AIBU: to want my ds to use certain words and criticise DH for using others?

[Spidermummy]

I know that I am going to come under fire for this, but here goes...
I was brought up not to use certain words, such as toilet, couch, dinner, pardon etc and personally use loo, sofa, supper and sorry, instead. Have been trying to encourage my DS (3yo) to do the same, but he hears the former words at nursery, knows they annoy me and therefore uses them on purpose. This I can handle, just keep repeating the words I think he should be using and refuse to answer unless he does. The problem is that DH uses mostly the former as well, so DS is getting confused. I have tried correcting DH, which doesn't go down very well strangely enough, he thinks I'm being a snob basically. I try to be sensitive about it, but feel very strongly about this and refuse to compromise. My DH also uses English very badly in sentences, eg.'I was sat down' which is one of my pet hates. We were both brought up the same and it is pure laziness that he speaks this way, but it is of course going to cause more and more problems with DC's. Am I being unreasonable to keep correcting the both of them, or should I leave it alone?

(Am with you Spidermummy...!) my dad was very particular about using the words you outlined at the start and it isn't about being snobby. It is about being correct in the way that people should be taught how to use grammar correctly etc... Am now expecting to be shouted down but that is my choice too and my DD shall be saying loo (and NO it isn't lavatory), sofa etc!!!! It is a difference of opinion obviously between you and DH so you prob need to chat to your DH about this as it probably is more important to you than him.....

And Spidermummy - just an additional supportive thing - dh & I were both brought up rather strictly to notice the "right" and "wrong" words in this way, and it's left me with such an anxiety about getting it right ... whereas my children, who, with nursery & childcare influences & what have you, use all the words happily & interchangeably, without feeling any of the anxieties I did.

I'm sure when they're older they will pick up on the nuances for which words will sound better in what circumstances, but in the meantime I rather delight in them being un-selfconscious about saying Toilet. So your ds is getting some beneficial experience there - is what I'm trying to say.

As a sort of parallel - I know it's strictly off topic, but about self-consciousness - I was listening to ds (9) & dd (7.5) in the next room yesterday, deciding which bit of Life of Birds to watch next.

Ds said to dd "Episode 7 - that's about Sex. Parent birds mating, and Eggs." Totally matter-of-factly.

I could NEVER have said that at his age. I would have been terminally

Turnip, glad to oblige... I would love to live for a day as a WAG, stupidity and consumerism rolled into one.

oh for crying out loud - not really important what actual words dc use as long as grammatically correct and not actually offending anyone!!!! choose your battles

You'll have been told already, but yes, you are being most unreasonable. Leave them to it. If you think a 3 year old can be annoying about the way he talks, wait till he's a teenager, using far more 'common' words.. It'll become your achilles heel.

All the "posh" words were coined by the rich and titled (and codified by Nancy Mitford) in order to allow the rich and titled to differentiate themselves from the oiks who called a toilet a toilet. Their sole purpose is to create social division where there need be none. I'm not posting from a class war point of view - I'm solidly middle class, of middle class parents - but that's the truth of the matter. These words were then picked up by aspirant families who unsurprisingly didn't want to be judged oiks by people who were born into loos, so to speak.

Do you really want to teach your children that some of their friends are inferior because even though they might speak gramatically correctly, they have different words for some things? Keep having rows with MIL about DD and elbows on the table. MIL says; "It's rude! It's not the done thing!" I say, "In what way is it rude? Is her mouth shut while she chews? Yes. Is she talking with her mouth full? No. What possible difference does the position of her elbows make to your enjoyment of your food?" Well, I actually say, "Does it really matter?"

And, yes, I say toilet and tea and the like.

allfalldown - who are the oiks? Toilet was coined by the squeamish middles who went through a period of making everything sound 'nice' and couldn't bear to call a spade a spade. It's practically the same as saying 'just going to powder my nose'. Whereas any sane peasant or Lord would say 'I'm just going for a pee'.

Oh OP, I feel your pain - not going to pretend I don't. I live in an 'improving' area and DS 6 already has faux-urban-patois mixed in with a bit of, like, Paris Hilton?

And actually, it's driving me infreakingsane.

HOWEVER, I think the only really awful words are Fo-Po - faux-genteel ones like lounge, serviette, hors d'oevre, er, can't think of any more but I'm sure there are some. I think that's snobbery in me, but it's marginally better than being the Uber-Sneer that I used to be.

DP is From The North and though he's scrubbed up nicely (uses fork now) he still has a pretty strong accent, which I love. It comes with a whole sheaf of unfamiliar and usually wonderful vocab, although some would have made my teeth curl before we met. He's dropped 'lounge', I notice, but not toilet, and that's what DS says. Always thought it would drive me crazy, but actually in the end it's the, like, urban thing? That's makes me blench? And like, hiss at him? In public?

I am truly one bad mother.

He said it just now. 'CBBC goes on a little bit long-ar.' Innit.

But really what I notice in children now is politeness and lovely manners. DS says 'Mummy, please may I.." and "I'm very well thank you, how are you?" and I'm very proud.

Duchess, I thought powder my nose meant snort a line of coke nowadays!!