To have one child

[GG300]

My husband and I are expecting our first baby next year. We have spoken very seriously about only having one child as this will suit our lifestyle better, however both of us grew up with a sibling close in age (who we have wonderful relationships with) and are worried about our baby missing out. What are people’s experiences of being/having an only child?

thanks!

I think wait until you have this child and see how that goes.

If you only want one child, have one child. Millions grow up as only children and are very content.

However, trying to decide family size before you’ve even had one baby is pointless IMO as you have no idea how you will find the experience.

At 1y I couldn’t imagine doing it again. At 2y I was unsure. By 3y I had softened to the idea.

Think about this in 18 months or more.

You haven't even had your baby yet. You have no idea how you'll feel. But yes, having the one baby means an easier life for you.

I'm an only child. Benefitted a lot in terms of education, attention and finances. Very difficult to be an only though, especially as an adult. I'm my parents' sole focus (which growing up meant a lot of pressure) and also only support. I am.of course comparing my experience to those from functional families who get along with their siblings.

I have 1. Anymore would push me over the edge so that's that. If it helps I know many only children who are fine. There is a poster on here who tells us regularly about her 85 year old mother and how she hated being an only child to the day she died 🥱

@PanAmHostess I took would be pushed over the edge with more than one 😅 have your baby first and then decide because it's all meaningless until you know what it actually feels like

Have as many or few children as you want, but I agree with PP, wait until you have this one before you decide. I imagine your 'lifestyle' is going to change quite a bit anyway so you might find a second one slots in easier than you thought.

I was fairly certain I’d only have one. PND firmed the choice for us.

He’s now 19 and perfectly content. He had a childhood in which we could follow his talents and interests without worrying about anyone else. He appreciates how lucky he was that we could do that and doesn’t take it for granted.

No regrets for us.

My DD (12) is an only child, she loves it. Household is calm and easy going, can afford to treat her often, spend loads of time with her etc.

DP wanted another but her birth (and week after) was so traumatic, I didn't want to do it all again. DD also was very vocal about not wanting a brother or sister as she grew.

I have had a few wobbles over the years about whether it was the right thing but she is so close with all of her lovely friends and spends so much time with them that any sibling she might have had would have spent the last year or so getting ignored or her bedroom door slammed in their face lol.

Have this one then see how you feel, there really is no right or wrong.

Depends what you mean by suit your lifestyle as your lifestyle will change once you're a parent regardless! Don't make any decisions now just go with the flow and if you feel like another later down the line you can, but equally one is an absolutely valid choice.

I've got one - she is 3 and I love her to pieces but being a mum never came naturally to me, I had awful PND and just have no desire to do it all again. I do feel terribly guilty about her not having a sibling though, like I'm depriving her of something that could be really special. That being said I have a sister that I'm not close to at all and my 'village' is my friends all day long.

as this will suit our lifestyle better,

I find this really selfish and vacuous sorry. But I admit I really don't get the whole deliberately "one and done" thing - if you are prepared to have a child then you should also be prepared to have a sibling.

Ridiculous. It's just as 'selfish and vacuous' to have any other number of kids including none.

Sibs don't always get on, you know.

Onlies can benefit from more time with parents. My dd (now 25) is a very happy and well balanced young woman with lots of good friends.

I know very few people who have good relationships with their siblings - as kids too, most people 'hated' their brothers and sisters. Because of that I was very grateful to be an only child. And now I'm an adult, I don't feel I'm missing anything. Maybe the stress of your siblings being arseholes like most threads on here would suggest. My DHs sister is also a fucking nightmare.

Contrary to common opinion, I’ve found being an only just gets better with age (and I’ve had to deal with parental illness and death, so have extensive experience of the hard things too.) Just in case that puts you off - it’s not always the case people find it harder as they get older.

My parents had my sister so that I “wouldn’t be lonely”.

we’ve hated each other pretty much since she was born.

DD is an only.

I actually find it more selfish when parents have multiple kids that mean their existing children have worse quality of life and less of their parents time, love and attention.

I'm an only child and although I felt I missed out by not having a sibling as a child, I was always very close to my cousins instead and am very happy as an adult.

Looking back it's clear I felt like I was missing out on a play mate, I didn't miss the shitty bits of having siblings I saw other children having to put up with like not having 1 on 1 time with parents and having to share everything and not being able to do things because they clashes with siblings things.

Other only children I know are also very happy adults. It could be argued that only children have ended up better off as adults because we've had more help with things like learning to drive, buying a car, buying houses and then childcare for our children through not having to share our parents limited resources. Adults I know with siblings have had a kot less help with these things and struggled to get going in life as much as they have had to finance everything with a lot less help and support. For that reason I am happy with my daughter being an only child, I want to give her all of my time and resources to give her the best life I can, not divide it up.

I also thinking having more than one child looks really stressful and single child families seem to have easier lives so I am out off having another one as I really enjoy life the way it is and don't want to spoil it. My heart is full with one and I don't yearn forore so it's a no brainer.

Obviously if you have the same logical mindset as me but you yearn for another child then it's a battle between head and heart but that doesn't sound the case for you so I wouldnt worry about it.

This is such a helpful response, thank you!

I loved being an only child. I’m very introverted and benefit from a lot of time to myself, so I loved coming home from school and being able to relax in peace and quiet. I think it’s really a toss-up whether a child will like being an only child, because kids come with their own inborn personality traits and you don’t get to pick those.

Why should someone be prepared to have a sibling or not have a child at all?

Children don't need siblings.

I am an only child. Hated it personally but some people love it.

It’s pointless asking parents - those with one kid will say their child loves it and enjoys all the attention and holidays but those with more than one will disagree.

You really need to ask only children what they think. A lot I’ve read on MN say they felt lonely or resented being left to deal with elderly parents on their own. Some say they loved it and never missed out because they had extended family and cousins etc.

I think you can’t possibly know until you make that decision and ask your child when they’re 30 if you made the right call or not…🤷🏻‍♀️

That's why she's asking only children for their experiences

Don't agree it's easier with 1. Harder when they are younger but when they are older they will be able to entertain each other and you should have a bit more free time, unless you have a child who likes playing alone.

I have one younger brother who I adore and I’ve managed to recreate the older girl/younger boy dynamic (obviously total fluke) with my children and was totally delighted that’s what I got.

I suspect if I’d been an only child I would have been perfectly happy having just the one.

I should think that people often look to recreate what they had as a child (as long as they were happy) and that you wouldn’t even be questioning it if you’d been a happy only.

I think one is absolutely fine. In some ways I feel a bit bad that we don’t have two houses to leave one to each child etc so having an only would have solved that 😆. I know it’s a silly way to think really but you know what I mean.

Yeah, having a younger sister rip my hair out in handfuls and try to scratch my face off certainly whiled away the hours.