to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

That woman was a bully to a distressed relative, it's inexcusable behaviour and I'm glad OP will be putting in a complaint
Distress doesn't have to mean rudeness. Saying hello whilst making eye contact before asking for a service is what we teach toddlers. People should also do the same in shops.

Sadly people have become so self centered nowadays, feeling that they are the most important person in their environment and that their needs is above those of everyone else, too many have forgotten what good manners are. That nurse only tried to remind OP of it.

so sorry to hear this. We had a similar experience with my 87 year old father in law. Left in a corridor on a trolley all night with blood dripping from his knee. Asked for a sandwich as he is diabetic and got shouted at. Picked him up to go home and was shocked at the corridor full of mainly old people on trolleys in various states of undress just left to it really.
nothing surprises me either.

TheTidyBear, expert are you?

I was a nurse forr 25 years and I recently lost my shit in hospital after being totally neglected for my whole stay an treated like a piece of meat. I put a formal complaint in too.

Distress doesn't have to mean rudeness. Saying hello whilst making eye contact before asking for a service is what we teach toddlers. People should also do the same in shops.

Saying hello (and OP does think she said hi) is ideal but it's very far from rude or abusive. It's certainly not the place of hospital staff to pull up another adult for it.
OP also had the sense and grace to apologise simply to diffuse the situation and get to her ill dad, so she's clearly not a rude or argumentative person.
But shame on that nurse.

Do you really believe what you are saying?

The OP was tired and worried and asked a nurse where her dad was, without a smiling hello. Did that justify a professional saying, "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"’

I would be furious if my resident doctors spoke to any relative like that and it would be discussed robustly in supervision. I would call the relative and apologise. It’s also a personal question that has the potential to upset; people whose parents have died, were abusive etc.

I can’t believe how many people think this nurse was reasonable.

If this was considered rude by the nurse, I dread to think how she would cope in A and E or similar environments. She would be delivering sermons to every drunk person that crossed the threshold.

@WriteAPaperNow I wonder if some people aren't even bothering to read the title properly and think it says "lost my rag" rather than "not lost my rag"?

Some people - probably those who have never been on the receiving end of very poor treatment or watched a love one endure it - also seem to idolise the NHS a bit. But it's an organisation made up of humans, some wonderful, some awful, lots in between, just like any other group of people on the planet.

The nurse was being rude to you. How dare she say that to you. I’d complain about her reception of you. You’re not at school. She’s not in charge of you. What a nasty piece of work she is. Keep a check on how she does her job

The joke bit is people is people like you pointing out this rather obvious thing that nobody disagrees with.

While at the same time failing to understanding others are entitled to be upset and exhausted after spending 18 hours in an A&E corridor with a with people coughing and shouting at them while their relative is at deaths door.

But I guess you don't see the irony in the fact that you lack empathy yet come on here to educate others in the subject.

Thanks, I will.

I haven't had to deal with her since then, she seems to spend most of her time trying to get patients that have gone walkabout back into bed and has shouted at the porters.

Distress/ anxiety/ fear/ neuro diversity and MH problems can cause people to lose the ability to filter or maintain social customs
Nurses are trained to empathise and understand, to deescalate and treat with compassion.
This was appalling, bullying and she's the ward sister.
Look at the NMC guidelines

He hadn't eaten for 20 hours and they said they would get him some food.

Did you not get him anything to eat in 20 hours? Why on earth not? You wouldn't even get him something from a vending machine? Why?

Given his issues she may well have been advised not to until he'd been evaluated and I don't know if you've ever tried to find food in a hospital outside public restaurant opening hours but it's usually crisps or a chocolate bar if the vending machine is actually working which it often isn't. Or it takes cash/card only and as you've come out in an emergency you only have card/cash.

And if he's elderly/diabetic vending machine options might not be suitable
E. G. MIL had to have a soft diet after her stroke and would have been unable to swallow anything from a vending machine without choking.

We were in A&E for over 24 hours after my partner had an accident, and on informing the staff he was diabetic, they offered sandwiches and tea once they’d established he would not need surgery. Most vending machines in hospital only offer sweets and drinks - not really suitable.

Are you a young man? That would go some way towards explaining your general attitude, and why you're unable to understand the nuances of being a small vulnerable distressed female in precarious situation with someone holding power over you.

Oh FGS, OP, you sound like an arsehole. You're the one close to losing the rag at someone, not the PP you're referring to. You're the dangerous one in this situation if you were considering flying oof the handle, and cane on here wanting praise for not doing so?! Most of us can keep our tempers no problem, and we don't blame "being a small vulnerable woman" for any anger problems.

There's some righteous arseholes on this thread and the OP isn't one of them.

I have just read this properly, I am absolutely gobsmacked that you have insinuated I would harm patients. I would be more careful about what you write on here if I were you, that is absolutely insane! If you actually knew me, you would be very embarrassed.

Thanks, yes there's this, and also my Dad was delirious so I needed to be there to advocate for him when people were coming over to do bloods/investigations as it might have slowed his treatment down, and lessened his survival chances.

Also he's diabetic.

You're projecting your issues onto me. You can't even keep your temper on an internet forum, and don't have the patience to digest information properly.

Also losing your rag does not mean flying off the handle.

I would be more careful what you write about on here if I were you

Again with the threats. You can’t help yourselves.

OP - a positive of your post is that it inspired me not to lose my rag with an NHS receptionist who was a Rottweiler in lipstick. Thank you 💐

Try putting yourself in the place of the nurse- we get rude abusive people all day every day. The state of the NHS is not their fault. Get over yourself.

Distress/ anxiety/ fear/ neuro diversity and MH problems can cause people to lose the ability to filter or maintain social customs
And who says the nurse doesn't experience all the above herself?

These are no excuses for bad manners and personally I'm tired of those who uses this to treat others with little respect.

Sadly, it does too often take someone to challenge and make a point for it to sink in.

It's your responsibility.
In all honesty you seem like you were spoiling for a fight. You could always train as a nurse and see how it feels from the other side? You might not be so keen to take to a forum over a trivial interaction with a member of health staff.