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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think H is a selfish p*ick?

116 replies

Incandescentwithrage · 28/04/2008 10:17

H supports Liverpool. Who may well go through to the European Cup final to be played in Moscow. Last year he went to Eindhoven, Barcelona and Athens to watch them in the various legs of the competition. We had one family holiday to Spain.

He is now arranging to go to Moscow should they get through this year. This in spite of the fact that we are very short of money and we as a family will not be able to afford a holiday this year. His argument is that he cant afford to pay for us all to go on holiday but he might be able to afford this because it is just for him. I am absolutely furious and can hardly speak to him because I am so angry. He also says that this is a match that will never happen again and this is his justification.

Am I being unreasonable? Would welcome some tips on dealing with this. It is not just the holiday issue but we are struggling financially also. His selfishness is actually making me feel ill.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 28/04/2008 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 28/04/2008 10:19

Wanker.
Moscow also unbelievably expensive (I've lived there) It will cost 5/6 times what a similar trip to somewhere like Barcelona will cost.

Alexandersmummy · 28/04/2008 10:23

YANBU
My DH is going to Amsterdam on a stag weekend for 3 days at the end of May, they are flying there so all in it's costing about £500.00 which to some might not be much but to us it's loads. It really pisses me off that he's doing this,not just the money but leaving me to look after DS (2.6yrs) and DD (4months) We could spend the money on so many other things but he's already booked it all now, never mind me stck at home in frumpy sodding clothes that no longer fit! Grrr!!
Sorry about that.
Your hubby must be very careful going to Moscow, it can be very dodgy, the police can be violent and corrupt, he must not drink or smoke in public and really watch his back.

Sorry he is been a selfish git, can you go away somewhere in the UK as a family?

moondog · 28/04/2008 10:31

Not drink or smoke in public??
That's all Russkies seem to do!

They are both selfish cocks thoguh.

cluttercup · 28/04/2008 10:32

YANBU - selfish twit - grrrrrrrr

TotalChaos · 28/04/2008 10:35

YANBU.

Incandescentwithrage · 28/04/2008 11:11

Alexandersmummy - H has always gone on little trips like this and left me with DC. He went to Instanbul the year before that. I didnt mind so much then because we had more money and we went away as a family. In fact I have always been pretty understanding but this is the final straw. I told him if he went and and we are not able to book a family holiday for us as well then he should not bother coming home afterwards and I really do mean it. He will still do it though because he always does what he wants and then deals with the fall out later and I suppose I have always let him do that. He disappeared for three days once when DD was about 4 weeks old.

OP posts:
catsmother · 28/04/2008 11:13

You have got to use his argument against him.

Ask him to list the Moscow trip cost down to the last £. And that means beer & food money as well as the flight & hotel. Double check his figures so the wool isn't being pulled over you eyes.

Then compare this to the cost of a family holiday for EVERYONE. This doesn't have to be abroad, but if you can afford a break for the same as what he's spending purely on himself then he is being an utterly selfish, spoilt, irresponsible twat if he pushes ahead with this.

At the very least, I find it hard to believe that you could not afford a long family weekend somewhere for what he's spending on football. In fact, I DON'T believe it, full stop.

As for this match "never happening again" ..... well, with someone as determined as this, even if the teams, venue and competition aren't the same next year, there is bound to be something similar crop up which he "has" to go to.

If he insists on going, then he should finance it himself (and none of this bollocks about it being his money 'cos he goes out to work blah di blah). That means selling stuff if it really means that much to him e.g. iPod, PS3, wii, motorbike, car, whatever. He also needs to provide concrete plans for addressing the financial worries you have if he wants to be so selfish. That means that if you are struggling to pay bills, the rest of the family shouldn't have to eat beans, or go without, because he's spent the rainy day fund on indulging himself.

If he can pay for this himself without affecting the rest of you, eg. by raising the money instead of taking it out of the household budget, then fine. If not, then he shouldn't be going. He's an adult FFS and a dad. Whether or not he likes it he has responsibilities.

