To have one child

[GG300]

My husband and I are expecting our first baby next year. We have spoken very seriously about only having one child as this will suit our lifestyle better, however both of us grew up with a sibling close in age (who we have wonderful relationships with) and are worried about our baby missing out. What are people’s experiences of being/having an only child?

thanks!

I was an only child until I was nearly 6 , from what I remember I loved it . My parents then had my brother, we are currently not speaking. We are very different people in terms of personality and interests , so as others have said , siblings aren’t necessarily friends. I will add in my case our relationship wasn’t helped by my mum openly preferring my brother.

I was going to say this as well, all oldest children are onlies for a while. I assume parents with more than one don’t think their oldest is a selfish little narcissist.

My mum is one of three and always said it was the worst number of children to have, because someone always gets left out.

How ridiculous. What if they don't get on, do you have to keep popping out kids until you've made the perfect sibling? 🙄

Not when it comes to an actual human child. They should be born only because they are truly wanted, not because the parents don’t want them at all but are giving them as a “gift” to their sibling.

Would your parents not play board games with you? What about friends or cousins? There was a big age gap between me and my sibling but even if they couldn’t play board games I was happy to receive them as there were other people I could play them with.

Like pps have said, you really won’t have a clue until you have one child.

It’s a perfectly valid choice when the time comes to actually make it.

You can use whatever reasoning you want as to whether to have another child or not. Nobody has to justify the decision not to carry and birth a human being to anyone else.

I'm in exactly the same boat actually posted a tread a few days ago. My DD is almost 6 months and I have found it extremely difficult more than I could ever have imagined and I genuinely don't know if I could do it all over again and with a toddler plus my age is a factor BUT I am really worried about her being lonely as we have no family or friends near and she won't have any cousins which as an only child myself is something I had I was very close to my cousins growing up . I go back and forth on it as it never bothered me being an only child when I was younger I loved it but as I'm getting older it's a lot being the only person my parents can rely on and I can only imagine it will get harder with time . I don't have an answer for you there's nothing "wrong" with having one child or being an only child. My biggest worry is my DD won't have anyone when myself and DP are gone I find that quite sad that she wouldn’t have any close family after we are gone, I know there is no guarantee they would get along but that would be my hope if I do have a second.

Not at all. You can't read my mind! I said exactly how I felt. I've never felt I need to justify my choices to anyone.

Each to their own. We have one and have no expectations to be a burden when aged to our since we have planned for our retirement fund, a number of assets to be passed down, also a fund account for his uni or first house deposit. We could afford to have more than one but choose not to. Do whatever best, there is no need to excuse on whatever your choice in kids etc. No one will take care of your kid for you so who cares! And likewise if your friends or other people have more than one, it’s their choice!

This in a nutshell. There is no right or wrong.

I am an only child and it's fine. 2 of my closest friends are also only children and also fine.

The important thing is to have another only if YOU want to. Not just for the sake of it to give your child a sibling.

I do find a lot of only children who dislike it to be a bit dramatic about the whole thing. "All alone in the world after my parents die" as if a sibling is the only meaningful relationship you can have in life. If you have genuinely have nobody in your life other than parents maybe that's your fault for not forging other relationships.

I wouldn't manage it regardless of the breastfeeding..it has taken me years to conceive. I give birth next year when I am practically 33..how am I supposed to have another kid before 35. Am I supposed to be more fertile at the grand old age of 33 compared to 22 when I wasn't even using artificial contraception but never got pregnant. The baby would be born on my 10th wedding anniversary.

Research suggests that beginning a pregnancy within six months of a live birth is associated with an increased risk of:

In addition, recent research suggests that closely spaced pregnancies might be associated with an increased risk of autism in second-born children. The risk is highest for pregnancies spaced less than 12 months apart.Closely spaced pregnancies might not give a mother enough time to recover from pregnancy before moving on to the next. For example, pregnancy and breastfeeding can deplete your stores of nutrients, particularly folate. If you become pregnant before replacing those stores, it could affect your health or your baby's health. Inflammation of the genital tract that develops during pregnancy and doesn't completely heal before the next pregnancy could also play a role.

