to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

Bt it's not always possible (already explained why if you can be bothered to look back) and my experience has been that anyone in a&e awaiting a bed has been offered food.

So your normal reaction to anxious and tired relatives is to give them a lecture on appropriate greeting modes?

That's a style of communication which is designed to provoke trouble, not keep communications smooth and constructive.

Get over yourself is such a strange thing to say. Op is not haughtily complaining about substandard tea service: she is complaining that the health care service is descending into chaos and so understaffed and underresourced that staff cannot keep their word (food for patient), cannot keep their patients safe (no rooms, not enough orderlies, and can not even keep their composure (needlessly rude to patient family member who ought to be assumed to be in distress.)

It seems odd that it bears repeating but saying to a distressed person seeking her father in a hospital ward “didn’t your parents teach you manners” is absurdly cruel and horrifically out of place. What if OP’s mother has died? What if her father is dying? What if they are estranged snd she is turning up to reconcile with him?

Reading the responses from the OP on here to comments posters have made says a lot about how she spoke to the nurse that day!

Hope your dad is recovering. Well done at not responding, my mantra is and breath in these situations which sadly are becoming more frequent.

Also losing your rag does not mean flying off the handle.

That's actually exactly what it means. What do you think it means?

Also he's diabetic.

Well I guess you should have sourced some food for him, so. That would be a priority.

That’s a really mean reply OP. How would you feel if it was your dad who was the person coughing or mentally ill and someone said that of him? They don’t want to be in A&E either - they would sooner be fit and well at home, or at least in a bed being treated. Don’t take your frustrations about the hospital out on the patients- every hospital has a PALs scheme for complaints - write an official complaint and try to get improvements rather than speak badly of ill people online.

As a HCP, I couldn’t imagine pulling someone up like that-rude, unnecessary and achieves nothing. Especially when someone is tired, stressed and worried about someone. I have had colleagues like that and feel ashamed when they treat patients as inconveniences when they’re the reason they have a job. That said, we do put up with a load of shite-my daughter has said she’ll never work with the general public and I can’t say I blame her.

Completely reasonable - very rude of the nurse.

Yet another MN thread slagging off nurses and the NHS. Worse than the Daily Mail on here.

A few year ago my dad ended up in A and E.

Previously he had had a terrible stroke, leaving him not able to walk and only had the use of one arm. He was living in a care home at the time and his legs has swollen up terribly, his breathing was awful and he had a chest infection.

The GP was called and called an ambulance to take him to A and E.

Not only did the staff keep asking me why was he sent to hospital but whenever I went to the desk to ask something, I only did it a couple of times - they would totally ignore me, not even acknowledge me.

My dad had heart failure, caught pneumonia in hospital and we were told he would be dead within a week.

Even then, while he was dying, the nurses didn't come when we asked. They just didn't seem to care and I remember being told, he was priority as he was so ill.

It was torture watching my dad die, and the lack of care and respect from the nurses was disgusting.

I would complain, the way some of the Doctors and Nurses feel think they’re allowed to speak to a patient or their family is horrific.

Usually I’m not one for complaining, but after another long wait at our local assessment unit, a pompous dr and nurses who couldn’t care less I complained.

YANBU.

A lot of nurses don't have the brains they were born with. Compassion fatigue and burnout may be the reason but this piece of shit was also on a power trip, as are many of her type.

Eventually she'll get slapped so well done for not being the one to do it.

I was in A&E for hours the other day. The receptionist was rude from the start. The first nurse I saw clearly didn’t want to be there. Luckily the rest were lovely. I saw people asking the receptionist where they were in the queue and being told, so after I had been waiting over an hour longer than the first nurse told me I would be waiting I went up to the receptionist and said ‘sorry to bother you, is there any idea on how long I might be waiting?’. He was awful, told me I hadn’t been waiting long (I had - over 4 hours), that the wait was over 5 hours. I asked if that was from now or from when I came in. He didn’t answer my question. He looked at me as if I was stupid for asking and said that I had hours left to wait as it takes 3 hours for bloods to come back. I told him I was told it would be 1.5 hours but 3 to see a doctor.

I was there for something potentially very serious, on my own, in a boiling hot, busy temporary A&E and a bit of kindness, or at least politeness is not too much to ask.