I'm afraid I have to say that if my partner pressed ahead with this regardless in the circumstances you describe having already been hugely indulged in the past, then it would be a dealbreaker for me. I'm assuming that you've had no similar little jollies yourself ??

dizzydixies · 28/04/2008 11:14

YANBU - dh used to go on rugby tours all over the place (i.e. piss ups) but now can't as we can't afford it

either let him go and change the locks for him coming back or remove his passport before he leaves so he's stuck at airport and still change the locks

btw - when was YOUR last weekend away shopping with friends in N.Y - if you haven't gotten round to booking that yet I'd certainly start looking at prices and see how he reacts to that

moondog · 28/04/2008 14:31

iNCANDESCENT,i CAN'T STOP THINKNING ABOUT THIS
Why are you still with him?.

Incandescentwithrage · 28/04/2008 18:24

I don't know moondog. Even his own family tell me I should tell him where to go. My situation is difficult though. I am a SAHM, we don t have a lot of cash and my kids love their Dad. I know that I should start taking steps to get out of this relationship but i have been with him for 7 years and the thought of having taken all that crap for nothing just makes me so angry and upset. He tells me he loves me but he never acts like it if I am honest. I feel paralysed I suppose. In a way I hope he does go because he will never get back through the door if he does.

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 28/04/2008 18:27

I will tell you something now, if that was my DH i would tell him if he goes to this football match then to expect his clothes to be bagged up outside and the locks changed that is absolutely disgusting. SERIOUSLEY.

wessexgirl · 28/04/2008 18:30

Oh God, YANBU to the power of infinity! If LFC come before his family, tell him he can go and flippin well live at Anfield.

WorzselMummage · 28/04/2008 18:33

He does sound like an exceptionally selfish barsteward !

Ilovenutella · 28/04/2008 18:34

No no no YANBU - help him pack - EVERTHING.... I can imagine it is daunting as a SAHM what your future might hold but surely it is better than this?

constancereader · 28/04/2008 18:37

That is unbelievably shit behaviour.
YANBU

RubyRioja · 28/04/2008 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Incandescentwithrage · 28/04/2008 19:37

He has a way of always making me think that I am the one being unreasonable so I try very hard to be honest when I write about him on here with no embellishments. It helps to know that I am right to be angry. I do actually feel sick when I think of selfish he is and has always been really. Every pound that he spends on his own pursuits is money that could be being spent on my kids - they don t go without at all but they could be having so much more. I said to him ask DC if they would rather you went to the football or took them on holiday but he wouldn't.

OP posts:
moondog · 28/04/2008 19:55

By putting up with him you send out the message that his behaviour is accaptable. Don't you see that?

Seriously, a jaunt to Moscow will cost shitloads. From what I remember, a visa alone (essential) is about £150.

QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 28/04/2008 20:08

Do what dizzydixies says - price up a trip for yourself and ask him if he'd be happy to fund that one trip (considering his "however many" trips for football over the years).

Tell him what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Seriously he's a tosser - you may not want to feel that you've wasted 7 years on him - but more to the point do you want to waste the next 7 years on him?

shouldbedoingthewashingup · 28/04/2008 20:28

my H also HUGE liverpool fan. I resent him going to the pub what seems like several times a week for a crunch match. I would point out that 'never happening again' excuse seems a little thin given Liverpool is making rather nasty habit of winning champions league - no idea if this is relevant but it seems to me that this big international thingys are rather commonplace. If I were you I would book myself into suitable expensive spa for weekend and tell him to stick the overdraft where the sun don't shine. Or perhaps introduce him to the local pub with a TV in the corner?

shouldbedoingthewashingup · 28/04/2008 20:54

H adds that since the final is in a month and it takes six weeks to get a visa, he'll be lucky.

PaninoPan · 28/04/2008 21:35

Tosser. Total tosser. Liverpool won't get their anyway. And even if they do they'll be trounched by Manchester United ( again). Which will make all of his tosserish behaviour all the more horrible. Come back after a crushing defeat, no money, tired, hung over.

Total tosser.

There.

KaSo · 28/04/2008 21:37

Generally I'd agree with your Dh. Football is as important as food, shelter, water etc and if I were him I'd want to go. (Not that I support Liverpool I hasten to add)
But, if it is at the cost of a family break then I'd agree with you and say no. That money she be spent on at least a day trip out as a family.

LilRedWG · 28/04/2008 21:38

What a wanker.

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