Draining guests

[FunkyGoldfish]

We have friends who come and stay once a year. They both eat a lot (much more than we do) and expect breakfast, lunch, snacks and evening meal. They like a drink. This last visit (they stayed 3 nights), we got through 8 bottles of wine, 6 beers plus G&Ts - most of that was consumed by them. They expect us to drive them everywhere when they are here and never offer to use their car. Over the years they bring less with them - they used to arrive with wine, chocolates, flowers - this time, they brought one bottle of wine. They have always paid for an evening meal at a pub on one of the days but we end up paying for coffees/lunch out - they never offer but just say "we're taking you out for a meal" as if that justifies us paying for everything else. They both have good jobs and earn more than us. Their visit costs us a small fortune and we are exhausted afterwards. We have never stayed with them - they've never invited us. I think they see their stay here as a little holiday (we live in a popular tourist area) and, tbh, we feel used. They've only just left and I'm already dreading getting the message asking when they can come next year. What would you do?

So why do you keep saying yes to them, or, when they stay, paying for everything and driving them around?

If you really can’t face being honest, just tell them you’ve become an alcohol-free house with a total no-alcohol policy.

I'd be unfortunately redecorating the spare room. Permanently

Just say it doesn't work for you. Do you have any contact with them outside of these visits?

Don't host them anymore, say it's not convenient

Or have covid. Graphic d and v?! 😅.
Honestly, I think it is bloody cheeky and something people who love in tourist areas with a spare room always struggle with.
You could reply to them next year that ' actually, we fancy a change this year for our annual get together, we'll come to you this time, let us know a convenient date' And see what happens. But do you actually want to see them?

Why on earth do you invite them?!

Shut it down. Sounds like you don't like them at all but are hosting and driving them around your local area, filled with resentment. Why?

Holiday booked last minute, or other guests are coming to stay.

Say you'd love to come them next time. You can't really have people to visit , provide all of that and complain about it. Either do it in a way you are happy with or don't do it. Buy less wine, pay for yourself for coffee but don't begrudge driving in your area or giving them breakfast and lunch .

Stop inviting them?

Change the first sentence "we have freeloaders..." they are definitely not friends!

“We can’t host this time. There’s a nice hotel/place to stay in (place).”

If they ask why not or put the pressure on, just keep repeating that you aren’t able to, don’t get drawn into giving a reason or explanation. Or if you must, “it’s personal” in a quiet voice and look away, and then say nothing else about it.

You are letting them use you.
if you want to stay friends, suggest you go to their house for a change.
But it sounds like understandably after their behaviour, you don’t like them much. So in that case, can’t you just say a firm no, it’s not convenient any more.

I would definitely go with "Why don't we come to you next time? October is most convenient for us - any dates that suit for you?". And if they start with some old flannel about why they can't host, go back with "Ah well, not to worry. We're taking a break from hosting visitors next year but let's keep in touch".

You must put some boundaries in place! You do not have to host these people. I agree with PPs suggestions of suggesting going to theirs instead. If you do host, don’t supply all the alcohol - ask them to bring their own. Ask them to drive themselves around. The problem here is that they’ve come to expect a certain level of service from you and they are taking advantage. Say no!

How fun it was catching up. Thanks for coming all this way to see us.
Sorry, but changes are afoot for your visit next year.
We are only able to host for three days due to other family committments. We have changed circumstances so will not be able to accompany you out as much either and we will have to split the bill when we do, sorry.
Just thought I need to give you that heads up so that you can adjust your expectations and not be disappointed when it's not quite like other years.

If they respond by saying they can pay you more, do all the cooking etc so they can stay longer etc just say that you are getting older and actually, given that you were so tired after their last visit, you think it will be beneficial to have you stay for fewer days.

When they first arrive state clearly that you are not drinking as much alcohol; you've cut back and feel wonderful for it.

Don't tell them you have other visitors or d&v, it will just mean they suggest different dates, surely

I think you need a longer term solution. Tell then you've changed the spare room into an office / hobby room / nursery and you don't have space to host. Tell them that you find hosting really tiring and are sticking to family only from now on but if they are visiting if you'd love to meet them for a meal (and only pay your share!). Tell them that things are a bit tight and they're welcome to stay and you'll do a meal (and only have a couple of bottles of wine in) but they'll have to sort their own travel and food otherwise

Or if you're not worried about being friends any more (and are you, given how entitlwd and rudw they are?) just message them to say you're feeling a bit taken advantage of, given you never get a return invite and the unequal driving and spending on food, drink and snacks

I do think you have to take some of the blame here. Yes it's a bit awkward but not impossible to ask a waitress to split the bill, or only buy your own at the counter.

hi, it was great to see you this weekend. A couple of our other friends and family members have asked can they visit next year, it'll be too much to do more than a couple of weekends so will have to give your visit a miss ... we'd be happy to come to you guys for the weekend though if you let me know when suits

ya cheeky feckers! 😂

I think I’d say no when they ask if they can visit. Make excuses.

or become bad hosts. Which I couldn’t do, as I really couldn’t let myself be inhospitable! But I could make excuses - busy / other guests / broken boiler / going away…

Also, i would get in first with a message saying you can't do next year ... then you won't feel as bad saying no because you've not been asked yet ... I'd also be inclined to just say you're not hosting for a while as it's too much, it should be a joy not a chore and expensive

Sorry, it just doesn't work for us to host you going forward.
Stop being a mug.

If you enjoy their company at all and want to see them, I like @GrandHighPoohbah suggestion.

Why do people allow freeloaders to do this shit more than once?

Drop contact and if they do suggest visiting just say No Thanks, have had enough of being used by you freeloaders!

Tell them you don't have house guests these days, or if you can't bring yourself to do that, take the standard of hospitality several notches downwards: cereal for breakfast, soup and bread for lunch, no wine with meals. You have other commitments during the day so they will need to arrange their own outings.

Oh, and if it's in winter, keep the house a bit on the chilly side. The freeloaders won't know that you have your thermals on underneath.