I had a text asking for feedback and I was very thorough making sure to keep it balanced and singing the praises of the ones that were kind, pleasant and polite.

Working somewhere like that you should realise that sometimes people are distressed and upset and might forget a pleasantry. I work for the emergency services myself so am used to people being panicked, worried, upset and calm and I have never spoken to someone like the receptionist spoke to me, or the nurse to the OP.

Lol at nursing staff throwing threats around on here as a way to persuade everyone that they're not abusive to patients and their families.

Hellskitchen24 yep ..God help em when NHS is withdrawn. The deaths and chronic ill health will be phenomenal. People have no idea how much private healthcare costs. Private healthcare insurance only covers so much. You only have to look at the price of a cosmetic procedure to see how expensive it is. If you have a long term condition as an inpatient you will end up selling your house!!!

I wondered the same thing! It is difficult to know which posts on here are real and which are wind-ups, so I hope I haven’t just wasted an hour on something that is false!

Isn’t there something between a little criticism and the destruction if the NHS? The OP’s post is customer feedback and should be taken as such. Its not the end of tge eirld. Everyone in the UK is more likely to be in OP’s position at some pount than they are to be in tge rude nurses position. Everyone is going to go to A and E or go find a relative there eventually so the focus should be on recognizing that there is a morale/staffing problem that needs solving nit shaming and blaming OP into silence.

Hope your dad is on the mend @TheTidyBear .

It can be a real lottery with hospitals - I've been with my mom a few times - she has had a lot of greatly varying medical issues over the years and has been under quite a few different departments / consultants etc.

Luckily the vast, vast majority of the staff and treatment has been excellent, but there has been a couple of occasions where she's called me to come and help advocate for her - including making sure she got an antibiotic prescription following a day surgery where they had left her sitting without anti-biotics all day (after A&E had emphasised how important it was she had them the night before) and were trying to fob her off to get the prescription from the GP.

She also received chemo in an open waiting room, full of dust bunnies in front of a poster talking about 'dignity in care' - that one led to a face to face apology from the Trusts chief exec!

A lot of people work in the NHS - the majority are committed and compassionate, but there are, like in all professions some people who are probably not well suited to the role or maybe are just tired and grouchy!.

Try not to dwell and make sure you look after yourself, as well as your looking after your dad ❤

OP, you literally said 'Hi' and asked where your dad is. Idk how some posters are making an issue out of this. I'm a MH nurse in the community, but if I worked on a ward, I wouldn't expect family members to be stood around the desk making small talk. You were hardly being demanding. She was rude for no reason.

Hope your dad is well.

Let's just say, I would have found it very hard to bite my tongue.

Being a nurse doesn't earn you some sort of VIP status that gives you the green light to act like a twat to other people.

I don't give a flying fig that someone works for the NHS, it doesn't make you a bloody saint, we really need to get past the "but they're all angels sent from heaven" mentality. Most of them aren't.

Regardless of what anyone posts on this godforsaken forum these days, there is an avalanche of responses from absolute baggages out for a spat. I'd hate to be or to know any of you.

It was an awful situation and yes, the nurse was rude and patronising. Also, yes, as you already know, they are barely coping. Both things are true. I really hope you get some sleep and self care and that your dad picks up a bit.

Doubt that’s what she actually said and did reading the thread.

Why on earth would it be a joke that sick people are in a hospital? sorry you are not the center of the universe, that service exists for everyone even if you find them lesser and undesirable.

Mental health is one of the top level life or death 'emergency' conditions A&E deal with. It has at hospital level got far more risk of fatality and urgency than your dads fall.

With coughing you can't possibly know why, they could have asthma, lung failure, terminal cancer or a whole bunch of other once again high level urgent/fatal 'emergency' conditions.

A fall is a pretty standard and a non urgent 'accident' (unless he fell off the roof or it was caused by another more serious condition like a stroke or heart attack etc...) you will be seen by order of urgency and will share that space with others who also need help. Really you are lucky its not more far more serious, if he where high risk of dying you would unfortunately know.

Remember while it sucks your dad is uncomfortable and pained and that hospitals are miserable soul sucking spaces you are sharing that space with many people who unfortunately won't walk out of there again or will be having last moments with loved ones for many different reasons you aren't privvy too.

You can focus your concern on your dad but don't then shit on everyone else for existing and having their own needs.