I think being an only now would be much easier, parents are generally more involved with kids and there are leas big families and one child is way more common, particularly in london so you wouldn’t stand out as much. Great if they happen to have cousins of a similar age and you go out of your way to see them and build bond.

I was an only child,born 1950, I constantly nagged my late parents for a sibling. DM went to her GP,was told to be grateful for the one. I absolutely hated it. There wasn't money,fancy holidays,cars, financial help. I was cloistered, not allowed out,to have a bicycle. They were terrified something would happen to me. I was shy, introverted, uncomfortable. I loved my parents,my mum was my best friend,we were very open, talking about sex etc which was extremely unusual in those days. It hit me very hard when my lovely mum died when I was in my 30s, it took years to get over. I swore as a teenager, I would have 6. I managed 4 with 2 MC.

The only only children I know who resent being onlies didn't have very good parents. They had parents who didn't make the effort to spend more time with them one to one. Who couldn't be bothered to encourage hobbies or take them to places they wanted. Who didn't make that extra effort to help their social life and facilitate play dates or family/friend relationships etc. I doubt they'd really have had a much happier life with a sibling, to be honest.

The vast majority of only children I know basically say “yeah, I’m very happy I got all my parents’ attention, nearly always had the time and money to try out hobbies I wanted, we could afford to do some amazing things and I got to balance socialising and alone time as I chose”. And financially they appreciate having had twice the advantages so far (driving lessons, uni expenses, house deposits) and will be secure in future due to inheritance.

Having a sibling certainly didn't suit me. We made each other and our parents miserable until the days we moved out due to our inability to get on at all. I spent my childhood wishing to be an only child, and my teenage years suicidal because I was so miserable living in such a tense house where no one was happy. I don't have a single happy memory with my sibling.

That’s the extreme scenario, of course. But I know plenty of people with siblings who don’t feel they benefitted from them in any way, and won’t in future when caring for elderly parents.

Your lifestyle will completely change after the baby is born. Just think about it in a couple of years. I think it is difficult to know how you will feel.

If, in a couple of years, you only want one, you should just have one. Nobody should be having babies they don't want.

Aye you tell yourself that. It's the same ignorant spiel always trotted out on threads about only children.

Nearly died having ours, DH watched me nearly die which traumatised him, DD also nearly died, so we stopped at one BUT I’m not sure we’d have had another even if it had been smooth sailing!
DD is 9 now, her best friend is another only and they spend at least one day each weekend with each other. We actively encourage this and almost never say no to playdates, trips out with others etc.
It’s interesting that as she’s got older the ‘onlies’ seem to have found each other at school and hang out together - common experience perhaps?

Agree with this. It comes down to parenting. I grew up in an era when parents left us to our own devices, didn’t help us foster friendships and couldn’t be bothered committing to hobbies for us. I have distinct memories of my parents playing a board game with my sibling and me, it’s a distinct memory because it was an extremely rare event. Happened maybe twice. And there was a six year gap between my sibling and me so I wasn’t exactly spoiled for company when I was, say, 8 and they were 14. We led different lives as kids.
DH and I parent very, very differently.

I think it's better to have a sibling than not. But it's also not the end of the world if you don't.

Totally up to you
See how you feel
Why must you decide now?

I have one child because it suits me to have one. I am too old for more now. My DD is 13 (14 in 2 months) and loves being an only, actively says she does not want a sibling. We spend a lot of time with her neice and nephew and they bicker constantly. My DD doesn't want that. I love and am very close with my sister but my daughter's childhood hasn't been spoiled by being an only child. We spent lots of time playing together when she was little, even now we are close. I have been able to provide her a lot of opportunities she wouldn't have got if we'd had two. This has really worked out well as she has SEN and needs a lot of additional money / time spent on her. However I didn't know this when I decided to only have 1.

Have as many kids as you want. It won't make your child automatically happy to have a sibling but it also won't make them automatically unhappy to be an only.