worried about leaving an elderly parent in hospital. It seems to just be a numbers game to some (not all) of the staff.

You did well not to react. Could report her to PALS. It will get logged as a complaint. If nobody complains then nothing will change. Patients and families aren't always in the wrong.

I have been assaulted by patients. Called all sorts. Been racially abused. Not in any one of those situations would it be okay for me to deliver a sermon like the nurse in the OP. She was barely even ‘provoked’!

in this situation, the responsibility for manners is actually greater for the nurse than it is with the relative because of the power dynamics involved.

I am no doormat, but there are ways of dealing with genuine rudeness. This is not it.

For me, the best way to deal with rudeness is to ignore it, everyone is under pressure in these scenarios

The NHS is supposed be a service!! Not a bloody survival course that you are ill prepared for.

Try doing that every day. Your attitude really leaves a lot to be desired.

Yeah let’s waste some more nhs money and time. OP had a bad time (I do sympathise) and someone was a bit sharp with her. It is hardly formal complaint territory.

Just want to add here: I'm on the spectrum; I do have difficulty making eye contact at times. I try to do it and used to fake it at work. Nevertheless, I sometimes slip.

The thought of someone being considered rude for omitting eye contact is quite distressing (though I do understand that it is the norm).

Sitting with your ill father is not an unpaid NHS shift. I cuddled my husband last night when he was stressed, was than an "unpaid shift"? I made my kids' lunch yesterday, was that a 1-hour unpaid shift as a lunch lady? Taking care of and being with family is not shift work. What a dystopian idea of family.

My own mother has been ill recently. I have sat with her quite a bit. It never occurred to me to be angry that nobody was paying me to do this.

No it really doesn't. I'm proud of myself for being able to keep my Dad alive in those circumstances, and I highly doubt you and others that have waded onto this thread just to try and fail at dragging others down are capable of the same.

My own mother has been ill recently. I have sat with her quite a bit. It never occurred to me to be angry that nobody was paying me to do this.

And if you think the OP is angry that she wasn't paid then you've misunderstood her posts entirely. She's pointed out that she had a much longer, harder, more stressful stint of it than the rude woman whose job it actually was to be there.

Thankyou for pointing this out.

@ZippyDoodle

Until you have been on the receiving end of GP and hospital treatment with an elderly parent you have no idea how stressful it can be.

Quite, a lot of the comments here are from people who think it's just sitting around watching someone eat grapes.

It's really is beyond belief that someone in that position can fail to understand how distressed some people can be. What if someone has a broken voice box, autisim, someone has just died?

I'm still failing to understand how you can actually deliver "Hi, where's "Father's name", in a rude way. Is it even possible?

Nearly 30 years of being an adult and the first time someone has an issue with my manners, is when my Dad is at deaths door. Really?

I would be interested to hear the nurses side to be honest.

In a very rude way.

Probably because she was terrified of leaving him alone on a trolley with no staff around

Thankyou, I said earlier he had delirium so I also didn't want a Dr to examine him while he was unable to make sense.

The thought of someone being considered rude for omitting eye contact is quite distressing (though I do understand that it is the norm)
Oh no, don't think that. It's not the lack of eye contact alone. It's the mix everything. A 'Hello, excuse me, would you be able to tell me where my dad is', with a smile doesn't need eye contact to be pleasant.

A rushing in, going straight to someone and saying in an authoritative voice 'can you tell me where my dad is' without a hello or eye contact is rude.

In a very rude way
Maybe. Again, without knowing the tone of voice and face expression, it's hard to tell.

After reading this thread, I don't believe you.

The post I made reflected exactly how my father was treated by nurses

If a dog had been treated the way he was, the RSPCA would have been straight in

They needed more than a 'slagging off', they needed sacking. But we dared not risk complaining

Is that how it works in Europe?

Serious question then - why?

It's not for the money. They can't enjoy it and it's very hard work and they're certainly not all angels

Some obviously do really care, but others not so much. So...why?

I don't think she said it in a joking way...

She said it in an abusive way because she saw I was vulnerable and could get away with it.

She would not have said the same thing to someone who was actually being rude to her.